How can I get my old self back?!


Question: How can I get my old self back?
Im fed up.During the past year I've undergone a lot of changes.This has made me a different person.During this time I met someone.She was like my soulmate and with her help(i guess i can say that)my whole world is changed.My whole thinking pattern and all.30days ago I regained contact with her.We reminisced.But this brought back the old thinking patterens and all the old feelings that I try to avoid.They are incompatible with what I think or feel now.I've had OCD obsessions and some mindlocks before.I just got over them in time.bUT The conversation with her brought all of them back.iM GOING to be reunited with my family soon,which means i can get out of this **** as soon as possible.20 days ago I spent a lot of time online reading something that was opposite from my opinions and got a sick pleasure from doing it.After that I got worried that I dont hate those things that I hate enough (some of them I was forced to like some years ago) and I got into this manic cycle of self-checking...
Im feeling like my oldself now...feeling detached....i dont enjoy music as much as before....and a lot of my beliefs got challenged....I know this is insane...Cuz i once didnt have to worry about this **** and i should not now.
I went back to my school to get some papers.I saw those people.My mind just kept telling me"u want this life here u want this life here u want to be all dyed haired and act stupid and be goal-obsessed".Which I dont.
I just want to go back to my old self.I know my situation is a bit unique.But I do want to go back.
Sometimes I got stuck in the old mindlocks that actually i dont need to think about but my mind is telling me think about and once i think about it i cant stop.I feel like i was once standing on the top of stairwells,now im being pulled back,like from floor 12,to floor 11,to floor 10...

I had crazy ROCD before.I have a bf now and i love him very much.The only line I wont cross is the ROCD line.Every morning i woke up i felt like a different person.Like yesterday I felf like my high school self and today I felt like my junior high self.Its like im thinking all the things using my high school brain.Its horrible.

Answers:

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Kayla,

I apologise if I have misunderstood. You sound confused about what you want and what you should want. In a way I can understand that because you have conflicting thoughts. I get the idea that you can get sort of trapped in your thoughts and possibly be mislead by them

Are you familiar with "Mindfulness" in OCD? Basically it is about being open to all of your thoughts - allowing them all to come through. It is the opposite of fighting them and trying to deny them. An important principle is that we must recognise that "thoughts are not truths" and that some thoughts are helpful and some are not.

You mentioned, "my mind is telling me". Sometimes our mind can mislead us. We have to question our mind and not just accept what it tells us. With that in mind you can analyse the thoughts and determine which ones are nearest to the truth and whether they are helpful.

The next stage is to continue to be open to all thoughts but in a mindful way, acknowledge the thoughts that are unhelpful but focus on the ones that are helpful. It is a skill that you can learn with practise. It will help you to unravel your mind and sort out what you really want to do, for the best.

"Brain Lock" by Jeffrey Schwartz
http://www.ocduk.org/2/foursteps.htm
"Mindfulness and Acceptance" by Hayes et al




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