I don't know what's wrong with me.?!


Question: I don't know what's wrong with me.?
I'm 13 years old. I have normal home life, have never been abused in any way. The thing is i'm sad a lot of the time. Recently i've started to cut. And i like it, But I feel terrible, there are people out there who have it way worse than i do. they have been abused, or are suffering serious depression. and those people can't help feeling so sad and they want to be happy. and here i am with a good life just feeling bad for no reason. or is there a reason? i honestly don't know. I know i'm a terrible person, i just feel like i should go die. but then i have a chance to live and some people have no choice but to die(cancer patients..?), so taking my own life is out of the question. it would be completely selfish. i can't help feeling so depressed and i like cutting myself. just 3 hours ago i inflicted the most damage i have done to myself. i like looking at the cuts and then the next minute i'm bawling wondering why i did this to myself. but i can't stop. i haven't told anyone. i can't stop thinking about this stuff, and life and everything. sometimes i feel as if my head is going to explode. i don't know what to do...help..?

Answers:

First off, the fact that you consider how others have no choice but to die and how others have worse lives than you makes you an intelligent person. You actually take those things into account. Not a lot of thirteen year olds with your problem ever think about those things, they just think about themselves and how "awful" they think their lives are. Since you do consider the other things, it makes you less selfish.

When I was younger I went through a very similar phase. Life wasn't perfect though, some things were getting out of hand and I had undergone so many changes and I think that what brought on the depression and such. But things were not terrible under any circumstances. I don't know why I felt so sad.

But depression can be brought on by a lot of different things. Even poor diets or genetics can give you depression. It's not all about the state of your life.

I cut for a few months, and felt the same way as you. For some reason I liked looking at the scars. I had a problem. But for some reason, I just out-grew it. I cut for a few months, then I pretty much just simultaneously stopped. And awhile after that my depression started to fade away a bit.

But the best advice I can give you right now is just not to cut. I promise you'll regret it in the future. I have scars all over my right thigh, and though they weren't that deep, there is just so many of them that it's too noticeable. I can't wear bikinis or shorts or anything without people questioning them, so I just don't wear anything but long pants or capris. I'm not complaining though, it's my own fault and I brought this on myself. I just now wish I hadn't done it.

As far as dealing with the sadness and helping you to stop cutting, there is always the option of talking to a therapist or school counselor. They could really help you.

Other things can help with depression, like getting really involved with a hobby. Sometimes distracting yourself with sports or visual arts or performing arts or something else you're interested can ease the pain. But dealing with depression can really differ per person. That's why I think your best bet is to talk to a therapist. They can get to know you and get a good idea of what you need to help you.

That's all I can tell you. But since I've gone through almost exactly what you're going through, you can go on my profile and message me if you want. I'd love to do what I can to help.



You need a psychologist. You seem to have severe depression.



Cutting does sound like a sign of depression. Usually it means there is something that you are not able nor ready to talk about that wouldn't feel right without something to express it.

Cutting is not necessarily a sign of a want for suicide. I do believe you are not trying to kill yourself, or you'd have written that here.

It's time for you to find a safe place to let it all out. What I've been doing lately is journaling about what things have gone wrong in my life in a private place. Maybe that's not right for you... maybe you just need to talk it out. Maybe that means going to a quiet place you know in the forest where no one else knows about and confessing to your favorite tree. Maybe it's something you have to find in a dark room. Only you know.

Take some time, be patient with yourself, and get help if you need it. People want to help you. Find the ones you trust and ask for help. Good luck and heal your wounds.

PS. It's not your call regarding whether or not you're a terrible person. Leave that up to G-d, or whomever you believe has gotten you this far in life.



Well, seeing as to how I have cut myself numerous times, and tried to kill myself and done crazy stuff like that I know where you're coming from. I have found that talking to people really helps. If you don't want your parents to know, maybe see if there is another adult you could trust. Be careful with people at school though, because believe me, they can not keep things a secret by law, and you will go to a mental hospital, and that is not fun lol. But anyways, you probably have acute depression, maybe just a phase before puberty. If it's at all possible, maybe look into getting a therapist, I love mine and would seriously be dead without her. Try doing things that make you feel good, like working out, or listening to POSITIVE music, some crap will just make you feel worse u know? Maybe try journaling, to get everything out. If you're scared that someone will read it (trust me ive had to do these things because of my nosey parents) make up a code that only you know, or after you write stuff out, tear up the paper, which can also be an alternative to cutting. Any time you feel like cutting, try and occupy yourself, and if you can't get your mind off crap, then rub your arm with an ice cube or something... I know, its an extremely hard habit to break, but things will only get worse and worse of you don't figure stuff out. You're young still you got your whole life ahead of you kiddo, so chin up. It's gonna be ok. (:

personal experiences...



You definitely have severe depression. Ask yourself this, "Why am I doing this?? What am I going to gain from this? This doesn't make me happy.". Tell your parents about how depressed you feel. Talk to a friend or parent or even a teacher or the counseler at your school. I'm glad you're not going to commit suicide. But still, it's not good that you're doing this to yourself. If you cut yourself enough then you will die from blood loss. Don't make it worse. On the other post I didn't read all the way through. I thought you were going to commit suicide. Nevermind about that. Try listening to music or drawing. Or try being with someone you love more often. Love is a known way to help sadness :)



You are not a terrible person. Stop thinking that.

I'm glad suicide is out of the question for you. Keep it that way.

Talk to a school councelor about everything because if you don't get help, it will get worse and worse, and why suffer when there is definitely help waiting for you out there?




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