Sick and tired of living with my bi-polar roomate?!


Question: Sick and tired of living with my bi-polar roomate?
First off, I don't fully understand bi polar disorder, which is why I'm asking the question. I have been living with my friend/roomate since June 2010. She's 20 and I'm 19.
-She would eat my food and let others eat my food, until I talked to her about it
-She would invite people over without asking, until I talked to her about it, and even now she doesn't ask beforehand all the time
-She would not help clean, or sit and watch me clean, and after a while pitch in.
-Her drug use and partying has gotten worse. It wasn't a problem before, this seems new. (September til now). She used to invite just immediate friends over. This has bloomed into people neither of us know very well at all. I cannot stand the partying so I go over to my boyfriends when there is one. When I get back:
-The mess is left everywhere. She tries to get other people who spend the night to help her clean. Dishes, vomit on the rug & toilet in the bathroom, people snorting who knows what off our counters, party mess just everywhere.
-People disrespect our things. 2 people we didn't know came and ended up getting it on in her bed! Someone got his wallet stollen. People drag our couch cushions, pillows, and my own chair cushion onto the floor to sleep on. There's too many things to list.
I had a talk with her the other day. When I got back from my boyfriends and encountered the mess, I was extremely upset, but I didn't express it except for I just stayed in my room all night. I couldn't bear to look at her. She said the next day that was upset and spent 2 hours crying at her moms because I was upset with her. I feel like I can't express any sort of emotion except happiness. Later, I calmly explained that I did not want huge parties with people we don't know because they disrespect our things and because they are a liability (drugs, loud partying, underage drinking, etc).
Finally, I asked that things be picked up when I get back. I told her about the mess, especially the one in the bathroom. She told me that "Elliot and Sydney were cleaning, but they must have missed the bathroom". Does she really think that this was their responsibility to clean up? That they're the ones accountable? I didn't know what to say to this.
We also have a year old cat. Because she parties and then doesn't clean up, the cat has swallowed and passed string and 2 whole balloons. I was HORRIFIED when I discovered all of this.
She just doesn't seem to take it seriously. She said that she was in the progress of cleaning up last week and finished today. I tell her that I feel so uncomfortable that I can't come home when she throws parties. I forgot to bring a change of clothes to my boyfriends the last time and had to go to work in the exact same ones I had the day before. She did not appologize/seem concerned.
I am at a loss! I know that she has bi polar disorder. Does any of her apparent "lack of awareness" have anything to do with her disorder? Or is it just part of who she really is?

Answers:

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

im bipolar, and i dont think she can blame her behavior on that diagnosis.

yes.. its true that Bipolar people tend to develop drug problems easily, and can be oversative, but frankly she just seems like an inconsiderate roommate.

people tend to blame bad behaviors on their various illnesses, and in alot of scenarios its justafiable, but unless your roommate is suffering from something much more sinister than bipolar, her bad behaviors are just that.. bad behaviors.

its talking to her where the problem lies. your going to have to be harsh, theres no way around it. try giving her an ultimatum, so as to keep her from skirting around what your asking.
tears, anger, and all that are going to have to happen, just knuckle down and deal with it.

at the same time, you have to show a certain level of tolerance for her, she has a problem, and you should be sympathetic. Just remeber that bipolar is NOT an escuse in this situation, dont give her a pity party, she will thrive off that.

try to get her to spend some of that party money on therepy.



If people are bipolar and they take Lithium or Depakote for it, it doesn't work if drugs and alcohol are involved. Bipolar is just a really popular diagnosis. Everybody has it. I think she has Borderline Personality Disorder and really bad boundaries. However, a mental disorder is just a judgment about behavior. I don't think it matters what the problem is - if you think her behavior is obnoxious and troublesome you need to create distance between you and her. If her behavior causes you distress, it's considered "unlawful harassment".

personal experience with insane family members, unlawful harassment.




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