I hate my life. I really want to do something with it... but how can I get the m!
Question: I hate my life. I really want to do something with it... but how can I get the motivation?
Now, out of school, My 9-5 job is sitting at a desk with other depressed people, answering phones and giving technical support for PartyPoker customers. And normally I just get abused by those people. I have been single my whole life, and I am now 20 years old. I don't consider myself bad looking, and am in reasonable shape. But I am so shy around women because I am intimadated by them, that it is impossible for me to get a girl.
I have no close friends, just acquaintances... and I spend most of my money on porn and online gambling. I also regularly visit a dominatrix, which is really expensive for me, because I like when she humiliates and hurts me, simply because I feel that I truly am a loser, and that I deserve the humiliation and pain. It is also the only female contact that I get.
Now, 24/7, I am lonely, depressed, horny, burnt-out, sad and angry at myself. And there is nothing I can really do about it.
What are some ways that I can get out of this slump, and overcome my shyness and depression?
Answers:
Wow, you need a plan! What do you want to do with your life? Forget about feeling sad and angry with yourself, you're not a loser, you just don't have a plan yet. Your job sounds really depressing. I understand that you need to earn money but at what cost to yourself?! I would start by finding a different job, maybe in an environment where you're helping people who actually appreciate you- this would make a massive difference to your life.
If you want people to care about you then maybe it's time to open up a little and care about people. You get out of life what you put in. If you scuttle round with your head down trying not to be noticed then sure enough you won't be noticed. If you hold your head up high, put your shoulders back and look people in the eye and smile then people will start to reflect this back at you.
At the end of the day, what have you got to lose? Spending your money on porn, online gambling and a dominatrix was just a **** phase in your life that you're about to move on from. A phase between being a school kid and becoming an adult. You're feeling all those emotions because it is really time to move on.
As an adult you're now going to stop self-indulging and start looking for ways to become a more useful member of the human race. I don't know whether you live in a town or more rurally but there are always people who need help from volunteers, or groups you can join that cost nothing but your time. Look on notice boards, in local papers, ask people what they do in their spare time- tell them you're looking for something different to get involved with. Try something out, if it's not right for you then try something else but don't worry because along the way you'll meet different people and realise that they are meeting you with new eyes and you don't have to be the kid from school, you can be anyone you want to be.
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make one important change at a time.
first, clear out the negatives.
quit seeing the dom - it's only reinforcing your negative sexual image of yourself and will make it harder to form normal relationships. of everything you described, this is the thing I would focus on changing the most.
gambling is next.
after that you have to build the positives. don't worry about the women yet - that will come after you have rebuilt yourself somewhat. exercise - this is key. get healthy. See those great looking guys around the place? It's not magic. There's no mystery. It is totally possible to be like that, with some self-discipline. exercise, good diet, no junk food....
third, start building social networks. Start with people who seem reasonably positive. not very heavy drinkers or drug users. They don't have to be amazing or popular people; but the more connections you have the better and eventually this will lead to females.
1st your only 20 so you have alot of time to do something w/your life! You'd be suprized just how many 20 - 25yr olds have no idea what they want to do w/their lives. So your normal in that way!
You might want to start by taking just 1 class at your local community college & see how you feel. It's alot different than H.S. & in a good way.
As a woman, my advice is you must get away from the porn. Even if you find a girl who is interested in you, she will be gone as soon as she finds out you spend money on this. Take the porn out of your life & you won't have sexual fufilment ..... which may cause you to stop being shy & try to meet a real girl.
First things first; don't spend money on porn.. or your dominatrix. Got it? DON'T SPEND MONEY ON PORN... OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT'S EVEN SIMILAR!
Dude you have a crack addict's lifetime ahead of you to make adjustments... at least you aren't a crack addict now! Except maybe you need a nasty woman in your life to offset the porn gratification... if that's the case, you're on your own... but it can't be that hard to find.
People can make friends anywhere, but you can't make a real friend if you aren't in your right mind when you meet her.
I've been where you are. It sucks. But it doesn't have to be the last feeling you have. I'm engaged to be married and... she isn't like... the best ever when it comes to matching my sex drive but she's my lady and she does enough to keep me happy; all I have to do is ask... There's a component of familiarity here that I think you are totally missing. A single comfortable, familiar personality is worth a billion crappy fantasy girls. She farts accidentally while you're kissing her inner thighs...what do you do?
You get over it, grow up, and maybe even get laid tonight.
I was like you minus porn and gambling addiction
what i did was constantly go out invite people from work friends i know
and FORCE myself to do this even though it can get boring but i eventually met somebody and shared my life with them then broke up and started again and met another who was a better girl..
In life its always a challenge no matter what you do something will always haunt you being health a loss or loneliness ..
In life you dont give up you have to be a soldier of life because it is to short to climb under a rock.
and your chances in everything decrease