I was molested and it's hard..?!


Question: I was molested and it's hard..?
When i was little... maybe between 3-6 i was molested by my nannas boyfriend...so was my sister and brother and cousins...
i can't remember much.. i only remember he would put me on his lap and he said he was tickling me.. but he was really touching me in an inapropriate way.. i remember he told me if i told anyone he'd get dog's to kill me... and also he'd kill my family and me if i did...i don't remember much but when i read my mums email to my nanna about what happend how he'd make me watch him touching my sister.. i don't remember this.. but i remember the location... i feel like i can't tell anyone or speak out much because i don't remember much but i still feel the hurt and whenever there is old men anywhere.. i feel werid and think they are looking at me an stairing at me like they want to target me......i just feel like i don't have enough to say to anyone..i've never spoke about it.. in a way i feel like i'm making it all up... but i'm not.. i'm 20 years old now and it's really affected me now.. i got diagnosed with bipolar... i get rages and really angry... he went to jail for 9 years.. but why does my body remember the whole experiance and hurt but my memory is not letting me remmeber all of it.. or enough of it.. but whenever mum talks about it or the email i read... i was hurting and crying like i remembered where it was and how it happend.......i don't know what else to do.. it's still hurting me and making me depressed.. but i feel like i don't have enough to tell doctors or my physciatrist... i just feel like ...i'm on a stage ready to sing..and i freeze..i can't talk about it... my body always blocks it..

Answers:

Write it down. The whole experience and your life. It needs to be told, and you may unlock memories as you write. It's easier to write than to stand up and face people as you tell the story...I understand, I've gone through similar experiences when I was 7-8 yrs old but not with men, with highschool girls who were molested themselves, so it wasn't as traumatic as your experience but it was something beyond my control, like yours.



You tell a therapist and the police about it.



A previous answer follows: It's quite possible that your subconscious mind has repressed such memories, to enable you to better cope with everyday life. You could use hypnotherapy to recover such memories, then the EMDR as follows: A previous answer follows, modified for you: Realise that you were just a child at the time, and in no way responsible for the abuse, so you have no need to feel ashamed. View page 1, at Weebly, below, about anxiety self esteem, social anxiety/shyness, then pages 3, B, & D re depression & suicidal thoughts. Also view page E. One suggestion was to write a letter to the perpetrator, stating how you felt, how it has affected your life, and what you would like to do to them. Then, after re-reading it occasionally until you can't stand to see it anymore, have a ceremony, and burn it safely in a metal container, and flush the ashes down the toilet, symbolically ending the matter. Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which communication with your subconscious mind is facilitated. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy. If unavailable, hypnotictapes.com has ones on DREAM THE ANSWER, or ASK YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND & hypnosisdownloads has one on overcoming a troubled childhood, and/or asktheinternettherapist.com has one on re-parenting your inner child, and/or instant-hypnosis.com has one on dealing with child abuse. I suggest that you Google "clinical psychologists; hypnotherapists; (your location)" and find one you feel comfortable with who can access the memories your subconscious mind has repressed. If the above proves insufficient, I suggest that you seek psychotherapy, and a course of EMDR therapy, (* http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/q.h… ) would probably reduce the negative emotions associated with your memories of abuse to more acceptable levels - the EMDR to reduce the negative, combined with the other techniques shown may be all you need, enabling you to avoid psychotherapy (open ended; can take years, cost a small fortune, and achieve little, depending on the therapist, and client).

Try the relaxation methods at http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-… or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody…
or www.wikihow.com/Meditate and/or Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga. Also http://your-mental-health.8m.com/blank_1… where there are several to choose from. Some people are still dismissive of them, but scientific testing has demonstrated conclusively that they increase activity in the left prefrontal cortex, when practised regularly, and will enable you to find a way of being; awareness, without suffering, when you need it, and is a valuable means of helping you through the worst parts of life. Give the acupressure EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at * www.mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists", or www.tapping.com (13 free videos) or, if still available, the free video for PTSD at www.emofree.com Professional EFT is always preferable. - There is a version for use in public places*, (you could claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage/tapping your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I suffer the aftereffects of child sexual abuse, I deeply and completely accept myself." ABUSE: See http://www.drdrew.com/ on abuse & http://www.burstingthebubble.com/ & http://www.reachout.com.au/home.asp
Read: The Fourteenth Year by Kelly Watt, & Please Tell!: A Child's Story About Sexual Abuse (Early Steps) by Jessie Ottenweller, Shame & Guilt by Ernest Kurtz, 'The courage to heal', and 'Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse' from your bookstore, or Amazon.com.
Go to: http://vaonlinesupport.org/support.html & www.pandys.org/ & www.rainn.org/ & http://www.aftersilence.org View http://www.coolnurse.com/hotline.htm (US freecalls).

Discuss with your EMDR therapist, at the end of therapy, the importance of eventual sincere forgiveness as a way of moving on; to not do so is to hold onto, and keep alive that hurt. You may well not be ready for that step, for some time. Books: Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, & The Twelve Steps of Forgiveness by Paul Ferrini and Pia Mackenzie, & Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life by Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon, & "Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve” by Lewis B. Smedes. Get through your fear of forgiveness, from your bookstore, or amazon.com. ~~~ There is a reasonable probability that you were misdiagnosed, so I wouldn't take any bipolar medications or antidepressants, but have EMDR therapy; print this Q & A for them. Then, after therapy, get rediagnosed by a clinical psychologist.




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