How do you feel better about yourself?!

Question: How do you feel better about yourself?

I was diagnosed with depression and am on anti depressants, but they don't seem to do anything. I have a really low self of steam. I think I'm ugly and fat. Today I was called fat by the boy I like, and I found out a 33 year old women weighs less than me and wants to loose wieght. I'm 13. I really don't have friends because everyone at school is just a nasty drama whore or a ***** who is mean to everyone else because their bored... My dad is LOUD and makes me cry and when he see's me crying he says something like "I'll give you something to cry about". That's like his motto. He knows it bothers me when he yells. My therapist told me to tell him and he said he'll try not to yell but he does it alot. I think i like making myself feel sad ( I think it's because my mom gives me attention). My mom tries to ask me what's wrong but I always push her away. She and my dad argue often and he doens't do anything. My mom goes grocery shopping, goes to work (My dad is laid off), feeds the kids, feeds my dad, makes my dads coffee, wakes us all up in the morning, take care of the dog... AND STILL has to take care of herself. My dad spends his entire day on the computer. I don't think I should bring my mom into my problems when she has her hands full... The only thing that makes me slight better is listening to Justin Bieber, listening to his interviews and ect. I feel horrable all the time and Ugly, and i feel ugly and fat because people call me ugly and fat. I wanna go on diet pills but my mom won't let me. I try excersising and eating right but it's too difficult. i tried for a week and gave up. The boy I like found out I liked him (We were really close) and now he doesnt talk to me or if he does he's mean. So long for my only "Friend". I don't wanna talk to my therapist either because my mom is there with me. I love music, I wanna become a singer or a musician, or even a piano teacher or music teacher or something. But I suck at singing. My mom said I'm good but I recorded myself and played it back and I SUCK. I feel so misserable, Music is my only escape to this lonleyfeeling inside of me and once that piece of my heart crumbles, there's nothing. I also like to write poetry but latley they've been all negative and about my depression. I also spend alot of time on my labtop. PLEASE ANSWER. FOR THE SAKE OF A 13 YEAR OLD GIRL WHO FEELS TERRABLE ABOUT HERSELF AND CRIES HERSELF TO SLEEP EVERYNIGHT PLEASE ANSWER! I'm so fusterated that I don't know what to do, my next option is to start cutting my wrists with a razor...

Answers:

Maybe your therapist should speak to your dad!! I think you look like a very gorgeous girl! Music can be a great help, i couldnt live without music!!!!! its so important in my life, it helps me express how im feeling about things!!! Why dont you join a music club?? Just because people call you names, you shouldnt assume they are right!!!! they are saying it to hurt you! try not to let it bother you, i was bullied at school and it was hard, but you have to get pass it otherwise they will win! Also about dieting, just eat less and do more exercise! just try and eat healthy foods and focus on what you want!!!

Do not start self harming!!! its not the answer!! good luck hun xx

do u have a tumblr ? i think what ur deeling with is a collective feeling and u will feel better once u see that u are not the only one going through this. its not just depression but its angst. at the moment it feels like ur whole life, but one day u will reach a point where it no longer exists and i know this sounds impossible but u will really think "how could i have ever felt like that?" middle school is rough and its difficult to make friends, but new kids come and go, and u will meet people who u can start fresh with and u will have friends. its not important anyway everyone in middle school u will loose contact with when u leave. again- it seems like its ur whole life right now but its not. i see what u mean about music being ur escape and justin bieber is a positive influence he is a fearless character and thats what u need to take away from it. keep going to therapy, learn to accept ur dad and ignore his irational behaviour. as long as u realise u did nothing wrong and if u feel like crap and want attention from ur mum, realise that u dont have to be strong and push her away. tell her that u want more attention from her and tell her if u are really hurt. dont worry about passing the feelings onto her, she wants to be there for u. the contact of a maternal figure has extreme healing powers. just believe that u will get better one day. for the time being i suggest u create a tumblr and find some blogs there are perfect poems with imagery and its a mode of expression which u will feel better by doing. there are people out there who feel the exact same way as u. just for now, u can express it until u dont feel it anymore. good luck <3

www.tumblr.com

Heya Girlie,

First off i wanna start by saying you are beautiful i can see from your icon You have nothing to worry about on the beauty front!!!
Boys will be boys, they cant turn round and say they like you at risk of looking stupid so they will call you bad names but thats just there way of dealing!!!

Its good you are seeking the right help in seeing someone and starting the right steps to change! But cutting yourself is not good babe, its dangerous and its something that you can never change babe once you cut you cant turn back. and the scars will remain forever!!!

its obvious you find release in music maybe try writing songs and exploring that side of music! When listening to yourself back it always sounds bad, I do it alot now! i try and upload videos of me singing to youtube and i suck!!! lol

if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to add me on here! sometimes its nice to have someone else to talk to...

I hope you get it sorted babe, Good Luck x

Hi, I'm really sorry that you're having such a difficult time. I went through a similar experience when I just went in to high school. I had very low self esteem and was depressed for several years. My friends in middle school thought I wasn't cool enough and stopped talking to me, so I was very sad and lonely for a while. You are beautiful, you shouldn't feel ugly or fat at all!!! Honestly, at 13 years old, boys aren't exactly mature. He might just not be mature enough to know how to act when a girl likes him, or he's a jerk. And as for the 33 year old woman, a person's weight depends on many different factors like height and body type. One thing that helped me a lot in high school was to join sports. You don't have to be that good at it, but playing sports releases endorphins which make you happier and less stressed out. I danced and played soccer in high school, which really helped me get through. That way, you can eat whatever you want and you can actually have fun exercising. As for your music, you might be better than you think you are. I know that moms have to be nice to their kids, but you are your worst critic. Just keep practising if you really love it. And don't worry! After middle school or high school, it gets SOOO much better!!!! Good luck with everything, God bless.

Okay, its quite obvious that you have a serious problem. Go talk to your therapist, if you dont feel comfortable with your mom in the room, tell her that youd like to talk alone.. if only for part of the session.

Some of the other answers have really good points for you. Next time you are with your mother and the therapist, ask the therapist directly to speak to her(him) alone. Mom may get upset, but you can tell her that you need to "practice" talking with the therapist before you talk with her. Also, I know that parent "stuff" becomes your "stuff" as a habit. It's OK not to take it all on. It's OK to tell yourself that their stuff is THEIR stuff, and you don't have to save your mom or your dad from their stuff. Do the things that bring you true delight--like listening to interviews with people who make sense. And keep talking with the therapist...and your mom... and--guess what--your dad. He may be a klutz at conversation, but you could find out just a wee bit more about his inside workings. Hang in there---you sound intelligent and sensitive, skills that will always be good for you, and for the new friends you make over time....K

check my website: www.katebowditch.com

Hi. You are 13. Most people, especially girls, feel like that at your age. Life gets better, I promise. Boys are immature at that age and don't fully mature for a long time I believe. Ignore that idiot who called you fat. Boys call most girls ugly at that age, because they are ignorant and have no lives.

Like you said, music makes you feel better and has been proven to boost your self-esteem. Especially when it means something to you and is good. I recommend you listen to Pink as she is all about female empowerment. Focus on your music as this is your true talent and will boost your self esteem. Work hard at school as it pays off. It is good to write your feelings through poetry, even if they are negative. It is better than bottling it all up.

School only lasts so long and most people you will never see again, but if you do well and go to college or university you will meet nicer people there. And it is good you and your mum are close as you will have her forever.

Do not cut yourself, this will not the way to go. If you wanna let your feelings out, punch a pillow or something.

Like I said, life WILL get better. Do not worry.

i see ur icon and ur REALLY pretty. Smile, God Loves You. Talk to Jesus about your porblems, it helps me.

You can write letters to the people you hate but dont actually send them.

I'm truly sorry! This makes me feel terrible, because low self esteem can take over your life. I know how it feels, and it really is a bad feeling. But cutting, and self-harming is not an acceptable or healthy way to manage with depression or feelings of anger or sadness. And if you just started taking antidepressants, it could take up to a month to really kick in. It takes time for antidepressants to make an improvement in your mood. Do whatever makes you feel happy, and don't ignore your Mom when she asks you if you're okay. She can help you out, and make you feel more safe and comforted. Just know that cutting yourself won't cure your problems. Try talking to a psychiatrist as much as you need to, or a friend that you really trust, or a social worker at school, because it's not good to let your feelings bottled inside of you! I hope you feel happy soon! Remember you won't be like this forever! It will go away! You also need to develo pself confidence, as hard as it is. It may take a while to accept yourself for who you are, but you need to stop focusing so much on yourself, and love the person you are. Make a list of things you love about yourself. Focus on the positive! And by the ways, in your icon picture, you look so so gorgeous, and I'm being honest!

Tell your mother that you'd rather talk to your therapist alone, that's an important thing. I also don't think putting you on antidepressant drugs at this age is a good idea either, you should tell your doctor that you want to stop taking them, and they will tell you how to wean off.

The way you look doesn't make you inferior to anybody, it's who you are as a person, for example, you can be exceptionally good looking, but make people miserable, or you can be exceptionally ugly, but make people happy, so who should feel better about themselves? Ignore what people say about your looks, they're shallow and they're meaningless.

Feel better about yourself by helping others, taking care of yourself, which definitely means don't cut yourself, that would make things much worse, and you're at a stage where you can reverse this path you're on, you can stop the medication under the supervision of your doctor and speak about your problems with a therapist alone, and if you feel that one therapist isn't good for you, it's okay to see another.

It's tough, but you can't change people around you, not at home and not at school. Try to find nice friends to hang out with at school, they can't all be bad, then try to have fun and concentrate on things other than boys, there's plenty of time for that, and at 13, boys suck, all boys suck at 13. It's only when they get older, at least 16, that some of them start knowing how to treat a girl with respect, so I suggest you leave the pursuit of having a boyfriend alone for a couple of years and concentrate on resolving the way you're feeling about yourself and what's happening here.

Find something you are either really good at or really enjoy and pour your heart into it and who cares what people think. Especially yourself.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

I think that you need some more close human relationships, and you need to keep occupied and busy. There are numerous ways to achieve both of these things, and when you do, your life will probably be much better off, more satisfying and generally more enjoyable.

Judging by your low self-esteem I'm assuming you are a fairly quiet, and reserved person. I am not saying this out of spite, but if you are trying to get popular or become friends with the popular-crew, you will fail, and fail miserably. You have to accept that you wont be the popular girl who gets all the boys and has the 'dream' life. The more you fight this fact, the more stress and anxiety it will cause. When you stop caring about the pointless, your life improves dramatically. As for finding friends, I suggest that you try and talk to others who seem quiet, and perhaps you could strike up friendships that way. In my next paragraph on keeping busy, there will also be a few ideas on making friends there.

Keeping busy is vital as it provides a distraction to all the percieved negitivity and it is a productive use of time. I suggest that you try out various activities, such as music, drama, creative writing, design technology, art etc, and hopefully you will find something that you like and even love. And if not, dont despair, you can spend the time wisley by doing extra work, or going to the gym. You said you were overweight, so do something about it rather than cry if it's bothering you that much. You will feel like you are accomplishing something, and over time, you will. During these activities or gym sessions you may find others with similar goals, ambitions and this way you may make some friends.

Whatever you do, good luck!

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