How to cope with my dad's death?!


Question: How to cope with my dad's death?
Hi I am 19 year old girl and my dad passed away on the 25 of jan 2011. He was suffering from cancer for the past year and half. I am closest to my dad and it's really hard because he's physically not present here. He was so lively and enjoyed every moment of he lived, so talkative, social. He's always been there for me and I miss him like hell.
Anyways.. It is my final year of school and next year I want to go to uni (college). It is really hard to focus on my studies and life. Plus, everything is getting hard financially, emotionally... I am so lost these days, like during lessons I listen and then i just tune out and am lost in some other world. Studying, doing homework, classwork... seems like a mind boggling and brain draining activity and I make really silly mistakes. I used to find studing interesting and fun. It's feels like my mind dealt with so much that class work feels really difficult...I am trying to describe but sorry if i am not making any sense.

Don't get me wrong I still want to study and do what i had planned to do before my dad passed away. But if I continue to perform like this at school. I won't get into engineering which is competitive with restricted entry. I am not stressing just being practical.

Please just give me advice how to live my life and deal with school especially. How do I become happy again.
NB I know about exercise... give me some other advice.

Thanks
Princess.

Answers:

Hey i am 16 and im dad just recently passed away as well on September 9th , 2010. He was also my rock , he gave me so much motivation. Just about everybody in my family says i was the only one who could make him laugh so hard. I completely know what your going through with financial stress and not being able to focus. Everything makes me cry , my teacher will say one thing and it will just remind me of my dad. Its has been the hardest thing i have had to over come.But the thing about it is , its done and he cant come back . I know sometimes ill wake up in the middle of the night hoping that it was just nightmare.Its like i have to wake up and remind myself what happened every single day ! people in school tell me im so strong because they never see me cry but they just arent around me long enough to see me cry. The only way that i can get through the day is think about him and think about about what he would tell me right at that moment to help me feel better . Sometimes i close my eyes and pretend hes right there with me talking to me. In school i have to push myself to focus because i know thats what my dad would want from me more than anything. The way i look at it is if he were here i would finish school so im going to push myself more just to finish for him. I dont know your religious views either but i know my dad is so much happier not suffering from cancer or his heart disease . God does things for a reason !



I've lost both my parents. It just takes time for the wound to heal. As the old adage goes "Time heals all wounds."



Your question made my heart drop, I feel teary eyed. I'm 19 too but my dad is still alive (he's an older dad aged 68) and I have a constant worry that he will die anytime soon now because of his age. It's morbid I know but my dad is and always was my whole life and the thought of never seeing him again or hearing his voice or words of advice or his jokes just makes me want to curl up and cry hard.

I guess I could say for you to keep your mind active and divert your thoughts but you seem to already be trying that and it's not working is it?
You need to grieve for your dad, grieving is part of the healing process and you need to heal otherwise you will never fully accept your dads death and that will lead to so many problems in the future. You may miss out on opportunities now but you're young and you seem intelligent and you'll have many more chances in your life.

Good luck to you..I Truly feel heart sore for you.




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