Why ultimatums don't help people with self injury problems?!
Question: Why ultimatums don't help people with self injury problems?
i understand the concept of WHY, i just don't know how to word it in a way that makes sense. so here's the deal.
i've had this stupid cycle of self injury. it's on and off. lately my boyfriend has been getting sick of it and says "either you stop, or we break up" or "if you do it again, than i'm going to do it to myself"
i keep trying to explain to him that it's not that simple. i don't WANT to do it. and him 'bullying' me into stopping just creates more negativity.
i don't know what other reasons to give him. he's convinced that this is helping me, when it's not.
he needs to realize that this ultimatum isn't going to help anyone- and even though i love him tremendously, it's not going to decrease my chances of doing it again. to me, one has nothing to do with the other. i don't think about how much i love him or want to be with him when i go into to those manic episodes.
help me understand a way to clarify this for him. every time i try to explain it, i come up short and i'm at a loss of words (as well as patience)
Answers:
Often self injury is an outlet for a person that is having some problems. It's a way to deal with being under too much pressure, and instead of taking it out on other people, the person takes it out on themselves.
Creating even more pressure on the person that uses self injury as an outlet, is not going to be productive. Likely, it will compell them want to self injure even more.
If this is your major and you don't know how to explain it then how do you expect him to understand why anyone would want to harm themselves?It is not normal behavior and he is also short on patience at this point and obviously out of alternative options. Try getting help or medication to help you.Maybe your major should be something else (if you don't even get it)
I think it would be because they are under enough emotional burdens and turmoil as it is, that the threat of an ultimatum would bring their anxiety/emotion over the edge. It would be WAY better to instead offer to accept them as they are and work with them in that way <3
Please take the time to read this, it can only help:
http://www.gotquestions.org/way-of-salva…
I think you need to change this act learn to love your self no body harm them selfs at any price good luck
Myself