Depressed, troubled teen, how to help her!? Please!?!


Question: Depressed, troubled teen, how to help her!? Please!?
My husband's cousin, so my cousin-in-law, is 14 years old I think, and a freshman in high school. I have only seen her a few times and so I don't know her that well. My husband found her facebook and is now her friend, I don't have a facebook and from time-to-time I talk to our mutual friends through his messaging and look at friend's pictures and stuff. So, since he has become her friend I have noticed she seems to be going through a lot for her age. It seems she had a boyfriend that broke up with her and is now with another girl and she still loves him, she says. Multiple times an hour, every day she posts stuff about how her heart is broken and she could never love anyone else and sometimes even says she hates herself and has hinted at cutting, she seems very depressed. She has been suspended from school and seems to "brag" about it and also swears A LOT, I know a lot of kids do these days, but sometimes I just can't believe it. She is only 14!

My husband says her parents had a lot of issues and had divorced and I think her dad is drunk a lot. She also seemed to hint that she had been molested by a family member on one of her posts. My dad was never home when I was little and was always at the bar, and I also was molested by a family member, so I really hope she can see that I very much can relate. I am only 22 and so I remember very much what it was like to be that age. My husband and I dated all through HS and stayed out of the "bad crowds" and didn't go to crazy parties like most people we knew did, and at the time it may have seemed a little bit like we were missing out, but now it's so easy to see how ridiculous so many of the things are that happen and/or are "important" in HS.

I had a death in my immediate family when I was 14 and went through a very tough time. I really want to help her but I don't really know where to begin. I think, or at least I hope, she could see that I have been through a lot of the same things and could relate to me. I know I can't just ask her to hang out sometime and then tell her thing after thing that she is doing wrong and that isn't healthy, I know that won't help. But there is so much she seems to need help with and I want to her to know that I really do care and understand, but where do I start? I just don't want her to be like, "You don't know me! Who are you to pretend you care!?" Has someone ever been in this kind of a situation? Thanks for any advice!

Answers:

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

I am a senior in high school, while I've never been in this situation I know what high school is like and the stress it can cause. Maybe she needs someone she can trust to talk to. Talking about things wiht someone really helps, even if it is a simple problem. She might not have anyone she feels comfortable with or can trust, which is very important. It is important for a teen to develop a relationship with an adult so she will have someone to go to when things get rough. You said you havent really talked to her much, well maybe you should start. Start by having her get to know you first so she understands that you get where she is coming from. She might just feel lonely and needs a role model, you could be that for her. She may be acting out looking for someone to notice and take an interest in helping her. I don't know if I helped but I just wanted to say that as a teen she needs someone to trust and it doesnt see like she has that.



Hi,well I can relate to your situation with you wanting to reach out and help your cousin in law.I have a niece who is now 15,and is going through a tough time,and now considered a run away due to the fact that she couldn't stand living with my brother,and I can't say that I blame her one bit.My brother is an awful father,curses his children calls them terrible names,smokes pot(they've found it in the house).So,my niece decided to run away and live with her mother while my brother had full custody,and my ex sister in law back then wasn't financially able to care for their children,so she gave full custody to my brother.Anyways,I can relate as I've tried so hard to help my niece,but she lives so far away from me,and I haven't the financial means to travel to see her as often as I want,and neither does she.I think you should ask your husband to see(ask) your cousin in law to come over to your home for a night/evening.And,maybe even ask her to a movie...make it a family movie night for all 3 of you...dinner and a movie.Then..the next weekend go a step further...You ask her to maybe come over,and you can ask her if she would like a sleep over...a 'girls night',and rent a movie(dvd) or whatever she would like,and make/bake whatever she would enjoy...pizza,cookies whatever teens like these days.I've found teens like pizza rolls...)...But,you must know? These things do take time..all trusting relationships do take time,and this young girl has been hurt,traumatized.And,your going to have to be patient and understanding with her.Ok? So...just try to work with some of these ideas...have your husband to invite her over for a movie/dinner or both..He is on her facebook friends list,so that's a start...and take things from there slowly.I think the 2 of you will be good friends,but make sure to take things one step at a time.Ok? Wishing you all the best and I really hope things work out for the best for everyone involved.Take care.



She probably needs someone to talk too i know i did... u should just ask ur husband (or u can do it urself) to ask the girl if she would like to hang out with u sometime and talk and to get to know each other more... maybe try to gain her trust... she might start to open up to u slowly....



I think you have the perfect opportunity to help this young lady, especially since you have been through rough times in your high school years. The best way to connect with her is by expressing your familiarity with how she is feeling, but to make sure the conversation naturally flows in that direction before bringing it up. Be up front and direct, but don't push the subject. Relate her current emotions to how you felt, and give examples about how you were able to get through these rough times. Lastly, open to door to further conversations. See how she responds to your initial comments, if nothing happens maybe you can visit her sometime and have this conversation in person, you might get a breakthrough.

Best of luck, I wish the best for your cousin in law!



she needs help. professional help and you will not find it here, you should get in touch with her ASAP and just talk, she needs someone to relate too who will just listen not an I told you so
reach out to her now and be a friend




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