So many deaths, yet noww they're starting to affect me?;/?!

My uncle neil killed himself in beachy head on April 16th 2010. I cried myself to sleep for about a week after i got told. My best friend helped take my mind off it as hard as she could. In May i lost grandad to a heart attack and in June i lost my gran to old age. Their deaths didn't really affect me as much as my uncles, i just went on with life as normal. (the reason probably being me and my uncle had a better connection than me and my mum or dad had with each other). In august i lost my cousin, now that really messed me up.
I was in the room when my cousin died, My older cousin tried his hardest to cheer me up.At home i didn't stop crying, my bed was actually soaking. The day after my cousin died, my uncle called me and told me i had to tell my best friend that he was dead. She was going out with my cousin. I left his death another two days before i told her...She was heartbroken, She cried in front of me - barely but still - she told me about a month after his passing that she had finally stopped crying her self to sleep over him.

In September kinda time, My older cousin started to contact me through e-mails. Ever since then thoughts of My cousin and Uncle have been creeping back in to my head. in november time my grades had dropped three levels in almost every subject. I still cant focus at school, its all starting to hit me that im never going to be talking to them, they're never going to call, text or even e-mail ... My birthday wont be full of them..
Ive started crying about it all, my friend that helped my through everything ditched me the other day for someone else, and i tried to kill myself. She doesn't know though. I cut myself instead and all ready this month ive attempted suicide five times...Its horrible...Someone please help me... :/