WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Can someone tell me what the hell is wrong with me i carnt move somedays i havent even got the strength to brush my teeth i i dont like no on, i hope the world blows up, i think up weird things like the other night i planned out my whole death, ie where i was going to kill myself and if i should take my phone with me or not to play some appropriate music to die to that would make it all the more dramatic and then theres other times where i feel no matter what i do i will automatically think of a positive to that situation and then i would be cured so to say it was my dads funeral 5 years ago and i loved him so much but the 1 thing i thought of straight away was oh well at least he carnt tell me what to do anymore and i automatically got over it, i never cried once after that. Say like i got arrested for murdering someone and i go sent to prison for life, the first thing i would think of is oh well at least i get to live the good life and lie in bed all day watching tele in my cell and get free food. It dosent matter what i do wrong i will always find a positive to it and then im immediately over it. Its scaring me because i know im capable of anything. Other symptoms to my so called disorder are i have no emotion, im so full of anger and hatred towards everyone, i feel invincible all the time, i have severe mood swings, i sleep to much, i look at people evily, i have no sef confidence, i talk to mysef, i have to shout certain things out loud so many times and touch certain stuff, my minds always going ten to the dozen, i have no motivation, im just a big screw up basically! someone please help me before its to late!