personality disorder?!
Question: Personality disorder?
when my baby was 1 i met another guy who i fell in love with dearly and we set up home together then shortly after he became controlling,cheat every chance he could. i put up with this for 3 years and somehow i fell pregnant,not planned and we found out it was twins then i started miscarriage and the night i lost 1 of our baby's he was in bed with another women because he could not have sex with me,that was enough for me to kick him out and want to bring my remaining baby up alone.
i had the baby but i was that much in love with him i kept letting him back into my life even though he was playing me and many other women off at the same time, he had total power over me. i let this go on for another 3years until i finally snapped and never let him back in again. my love for him soon turned to hate and i was praying everyday that somehow he would die i hated him that much and hated myself just as much for thinking these things. years later when i finally thought i got my head together i meet a old friend and we hit it off from day 1 and started making plans for our future but i would finish it for no reason what so ever,call him all sorts and make him feel like crap and laugh when i brought him to tears,even though inside it was killing me that i made him feel this bad but somehow i thought he deserved it. he is a really good man and i just cant help but hurt him. i back stab my friends and slag them off to other friends,i love it when they have down days. i have turned into such a horrible horrible person and no1 will ever know how much i hate myself right now. my nan died and i was really close to her and i cried some tears but i think they were false and something in my head was telling me it was ok shes dead it does not matter. how can any1 be so low and i hate myself so much. i feel like a freak,i get so angry with my children an swear at them and smack them for no reason whatsoever and think they deserve a better mum. ive been thinking a lot and its took me a suicide attempt for things to hit home. i goggled split personality as i think this is what is up and i came up with personality disorder and i could not believe what i was reading, everything they had down for the symptoms i had every single 1 of then exept stealing from people.
please please give me so advise so i can sort my ****** up head out an be a better person and mum again.
Answers:
possible borderline personality but no one here can diagnose you
i think you should make an apt on monday to see your dr
you sound depressed and dont know how to cope or who to turn to
you prob need a psych assessment and a referral to therapy but that is for your dr to decide
you also cant diagnose yourself
when u are happier so your lids will be but try resist the temptation to smack them walk away for a few seconds nad take a deep breath then deal with them
your kids will be distraught if you killed your self so take a deep breath and cal the surgery on monday but if you are on the verge of suicide seek medical assistance straight away
best wishes
www.mind.org.uk
sorry i know parenting is exhausting and when you are not feeling on top of things a day with them can feel like a week!!
if u call the drs again on monday you can tell them it is an emergency apt which is not a lie
take a look on parentlineplus.com they also have a helpine
You need to see a doctor for referral to a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. Only they can diagnose and treat your problems. I don't think you have a personality disorder, for what it's worth, I think you just have some ordinary emotional problems that we all get at one time or another, which you need some therapy to work through.
you are who u want 2 be and if u want 2 be crazy u will be, don't focus on want you DONT wanna b focus on what u want to be. so don't call urself crazy cuz u start 2 believe it. Goodluck
For a personality disorder diagnosis a proper assessment has to be done by a psychologist or a psychiatrist!
However from what you have written down, it appears that you are mostly "kicking the dog" You are taking out inappropriate behavior out on others that did not do you wrong in the first place.
You may want to give some thought to the following: do an inventory of your life and write down if there were instances where you were mistreated in your family at an early age (being ignored, disrespected, hit without reason). You may have taken over their behavior. A problem was not addressed with the person that created the problem for them, but taken out in one way or another on you.
So your sense of attachment (your ability to deal with initially parents leaving you for a short or longer periods of time) is a little messed up, some other coping skills you should have been given were not and because you you were not taught healthy borders you never learned to set those borders in your relationships. As a result you accepted abuse when you should not have done so.
None of these things are your fault!!!
Fortunately ALL these things you can learn with the help of a professional if you are willing to make the changes that you will be required to make (some of these will be very difficult so be prepared to work hard and not to give up when the tough gets going).
By learning these things you will also learn and know to pass on the right things to your children.
Good luck
Make an appointment with a therpist... they can diagnose personality disorders (there are 10 different personality disorders) and therapy is the only treatment. Medication, and therefore a regular doctor, is useless for Borderline (I am assuming that Borderline is the personality disorder you are talking about because that is what it sounds like).
You really need a psychiatric assessment or diagnosis, he / she will then work out the best course of action for you. Whether it be medication, therapy, counselling or a little of everything you will be looked after. You have made the first step by admitting there is a problem and that you want help.
Take everything that is offered, you won't regret it.
Experience