Should I Move With My Mom, Or Stay? I Could Really Use Some Advice...?!
Question: Should I Move With My Mom, Or Stay? I Could Really Use Some Advice...?
I love my mom more than anyone in the world. This sounds pathetic, but she is probably my best friend. The past 5 yrs or so have been rough, because I've had to watch my mom deal with problems with abusing alcohol. She has been charged with 3 DUI's, been in the ICU after a bar fight (during which she was intoxicated) and has had a hard time keeping up with her finances.
This spring, she plans on moving to another state, 1000 miles away, to start things over. I am so upset because, honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do having her so far away. I am considering moving with her, because I feel like I need a change in my life too. I graduated high school with high honors last year, but I didn't go off to college like most of my classmates. I've been dealing with an eating disorder/OCD/social anxiety, and I didn't (and still don't) feel ready to go off on my own. I was offered a pretty good scholarship at a university, but I would still have to take out some loans, and I just wanted to go to a community college for a year or two til I figure things out.
So I've been considering moving with my mom, and taking community college courses next year. However, I don't know if this is the right decision. I've told my mom about my concerns about her drinking/going out, and she claims that she wants to make a change. I just don't know if it will happen. Also, I would be leaving my two sisters (ages 17 and 16) behind, and I would miss them so much.
Sorry that was so long, but this has been on my mind constantly, and I've been weighing the pros/cons of each decision, and I really don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much
Answers:
Hello..you sound like a mature caring young lady! I understand how much you will miss your mom and family, but honey you cannot take care of her forever and don't you think a lot of the reason you want to go with her is just because of that? It sounds like you've been looking out for her for a while and though very noble of you it is not nor should have ever been your role. You have some pretty serious issues yourself, but you recognize that and that is a lot of the battle...so good for you! I say stay where you are and let her go now. She needs to figure things out for herself and get well. You will have your sisters here to support you and you need to get well! I'm a mom of a 20 year old and I can tell you the greatest gift you can give to your mom is yourself healthy.. mentally, physically, emotionally. The last thing I ever want to be to my son is a burden he has to have on his mind. You are on your way honey, keep going. I think you already know what to do. Best wishes....
To be honest. I think this will be a good change for you. If you go to community college wherever you and your mom end up living, there will be support there at school like counseling. If your mom wants to make a change there are places out there to help women with those types of problems. This change just might be what you need to help you mature and grow as a woman.
I question the need to move 1000 miles away from your family to "start over".
Typically personal problems don't happen based on geography. Mom needs to fight her battles with herself independent of simply moving.
That being said, you raised two important (probably most important) points for argument against moving:
moving affects going to college, moving affects family relationships.
What benefits are there to moving? You mentioned emotional support for some personal problems. I can't imagine your mother can offer much support when she has problems of her own to deal with.
I would imagine your sisters could benefit with you around, no? With a split family - it's the younger ones we need to look out for. I imagine you're a role model in their life?
My 2 cents.