Please help me, PLEASE? Huge anger problem!?!


Question: Please help me, PLEASE? Huge anger problem!?
I am a mean person. I will say I wish death and hell upon many people, but only If they get me really mad. I am so used to saying this that now It just comes naturally for me to say this and not feel bad anymore. I have a huge anger/rage problem. I am even obsessed with threatening people online, been doing It for a few years, where people told me they are getting the police Involved. I don't have It In me to be nice to people. I feel the world Is against me (I am obese) and when people stare at me, I have to say something, because I think they are just judging me because of my size. I have really changed, I never used to be like this. my anger controls me, I say very cold and hurtful stuff to people, even when they are not mean to me first. For example, I say things such as: Go to hell and die, go 6 feet under, no one will miss you when you die, I hope you die soon''....such things like that. I KNOW It Is wrong, but still do It. I just need help as I am willing to change. I can't stand when people are mean to me, so It's like I have to always be mean to people now before they be mean to me. I don't like a lot of people, or care for them. I lost many of my friends due to the way I am In public. I just explode when someone Is mean to me. I just need advice on how I can change, and what you think of this?

Answers:

While the anger and meanness aren't good things, it is at least a step in the right direction that you recognize these tendencies in yourself and want to change.

Some people do develop anger issues as a way of deflecting the hurt they feel inside, and it sounds like you recognize this pattern in yourself. You obviously have some big insecurities about your weight/appearance -- you assume people are staring at you and judging you (when they may or may not be), and this makes you feel hurt and also makes you lash out at people.

It doesn't have to be that way!

If you have access to counseling through work (an Employee Assistance Program) or school, I would suggest you make an appointment to see someone about this. If not, and you have health insurance, find a psychologist or social worker you can see. If no health insurance, there may be a free clinic or a mental health provider with a sliding scale. And clergy sometimes provide some counseling, if that is an option for you.

Ideally, find someone who uses a cognitive-behavioral (CBT) approach. This is a way of identifying the automatic thoughts you experience, figuring out whether they are appropriate or overreactions, and learning how to change them so you can change the way you feel and respond.

Counseling or therapy of some kind may be very helpful for you, both in learning to appreciate yourself for who you are and rebuild your self-esteem, and for learning to manage your anger and learning to treat other people with the respect they (and you!) deserve.

People who are obese can be fit and perfectly happy about themselves -- I have a friend who, at 5'2" and over 200 lbs., does triathlons! -- and I don't mean to imply that you necessarily need to lose weight. However, if your weight is causing health problems or if it is something you have decided you want to change, counseling and a medical check-up may help with that too. Counseling can help you identify patterns of eating you can change, or find ways to work more healthy physical activity into your life. A general practitioner (regular doctor) could rule out thyroid problems or other conditions that can make weight loss difficult and make sure your exercise plan is right for you. A nutritionist could also help with meal planning, if needed.

Meanwhile, you can check out some online resources for anger management:

"Controlling Anger Before It Controls You" from the American Psychological Association
http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.…

"Anger Management" from the Mayo Clinic
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-m…

There's even a 12-Step Group called "Emotions Anonymous" for people with anger issues:
http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/

There are also support groups for obese people that might give you a safe space to vent about feeling judged, and also help you to find non-destructive ways to channel your feelings.

Best wishes!



I think you should get help!




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