Help with social phobia?!

It sounds like you should see a counselor. Which sounds scary and embarrassing, but really, its not a big deal - and no one but you and your parents have to know if you don't want to tell anyone. I had a lot of the same problems you were having and my counselor and I talked about my social anxiety. She helped me so much and I eventually said I was feeling so much happier and so much more confident and stopped using her services. We only paid around 10 dollars a visit because of our insurance so if money is an issue, you parents' insurance plan may cover a lot of it.

But it sounds like you need some help within the next few days since you're going on a trip. Are you going by yourself? Because that can be hard for anyone.

For the train ride, bring a book or an ipod or something. Not only will it keep you entertained, it will give you something to look at. Even after half a year of bimonthly counselor visits I still have some problems, and one of them is I'm afraid of people judging me when I have no one to talk to. I'm 17 and in high school so if I don't know anyone in a class, and we have some free time, I make sure I'm reading or looking at my ipod or phone. I don't even care if I'm doing anything, I just want to look busy and make sure people know that I don't care that I'm not talking to anyone. So you can do the same on the train - if someone is looking at you, you won't even know.

But honestly, this sounds like exactly what you need. What gave me my biggest boost was getting my driver's license and being free and having to depend on myself to get myself places and not having a parent or friend with me all the time, and, even more importantly, I got a job as a cashier. Which sounds ridiculous because I was still (and still am and always will, although to a lesser extent) dealing with social anxiety. But I wanted to take steps to be proud of who I was and what I was doing, and I was so proud to not only get a job, but do it, even though I was so nervous for awhile. It forced me out of my comfort zone and I think that's what this trip is going to do for you.

Trust me, pushing yourself a bit is really uncomfortable, but you just need to power through and you will be so proud of yourself and soon you'll be able to go up to a cashier with no problem, or maybe even get a job like I did.

Also, and it's okay if you ignore this cause most people would, if you need any more advice from someone who knows what you're going for, please please please don't hesitate to email me, I check it pretty frequently so I'm sure I can give you advice or support if you want it. If I wanted one thing when I was going through the worst of this, it was someone to talk to who understood it and was like me, and got through it okay.
And of course if I don't hear from you, just know that I'm rooting for you on your trip haha. Be brave and try and enjoy it!

(P.S. oh my gosh sorry for the really long answer hahaha, I get carried away)

Email: katiescoular@gmail.com

just say to yourself your not the only one who feels this way and there are people who would really appreciate my company, thee are lonely people out there who you may think are eying you but just wishing they could talk to you, if people look at you, let them, they don't bite and who knows that person who you think is making you feel very uncomfortable could just wind up becoming your best friend, you will never know unless you try

Go to: http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome Select "social anxiety" for free Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy. An exercise which may help you is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are outgoing. Talk more; smile at people, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your more outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior. (PRETEND that you are an ACTOR, PLAYING a PART). Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and begin to see yourself as socially normal, not shy. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit. A form of therapy is to go somewhere that nobody knows you, and deliberately make an utter fool of yourself: put on a paper hat, and yell out: "I'm queen/king of America!", or something else ridiculous, (make up your own - have some fun, safely) then get back in the taxi, (warn the driver of your intentions, first) or car, and leave. People will point, and say: "Look at that idiot". Or, possibly in the company of a friend, or family member, on a different train, or bus route to your regular one, call out the names, or numbers of all the stops. It will teach you that, although it isn't actually pleasant, (EXPECT MODERATE DISCOMFORT/EMBARRASSMENT) you will survive; be stronger for the experience, and the next time (should you need to repeat this type of therapy) will be considerably easier. Remember: "A fear avoided is a fear strengthened; a fear faced is a fear reduced." Regard it as your final test: once you have accomplished it, the barrier will be broken; just don't go too far, the other way! Learn to laugh at yourself, and give a big, cheesy grin when others see you do something foolish, as we all do, occasionally. It is endearing, if you don't do it too often. Use positive affirmations: for example: "I am very likable and other people feel comfortable around me".

Write down all of your self limiting beliefs; then write down, or print, in large type/capitalisation, the positive counter of them, (exact opposite) and repeat them and imprint them into your mind. Put it in a prominent position, where you will see it regularly. Most importantly: Force yourself to approach somebody and initiate some sort of communication. Start out small by asking the time, or directions and gradually go bigger. Although there are anti-anxiety medications (anxiolytics) available, these come with risks, and the possibility of side effects, habituation, even addiction, and withdrawal problems, and are unsuitable for young people. Try having a cup of "Tension Tamer", (from supermarket tea, or health food aisles) or make some at home, and cool, then bottle, and drink as needed. C(h)amomile tea tastes better. As with all herbal/green teas, use lemon/lime, and/or a little sweetener (NOT ARTIFICIAL!!!) but no cream, or milk. Xylitol, or Stevia is preferable, from health food stores. Valerian has also been recommended, but some people experience "valerian hangovers". Ensure you know how you react to it, before doing something potentially dangerous, like going out on the roads. The idea is to use the above products like water wings, to provide initial, short term support, while you become proficient in those techniques. Use a relaxation method daily, like http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-… or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody… or http://www.wikihow.com Meditate or Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga. Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at http://www.mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists" or www.tapping.com (13 free videos). Professional is best. - There is a version for use in public places, (if you want to, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I suffer from social anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself."

Read: Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness: A Self-Help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques by Gillian Butler, & Managing Social Anxiety: A Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Approach Client Workbook (Treatments That Work) by Debra A. Hope, Richard G. Heimberg, Harlan A. Juster, and Cynthia L. Turk. Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or more along such lines is at http://your-mental-health.8m.com/blank_4… and hypnosisdownloads.com has one on making eye contact. At Amazon.com enter "social anxiety + shyness; CD, & VHS" See www.wikihow.com SOCIAL ANXIETY. Those with $: up to 6 months of CBT, and group therapy with similar sufferers is recommended.

It's promising that you realise at 16 that you want to get the most out of your teen years - a lot of people in your situation wouldn't raise the question of spending the next few years being anxious and reclusive, and then regret their inaction later on in life.

My small piece of advice is to rationalise each situation - prospective or present - that's causing you anxiety. You mentioned people staring in your direction on the train being your worst fear. The first rationalisation here is that most people sense the awkwardness of staring towards the eyes of a stranger, so you're not unusual for that. Why else do you think people decisively grab any bit of free reading material to focus on that instead of the carriage around them, or put in their headphones and nod their head to the music with their eyelids closed? If you don't wish to have a distraction such as reading material or music, you can sit at the end of a row of train seats to maintain a facial direction slightly off-centre and gaze towards a harmless doorwell or down an aisle. If you find you just aren't 'socially' comfortable with the seat you're in, then stand up for the journey and you most probably won't be at anyone's eye level. A second rationalisation is that the other passengers aren't sitting there judging you, but just being patient for their journey to end. You don't cope with it as well as other people because you focus too much on this worry, so take longer, deeper breaths to help you relax. Your heart won't pound as quickly, so the duration of time you're in the situation won't feel so drawn out. If you feel physically relaxed you will appear outwardly relaxed, mellow and content, so other people will be far less likely to notice you as being anxious.

Regarding concerns about the shop cashier, the eccentric people and general other public, a very useful thing I was once told is that "a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet" - regard the people you don't know with positivity and open-mindedness