Is this a good idea towards raising self-esteem/confidence?!
Question: Is this a good idea towards raising self-esteem/confidence?
I have low self esteem issues from living under emotional abuse for 17 years of my life from living at home with a very strict and downgrading father and a mother who had taught me to keep my emotions in. I'll be turning 19 in the summer, and I'll have to come home from living on campus soon for the summer. Luckily my dad was transferred to another location for a job about a year ago, and the rest of my family will be moving out of state with him after this summer ends, so I'll be able to live in this state not only on campus away from my parents, but away from my parents state wise (WHOO!). However, I still have a going-for-17-years-strong low self esteem scar, and I would like to fix that, probably when the rest of my family moves out of state. I'm thinking of cutting my hair into an asymmetrical bob (right now my hair goes all the way down to my mid-spine pretty much) or getting a tattoo, preferably on my finger or on my ankle. With cutting my hair however, my mom doesn't want me to, telling me I better not cut my hair, with all the work she's put into it. My dad, too, thinks I look prettier (no lie, he actually said that) with my hair down and not up, but recently (I guess because he's been away from the state for so long) he said he wouldn't mind if I cut my hair, which is pretty cool. People always complain why I want to cut my hair- as an african american, I'm supposed to be happy to have this hair at all, they say. But the hair makes me feel akward, I don't feel hot at all, except for literally, like sweating. People say guys like long hair- no guys have came up to me, and I just feel like the hair is guarding me from taking one step towards being who I want to be. And of COURSE if I get a tat I can't tell my parents about it, lol. Are these two ways good ways of raising self confidence/esteem?
Answers:
Well, getting a tat may help you feel better temporarily as a kind of rebellion against your folks.
Cutting your hair as you know is more of a statement, and frankly, it's a statement you have every right to make. You are 19 and an adult. You have every right to wear your hair the way you like.
I know exactly what you're talking about though about the years of demeaning you at home. I have to think that parents can't know what kind of damage they are doing...at least I hope not.
I was in the same situation. I was overweight, and my whole life growing up I was constantly told how ugly I was. There was a lot more to the abuse I won't get into here, but what you really need to do is get to a therapist to get help to start undoing the years of damage that have been done to your self-esteem. That isn't going to go away with any quick fix and you're going to have to learn to deal with and reverse your feeling so that you can learn to like yourself exactly as you are.
As for your parents, it may come down to you telling them to back off from the degrading remarks to you. In my early 20's I finally had to tell my dad if he ever mentioned my weight to me again, I would stop coming over to see him. He never mentioned it to me again.
I know what you've been through and feel deeply for you. Good luck to you.
mimi
Also victim of abuse.
I'm not trying to sound mean or nuthin, but how old are you? You are almost an adult. It is your body, your hair, and your life. It always has been, even if stupid *** parents think otherwise. I could care less what the **** the damn law says about being a minor mom! Shut the hell up about my life! Anyways, do what the hell you want to do. What's the worst yo family can do? Not talk to you no mo? Lol good luck!
Hi berr!
childhood abuse is something that you cannot change with either a haricut or a tatto. However it is a good first step!Is this a good idea towards raising self-esteem/confidence? As a 20 yr Aussie guy i can agree that GENERALLY long hair is more attractive on women, but that said i have also seen women with short hair look more mature and is some cases sexy.More importantly, it's OK not to have guys come up to you. they're probably creeps anyway. a new hair cut might be just what you need to help your posture, attitude and personality when dealing with a new enviroment. Dont think of it as your parents are finally leaving. think of it as a chance for you to reinvent yourself.
ps. dont like tats, ink is forever your ethics and opinions are not. right that down (on paper, not your skin)
I have low self esteem issues from living under emotional abuse for 17 years of my life from living at home with a very strict and downgrading father and a mother who had taught me to keep my emotions in. I'll be turning 19 in the summer, and I'll have to come home from living on campus soon for the summer. Luckily my dad was transferred to another location for a job about a year ago, and the rest of my family will be moving out of state with him after this summer ends, so I'll be able to live in this state not only on campus away from my parents, but away from my parents state wise (WHOO!). However, I still have a going-for-17-years-strong low self esteem scar, and I would like to fix that, probably when the rest of my family moves out of state. I'm thinking of cutting my hair into an asymmetrical bob (right now my hair goes all the way down to my mid-spine pretty much) or getting a tattoo, preferably on my finger or on my ankle. With cutting
my hair however, my mom doesn't want me to, telling me I better not cut my hair, with all the work she's put into it. My dad, too, thinks I look prettier (no lie, he actually said that) with my hair down and not up, but recently (I guess because he's been away from the state for so long) he said he wouldn't mind if I cut my hair, which is pretty cool. People always complain why I want to cut my hair- as an african american, I'm supposed to be happy to have this hair at all, they say. But the hair makes me feel akward, I don't feel hot at all, except for literally, like sweating. People say guys like long hair- no guys have came up to me, and I just feel like the hair is guarding me from taking one step towards being who I want to be. And of COURSE if I get a tat I can't tell my parents about it, lol. Are these two ways good ways of raising self confidence/esteem?
Peter!