im a lonely 20yr old male!?!
Question: Im a lonely 20yr old male!?
i dont go out much, and when i do, i feel like people are laughing at how ugly i am. i feel like im the ugly weird looking person, and everyone looks at me weirdly. when i look in the mirror, i actually am ugly to be honest. sometimes i think i look ok, but overall im not good looking.
no 1 likes me, i can sense it when i am in a social suitation. i dunno why this is.
anyways, i do actually have some people coming to see me in 10 days times, like 'doctors' of some kind. but i am scared, and i dont think anyone can help me because my problem is real. they cant make people 'like' me, they cant get me a job, they cant get me a girlfriend.
i predict they will just say take some medication, and try and take walks outside....but ive taken walks outside, it does not help, it makes things worse! so what can they do ? im hopeless.
i just am so bored of sitting in on my pc all day everyday. buying takeaway food. gambling with the small amount of money i do get and losing it. i gamble coz im bored and when i lose....im even more depressed thinking why did i do that!
i stay awake all night because its peacefull, and im on my own, on the laptop. i dont like getting up through the day coz i cant just sit in peace on laptop. im a loner by choice. i love the darkness, just me and the laptop. and comfort food. :( why why why me!!!!!!!1 im so jealous of everyone having a life, having girlfriends, job with loads of money. looking forward to there day. i dont look forward to anything. i cant....
so can you just try and give me some hope, i dont know what im asking, but if you have read this, then try and write something lol. :(
oh yeh im in england, its 1 am now. about 5 or 6 hours untill i go to bed. great life eh ? and were im from is not too nice...middlesbrough, in north east england. so i aint got much oppertunity even if i was a confident person looking for a job.
Answers:
i sowrys your so sad :( i wish I there was somthing I could do to take away all your pain. I know how you feel. I truly really do. I'm a lonely ninteen year old girl and i've never once had a boyfriend. I spent most of my young teen years shutting my self up in my room not talking to people and cutting my self.
All i did was cry all day. I wrote in my journals every night about how much I just wanted to die. To die, was all I wanted more than anything. Not a day went by without me wishing, wishing that maybe i'd get into a car accident, or maybe I would get cancer, or a brain tumor. all I could think was
"Here theres tons of people who are ill and are gonna die yet wants to live and here I am gonna live yet I want to die. If only there was a way I could switch with one of them, they we would both be happy."
I had nothing to live for. I'll tell you that. Nothin nadda! You know what I had to live for,,another day
of having my mom scream and yell at me and me sitting in my room crying and feeling hated and
forgotten.
there was no point to leaving the house. why would I want to? I was sure I was the uglyiest girl on the planet and anytime anyone even so much as looked at me for a seconed i was sure "SURE" that they where looking at me because I was ugly. I was sure I was the ugliest girl on the whole freaken planet I couldn't stand my self!
Better yet I knew how pittiful I was. Sitting there in my room all day crying away my life doing nothing contructive.
But everytime I tried I just wanted to melt! I would leave and try to make friends and socialize yet
every time I did I felt soo...out of place? I felt like a puzzle peice placed inside the wrong puzzle box. Everyone fit in but me. No matter where I was or what I did, I just didn't fit.
Its a horrible feeling to live with, waking up every day, wondering why you even woke up. Feeling like there is nothing out there to live for. Somtimes I still feel this way.
But one day, i decided, that I was missing out. Your right, you don't have anything to live for right now cause frankly playing on a laptop all day and eating junk food is not a life. Being affraid of people and never leaving the house and not making friends is not a life. I know cause I've been there. And I hated it.
But how bad do you hate it? How bad do you want a life? tell me, would you do "Anything" to have a life? Because you can. You can still have a life. You just need to make one. I know its hard to make friends, I know its hard to force your self into crowds without feeling like your the center of laughing stalk and feeling like everyone doesn't like you. But if you want a life, your gonna have to fight it.
its going to be ruff, and its not going to be easy. Making my self go out there and make somthing for my self brought on alot of tears and I went through alot of dougbt. I had anxiety attacks each time. Snuck off into the bathroom and cried because I felt like no one wanted me. But i kept going. I kept trying. No matter how difficult it got.So keep trying no matter what.
Tomarow, don't get on your computer. Go out side, go for a walk. Just walk. Anywhere. Start eating healthy your feel better. I started exercising every day and going for walks which wasn't easy I must say cause each time i passed one person I felt like I was going to shrivel up and wither away. Next time you go shopping, buy fruit and whole grains. Drink water. Stop drinking pop. Take baby steps.
If you truly want what everyone else has, than you have to reach out and take it. take it man! its up to you! Go out there and grave life! If you truly want it than you will go out there and take it.
ok...well think about trying new things like if anybody that you know invites you to do something try it, (im just using this as an example) but you have to do new things and maybe you'll discover that you like something or discover something that your good at. like you said, you're a loner by choice, so choose to do new things, things that might make you happy, and if you havnt traveled, do so..believe in destiny. maybe youre living like this because its going to influence you to "do something different" and when you do "that something" you might find someone....i believe in destiny because 'if you hadn't thought of something, then you wouldn't have done it, if you wouldn't have done it, you would'nt get what you will if you try it.." one thing leads to another but if you dont do anything you'll go nowhere..if this doesnt help then im sorry but i think its the best i can tell you for now, so like they say...live each day to the fullest :)
and dont think about what people say about you, as long as you know that you're not the person they look at you as