i need some advise on what to do re being sexually assulted?!


Question: I need some advise on what to do re being sexually assulted?
to cut a long story short i was assulted over 8 years ago now by someone i knew very well, from childhood actually and he assulted me. now over 8 years later i still cant trust men and cannot be in the same room as them unless i have my husband with me. (he does know about this situation) at the time i couldnt/wouldnt report it as i felt as this is a small village my name would be dragged throught the mud and id have to live with the snide comments etc and i do have to live here so ive tried to forget it...but i cant.

anyway...and this sounds silly i know...but weve recently had the opportunity for an allotment and he has one too and so theres a high possiblity ill be seeing more of this person (who is married and has grown up kids who i went to school with). im so nervous about this. this was supposed to be my escape of sorts..to be able to go to the allotment for a bit of me time and now i dont know if he will be there....what do i do? should i keep the allotment or should i just try to forget it? i dont know if i can :(

any advice would be wonderful.

thank you

Answers:

You haven't really dealt with your feelings about being assaulted. Have you been to counselling? You need to talk it out until you feel like you've said everything there is to say. You should be able to reach a point where it doesn't matter that it is a small village, or that people know, BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. HE DID!!!! *** HE *** IS THE ONE WHO SHOULD WORRY THAT IT IS A SMALL VILLAGE.

You should be able to walk up to him, look him in the eye, and tell him he owes you an apology.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. Some very famous people have talked about being molested in public exactly because it is a healing experience, to say it out loud and have people validate your feelings, that he was the one who was wrong, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

I am sorry for what happened to you. You MUST work through your feelings. You need to be free from this once and for all.

If you confront this, you might find that your attacker, now that he is older, is struggling with this too.



you say you were attacked but you don't want to do anything about it, but your now showing sign of guilt and a change in life style, by holding onto this traumatic experience, you will most certainly experience mental health problem later on, I would report this to the police because he could still be doing what he did to you, maybe to his own children



Call the COPSSSSSSSSSSSS

911



**** off you troll.
mountain troll.

youra troll



ptsd???



allotment might help you accept (not forgive) what happened and that it was in the past and not happening anymore. *its what my therapist tells me to do at least*

as for the memories try things on this list to distract your thoughts

When you are triggered the best thing to try and do is ground yourself by doing activities such as the ones on this list:

1. breathe slowly and deeply. In for 5 seconds. Hold for 5 seconds. Out for 5 seconds. and keep repeating it over and over.

2. Use your 5 senses. Smell 5 things where you are now. Taste 5 things. Hear 5 things. See 5 things. Touch 5 things. BUT if one of the senses is what triggered you don't use that sense, skip over it and use another one twice.

3. Call someone you trust, like a friend or your T

4. Write in a journal

5. Draw

6. Change your scenery. If you are outside go inside and visa versa.

7. Write poetry or a story

8. Read a book

9. Play video games

10. Write a letter to someone who hurt you. Then crumple it up and throw it away. Put all the thoughts down on paper as if you would show the person but tear it up and never show them. That is a way for you to get it out.

11. Go for a walk or jog. Be mindful, look at your surroundings and feel the sun, rain, snow, hot, cold.

12. Hold ice in your hand. The cold will snap you back to the present and wont leave any marks

13. Snap a rubber band against your wrist. Once again it will bring you back to the present.

14. Repeat phrases such as "I am safe now" "It's over" "It's just a memory"

15. If you have a pet like a dog or cat pet them, brush them, hug them. Pets hold unconditional love for their owners and are amazing at making people feel better.

Add your own to this list...

i got this list from http://selfhelp.yuku.com which is a support site that has forums on sexual assault and other topics.



Honestly, if I were you, I'd skip the allotment if it meant having to see this pervert again.
You're in enough turmoil as it is and I can't imagine how compounded it would be if you actually
had to see him.
I hope you'll consider counseling, it really sounds like you need it. Keep in mind if you go, it may take seeing a few therapists before you find just the right one...but hang in there cause there's lots
of good ones out there. Be sure to look for one that deals with issues like the assault you experienced if possible. Your local hospital has a hotline for victims of rape that they could give you and you could call them to get an idea of a good therapist to call.
Good luck to you,
mimi

medical professional



Long time ago now, back when girls were left to guess their way through puberty, sexual awareness and so on..I was sexually assaulted by a close family friend, not once but on many occasions because when I told my parents what was going on I was unable to do so in terms that they would have found convincing..and the friend was a "highly respected member of the community". Once i was told that I was lying about it all I stopped trying to get help and if he had raped me I would probably have kept that to myself as well. So I do know.
Mercifully it never went as far as rape but it did colour my relationships with men for a very long time, for much longer than I realised in fact. Like you i married a man I was able to trust and eventually able to tell this to..at least in broad outline...and like you I thought I was getting on with my life and had put this episode firmly out of it. Thankfully I did not have to go on seeing him around because my family had been working abroad when we knew him and had long since left him behind..but one day I was at my fathers home and answered the telephone..I knew that he was still in touch with my father but I just put that out of my head as well,after all, it did not touch me. Only of course, it was him on the telephone that day..and there were other people in the room and a woman in her thirties does not drop the receiver and run out of the room..she talks politely and listens and talks again and then hands the telephone over to her father and goes quietly upstairs to throw up and try to stop shaking. The fact of the matter is that you do not get over these things, you simply get away from them. It is not right or fair but if he is going to be around then you ought not to take the allotment..at best it is going to put a strain on you that will be hard to tolerate and at worst he might think that you are hoping to be alone with him..try for an allotment someplace else and in the meantime, if you have a garden at all then make your own vegetable patch in it or buy a small green house or poly tunnel and grow the more delicate fruits and vegetables in it..and take a garden chair into it on mild days so you can sit and read and enjoy the sunshine...With the price of tomatoes and sweet peppers soaring after the bad winter this year, you can go some way towards making this pay for itself and still have your "me-time".

You might also consider seeing a counsellor; your GP can refer you to one within the NHS who will be properly qualified and who you may find it easier to speak to than even your husband. Not a psychiatrist, his job to to get rid of the symptoms, not to deal with underlying causes and you need a friend..the sort who will never ever share what you tell them with anyone else you know and who will not refer to it if you should meet them away from their office..a sort of confessional without the penances.

I know it sounds like cowardice or even self blame to give up something you want because of this man. but if you eat something delicious and turn out to be allergic to it, you do not eat it again, do you? And you do not regard that as being your own fault. Put your own peace of mind first and go with that.




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