Will my life get any better?!


Question: Will my life get any better?
This isnt really a question, i just want to rant and rave about my crappy depressing life, no one needs to read it.

Ok the highlight of my life was probably being born with the umbilical cord around my neck and nearly dead then they unwrapped it and kept me alive.
Then my mum after having a argument with my dad gave me a name to spite him, and when i was a few months old he left so i never really met him. I dont want to meet him and have no interest in finding him, iv got through most of my life without him, and he doesnt sound like a guy id like to meet. He use to abuse my mum and cheated on her when they were together then when they split he had children with the woman, then he had a affair with his brothers wife, then married her and adopted his niece as his daughter. That's why i have no interest in finding him!

But that gave me a life goal im determined to be a better man then he ever was, im not really a one night stand kind of guy, i dont do drugs and i have never and would never cheat on someone.

So growing up without a father figure at all, and my mum moved around A LOT never settled in a house for more then 2 years i was always moving school's it got to me. I didnt really make new friends and didnt handle change well but she kept moving home anyway. So my social time was mainly on my own at home playing computer games. Then when it came to GCSE's because i moved around a lot the teachers suggested i take alternative grades to GCSE's as they didnt feel i was ready for them, so i did and employers dont recognize the grades and i cant use them. So after being a school loner most the time and making little friends plus moving again, i realized i was always arranging to hang out with the mates i had so thought id stop doing it and wait for them to call me. That didnt work and never spoke to them again, so they wernt proper friends. So once again most my time in my room playing computer games. I went to college, Things went well i made friends and got my first proper girlfriend, maybe i was a little possessive and jealous if another bloke got to friendly but i tried my best i act the way i always am polite, well manured, Im the kind of bloke that holds the door open for people. Then 3 months in we were out one night with her brother and sister had a few drinks strolling back to her place, then some lads across the street start shouting at us, then next thing i know her brother is telling me to run and he takes off! I took 2 steps then stopped Thinking to myself Im not going to leave her as i turned around to see her everything goes black. I was knocked unconscious from behind. When i came to everyone was gone my face bleeding. Then i found her shouting for her brother to come back, the group ran off because of sirens. Turns out when i was down they smashed my face off a tree and kicked me while i was unconscious. (they were only superficial wounds, cleared without scarring so im pretty again ;-) A week later she dumped me.

Still had some college friends left. Then my cousin went out with one because she felt sorry for him and he asked loads of times. Then college finished and they broke up. Boom no-one to hang out with again. back to my room playing computer games. How i hate computer games but games like final fantasy take over a 100 hours to complete so i can waist time doing that. So i started my career under a apprenticeship. Lost my job 3 months before the exam and couldnt take the test and have to start a 2 year course again from the beginning. So now i am 23 with absolutely nothing at all no friends no job and a family that gives me headaches always shouting and arguing spending most my time playing computer games.

I joined a gym but with such low self esteem i cant talk to any girls i find attractive and its hard to make friends at the gym. i dont want to be the sad loser at the end of a bar drinking on my own because i have no friends. So meeting new people is hard so is starting a relationship with anybody. I joined a martial arts club but the people there i wouldnt go out drinking with. But it kind of replaces the need for friends, i still get to socialize. So my last hope for a career is this firefighter job i applied for which i will be starting as a retained firefighter. If i pass the exams i dont ever see how i could possibly start a relationship with anyone because i dont get out to meet anyone. My plan is while im a part time firefighter i'll retrain as a fitness instructor (im in quite good shape) and do evening classes until i can become a full time firefighter. i dont want to end up as 40 staking shelves for minimum wage. Im looking for work for now but cant get none. I look young for my age i get told i look 17. Im 23!

Im not depressed,but if all this fails and i turn 25 and nothing has changed im still the sad loser playing computer games il probably overdose. So any question here is probably how many paracetamol are lethal? For future

Answers:

You must know you can swim through every tide.

It sounds like you're doubting yourself, and making the faulty assumption that your past dictates your future. ONLY IF YOU LET IT! I know it sucks when people tell you to think positive, but it really is true when they say that the state of your life is a direct reflection of the state of your mind. All the stuff you have been through will only make you a better, stronger, more worthwhile person. It sounds like you are taking positive steps, whether your realize it consciously or not. You have career goals, you're fitness orientated, and to be honest you sound like a great, intelligent guy deserving of a fulfilling life. You also are very aware of your own shortcomings, which speaks loads to your character.

When life gets you down, you can either stay down, or pull yourself up and keep moving forward, however slow or impossible it seems. Keep your head up.



Keep holding on
Nothing lasts forever



Daz I can understand where you are coming from. i have had a difficult life aswell. and im only 14! but dont overdose because then life will win and your father will win and i dont think you want that. if you have someone close you can talk to you should tell them this. it sounds like your life is starting to get better but dont give up and keep fighting. because the sun will rise and tomorrow will come...and you never know what it will bring....

me




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