I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me?!

So this is a short story of how things went for me. The beginning of my freshmen year I was extremely depressed, like I felt sad all the time and was constantly over sleeping cause I couldn't get out of bed. I felt unbelievably guilty over everything, felt a lot of anxiety, cried 4 to 5 times a day, was gorging myself with food to drowned out bad feelings, ended up scratching my arms in anger and pulling on my hair and screaming at myself, and more. This lasted for three and a half months until finally it started being off and on, then unlike before where I just kind of thought about death, I was now seriously thinking about killing myself. Like I remember I had like these three times where I just wanted to die so bad that I wanted to stab the pain out of my chest, then eventually I stopped having suicidal thoughts and almost attempts. Then after that I thought I was better and even though I was still crying a lot and feels tons of guilt I just wasn't as sad anymore, I thought I was getting better. Then I started seeing things that weren't there, (Bugs crawling on the floor that weren't there, twinkling stars in an empty night sky, a cat with no facial details, people in empty cars, etc.) Then that stopped and I began having heart palpitations, like out of nowhere my heart would start pounding and then I went through this day where for half of the day I felt so worked up. Like I was really shaky and trembling, I felt like a strong mix of fear and worry. But I couldn't shake the feeling, it was really scary and I just felt like crying. It was like that feeling when you do something horrible and you get really scared, but it lasted half the day.
I've always had a lot of people issues, like I think people just find me kind of socially unpleasant. Like I've always been kind of an outcast with only two best friends, but I'm usually on the outside from everyone else. I just get really afraid of people and them judging me or humiliating me. I don't talk to people I think are either really pretty or handsome, cause I have this instant fear they will just make fun of me or something for talking to them. I hate judging people but I can't help but avoid those kind of people. I'm pretty paranoid too, like for two years I have slept with a blanket over each ear out of fear that bugs will crawl into my ears while I sleep. Or I always check under the toilet seat out of fear that bugs are waiting for me when I'm most vulnerable. I usually worry about money even though it's not my worry, it's my parents. Or I'm always afraid I'm going to get a serious disease or cancer and die. It's been like that for a long time now. Sometimes I don't really know what I'm worried about.
But to be honest I just think really strange and feel so weird, like one second I look in the mirror and love myself. Think that I'm pretty and nice and I just like who I am and the next I loathe myself, literally I hate myself more than anyone and feel like a failure to life. I usually hate myself more than love myself by the way. Then like one second I hate my friends and think their mean and stupid, the next I love them and never want them to leave me.
But to tell the truth, it's not that bad, I mean I feel a lot of pain. But I'm not really that depressed anymore and the anxiety isn't so bad, I can manage. But I'm just so uncertain of things. I just think strangely and think really negatively about myself and the sometimes the world, I sometimes do things that I don't mean too and it feels really unreal that I did it. But honestly it's not like I can't deal, I can.
But do you think I should see a doctor still?
Can the way I'm being be bad?
I mean what excuse to I say to go to the doctor?

By the way, I'm only 14 and I've never talked to anyone about this.

Thank you!