Why do I destroy relationships (and other things)?!
Question: Why do I destroy relationships (and other things)?
Actually, anything good makes me feel unsettled. A lot of the time I will find myself not studying for tests -- not because of laziness, but because I find the idea of success to be scary.
Also, I deliberately (but unconsciously) create bad relationships with my parents. I hate the idea of having a good relationship with them. I always refuse to help them, am rude to them, and go out of my way to disappoint them. I just don't understand why I do this.
I know I would never ever ever actually do it, but I've been completely obsessed with the idea (JUST the idea) of suicide lately. I really have no idea why, except for the destruction it involves is so appealing.
Why is the idea of my life being a train wreck so appealing to me? Why do I like the idea of ruining all of my relationships and being alone for the rest of my life?
I think I really might need to get help, but I would feel like a hypochondriac or needy seeking real attention for this. I just recently got into a really good college, though, and I just don't want to screw everything up. I don't feel like I have much control over my life, though.
What should I do? Is there a name for these feelings or anything?
Thank you :)
Answers:
Great post. You probably destroy relationships first because of low self-worth. You beat them to the finish line. You think if and when they get to really know you they'll leave you. You're sure of this so you push them away first. Subconsciously this is better than being left, you appear to have control, but not the reward of mutually trusting relationship, that part really sucks. We want to be loved and accepted. You think too much, obsessive thoughts cause you to over-think your problems, thereby creating your own issues. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Do you feel you have to be right, you need to right about things? Everything? To prove yourself right? You sound gifted intellectually with fear of success and fear of failure, not living up to your own expectations. It will help to talk to a counselor, also a MD that specializes in psych, medication may help slow your thinking. Keep trying till you find the one that works for you. It took me years because I kept giving up. You are your own advocate and you know the patient best. My obsessive thoughts followed by compulsive action, combined with my racing mind, led to addiction and depression. Regular anti-depressants didn't work. I had enough serotonin. I had dopamine and nor-epinephrine problems. ADHD. My relationship issues stemmed from my father dying when I was little. I felt whomever I loved and needed would leave me. Talking to others like you will help greatly, we make fun of how crazy or insane we might act or think. Your perception is 'distorted', what I mean is you're focused on how you feel, and that amplifies your feelings, they seem larger and worse than they actually are. Feelings suck. Why you feel bad doesn't really help, what you can do does. Act yourself into a better way of thinking, then the feelings improve. Self Esteem, have you done any esteem-able things? It's not thinking 'less' of yourself it's thinking of others more. When I feel bad I call someone and ask how THEY are, preferably someone less fortunate that needs something. This is dual purpose, it gets me out of my crappy thinking and into someone else's problem. This is solution-based thinking, action. Whatever problems you have will be solved with effort and time. You don't have to feel good to do good, thank God for that. Today I don't make decisions based on feelings, I use sound judgment, usually from an outside source, if I'm unsure or have made mistakes in that area before. I'm great in complex areas but the simple things can evade me. I used to question the viability of a simple solution. Being honest, with yourself and others, open-minded, to listen, and willing to take suggestions, will lead you to a happy productive and stable life. For you and me this is normal, but the rest of the world, not so much. For about six weeks this year, I felt my life was worthless, but my analytical mind new better. Those feelings sucked, and I was acting crazy trying to fell better. I set better boundaries, pushing my girlfriend away when I wanted her even closer, she wasn't good for me, and that was making me feel worse. I need to be happy with who I am before I can have a valid relationship. I didn't destroy the relationships anymore, but I wasn't letting them all the way in, 'if they knew me they wouldn't love me', I gave them just enough, but wasn't honest. I was mysterious and unpredictable, this led me to develop unhealthy relationships and co-dependency. You hit on one simple truth, you can't change what life brings you, but you can change how you react to it. When you accept your faults and character defects you suddenly have the ability to work on them. Hope this helps. I've studied behavior, psychology, neuro-chemistry for years, knowing why we act or feel a certain way is irrelevant compared to what we can do to change. It was too simple. Acting better eventually makes you feel better. First you identify your faults, correct your behavior, become accountable for your actions and negative re-actions. Develop healthy relationships with peers, talk to your counselor or clergy, meditate or pray for willingness and guidance. Getting outside perspective on yourself is priceless, it quickly identifies bad behavior. Act better, you start thinking better(less about how you feel, more about what you can do) then you feel better. No one feels good all the time. Some days just suck and that's ok. I've never read about the happiest person on the planet, but I've read about the ones that had the most problems, trouble and accomplished the most. Life's not about how you feel but what you can do about it. Love, Tom
If you re-read what you wrote, it sounds like you answered all your questions yourself. There's no name for how you're feeling except but they're important because they're specific to you. I feel that you probably just need a psychologist to talk to.
okay fist of all if u want to screw every thing up u wouldnt have psted this!!! :) so thats a good sighn
it seemes like u have a personality disorder or ocd (obsessive composive dissorder) those illnisses follow up with depression go to web MD (its alll about the health thing) and look up mentele illneesses help ur self first then rely on others GOOD LUCK
WEB MD
You need a psychiatrist