Do think i kinda messed up my life?!


Question: Do think i kinda messed up my life?
Do you think i kinda messed up my life?
well i feel really sad! i used to be a really big lover of life.. always laughing and joking around. everyone always come to me for advise and i always made sure that everything was going to be OK you know thats how i made them feel.. i did feel like my mom was kinda nosy and always very protective but i was never doing anything bad and never disrespected her.. but now i feel she is very nosy. if i like something it was alway wrong or she didn't like it, everything i do now she wants to get involved. doesn't like any of my friends but i feel she doesn't let/ want me socializing with anyone.. just a mean person to me. she will vent to me about stuff and i just can't take it i tell her not too and if i say that she gets mad i have two brothers why me all the time. if i don't like it she will say more things.. i feel like the more i look down shes like happier in a way.. its been like this for years.. i'm 23 (yeah i know) and i have now just figured shes really not that nice how everyone thinks she is and she has controlled everything i have done and made me feel a certain way about me. the problem is i started college and i completely lost all my social skills.. it started last week i feel like dropping out again.. but i really don't know were my life is going because i want so much more... any suggestions???

i feel like i have this anger toward her.. i don't want too. i don't know if i'm being selfish and blaming her but thats how she makes me feel
10 hours ago - 4 days left to answer.

I do tell her what she's doing shes does doesn't care and it seems like she doe's it more and brushes it off then does the same b.s and i think just to piss me off

Answers:

I can most definitely relate to what your saying in almost every way. I used to think a lot like you do. It took time, but I realized perhaps my transition from popular high schooler to secluded college student - wasn't because of my parents but because I am much happier this way. In my case, I value my privacy and alone time now like no other. My first two years of college were horrible because I tried fighting who I was. I joined every club, a fraternity, etc. Everyone told me thats what I was supposed to be doing. I clearly didn't feel comfortable there and it showed. I dropped out of every single one. I couldn't understand what was happening. It took two years to realize that you cannot force making friends anymore. In high school, at least for me, it was all about popularity and partying... prom and dating... there were tons of kids with the same priorities... but without realizing it, my priorities changed. Instead of being proud I was growing up, I tried to fight it. My friends were partying like crazy and me? Sitting home reading books. Everyone kept asking if I was depressed. It made me question what was happening to my life. I wanted to leave school - badly. I'm glad I didn't. I found a group of friends I can be myself... my old, outgoing self with. They have the opposite morals I do (they will always party before school, never worry about who is paying, sleep around, etc.) However, unlike my old friends they don't do drugs when they party, they always are responsible about who is driving, they would give me what little money they had if it meant helping me out, and we all share the same sense of humor. It sounds really homo - but I genuinely like what kind of guys they are. You may not think its normal now, but its okay to lack some (or even all) social skills when you go to college. Your growing up. Its just hard to see now.

In reference to your relationship with your mother... when your at an age where your transitioning into adulthood, many kids find they no longer wish to live the lifestyle - or simply see faults in the lifestyles of their parent(s). I sure did. This is completely understandable. You feel you no longer need to take what your mothers putting you through. The fact that you are identifying that what she is doing to you, at least in your eyes, is wrong - means she did something right. My parents are the same way when it comes to my friends. They don't like me socializing because they fear I will go out and get hurt. They, I am not sure about your mother, grew up in a much different time. You say your mother has always been like this and your just seeing it. However, you say you just recently lost your social skills. Do you see where thats flawed a little bit? If you were a sociable person before... and she hasn't changed - maybe you changed? And thats okay! I'm telling you, college is such an intense period of growth for some kids - I wouldn't recognize who I was last year, let alone four years ago. All you can do is be proud of the person your becoming. If you are, then you have to give your folks some credit. Also, your mom has such an intense relationship with NATASHA (hopefully a girl) over your BROTHERS (boys) simply because your a girl. Same thing in my family. While your moaning about your relationship, I bet your brothers sometimes envy the special bond you share.

So, to sum it up... DO NOT DROP OUT OF SCHOOL. I promise you, again, you may not know me - but you will thank me for pushing through. Life is tough. Your mom may be selfish and paranoid... even a complete downer - but don't let her be the one you blame for changing. Its hard to see it this way because your in the situation. Its normal to feel resentment to your mother, but as I stated - you coming on here shows you understand when to look for help and that you may not always be right. Your doing good as far as I can tell. Just keep your head up!



no i don't
you just need to start thinking positive



Hi, I totally get this one.

I had to leave home at 16 as my Mum was extremely abusive, she also stopped me having friends & I lost all my social skills. I was homeless for many years but I finally got it together.

My situation is possibly a bit more extreme as compared to yours however I totally understand how she is making you feel. Don't let this stop you from going to college. Please, you'll really regret this one, I regret all the years I have wasted.
But instead, see a doctor, tell him you're thinking of quitting college, he could medicate you for the nerves & social issues or he could refer you to therapy to help you try to solve the social issue problems.

As much as you love her & want to be there for her your mum I think it's about time that you cut ties, get your own place & try to start again.

I mean, if your Mum wants to still be in your life then off-course, that would be amazing-your Mum should be the most important person in your life. Well, one of them.
In my opinion family should stick together yet sometimes it's better for the both of you to be apart.

Your Mum might need help also, & you should try to help her where necessary.

She also must feel closer to you because you are the female, your 2 brothers are boys & are on another level all together.

Anyways, this is just my opinion...But I can at least offer that, hopefully I have helped in just a little way, if not I hope things work out & you find the answer you need.

Take care... :0)



No matter what you think she probably doesn't do it intentionally but if she doesn't seem to get it when you talk to her maybe try something else. Get talking to people at college, I'm sure most people are really friendly and the ones who aren't aren't worth knowing anyway! If you start going out with new people you'll be able to have more independence and stop your mum having so much control over you. If she has a problem with it then tell her you are 23 and as much as you appreciate her input you want to try new things yourself and sometimes you have to make your own mistakes. If you're mature about it she might start to see that you're old enough to run your own life and step back a bit.




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