making therapist uncomfortable?!


Question: Making therapist uncomfortable?
hi

i got a therapist she my 3rd one in two years. i'm in my early 30s and she's about in her late 30s. she is new to this job b/c she told me so. she's married and has 2 kids. anyways, there's a problem. i have issues surrounding men i never dated or and am a virgin. i desperately want to kno what is wrong with me. i kno i have depression and anxiety issues. wish i had someone to talk to about my other issues. when i tried to bring it up to her she seemed visibly uncomfortable talking about dating that i never even veered into the sex talk! i felt embarrassed too and decided not to bring that stuff up again. we mainly work on CBT and self esteem and that's it. she asks if i have anything to discuss yet i just stick to what I think SHE is comfortable with. sigh. this is driving me crazy. i can't just 'go to another shrink' b/c my insurance will only pay for her, if there's someone else they are way too far out for me to travel. what can I do? ty

Answers:

Psychotherapists have heard everything already in school and training. For all you know, she may have been uncomfortable because she could tell you didn't trust her or because she could tell you weren't willing to share and be totally honest about it. I personally would just lay down the law and tell her what YOU want to discuss today. Since you felt embarrassed, that might be too difficult. One tactic is to write her a letter, and bring it with you to the session and have her read it. Either way, the air will be cleared and I'm sure you both will be wanting to do some serious therapy. Don't worry about her comfort. If you find you are doing that, tell her. You don't have to be the Parent or the strong one in this relationship. I wish you luck and comfort in your therapy!



The only thing I can think of is to ask her if she's uncomfortable talking about sex just before or right as you notice her getting uncomfortable. This could help her realize that she's overlooking what you need to talk about for her own comfort. Also, if she's just not right for you, you could look into finding a sliding scale therapist/therapy practice in your area. They'll only charge you want you can pay for want you need.
Good luck!



It doesn't seem like you are compatible. Maybe switch to another counsellor. Or since you have done that already, wait a while longer until you build a better relationship with her and maybe it won't be uncomfortable.



Woah! Who is the therapist?! She is! So... who cares if she's uncomfortable! You're basically paying her, so don't be shy!



You should bring up this very concern with her. Ask her about what happened, why she was uncomfortable, and how you can approach the subjects you need to discuss without making her feel awkward. She's being a little immature if she won't allow you to talk about certain things. Just tell her that part of your main issues which got you into therapy in the first place revolve around these certain topics, and therefore you feel as if you must discuss them in more detail with her -- and that you don't want to feel dismissed by her for bringing them up.


EDIT: I don't really know what to tell you, then. Either find the strength to bring it up, or don't and keep living with this problem. What's the worst that could happen? Therapists have heard it all -- and you're not even talking about something strange. You're talking about something completely natural. But, again, either just come out with it or don't. There's not much else you can do.




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