Why did my depression "disappear" after a failed suicide attempt?!
Question: Why did my depression "disappear" after a failed suicide attempt?
During the beginning of those last four years, I was admitted to an ICU (due to ketoacidosis; I have diabetes).
After that, my mental health nose-dived (I still don't know why, and doctor's haven't been any help with answering that either) which was compounded by the fact that I fell in love with a friend of mine (which I didn't admit until 2 years later). During the last 2-3 years, I planned out my suicide.
Now to the main point:
Last year, I tried to commit suicide. I expected to be able to overdose with hundreds of units of insulin; all that happened was that I laid there in bed, waiting to lose consciousness, but my heart beat faster and faster and just felt awful. 7 hours later, and I'm still not dead, so I decided to eat and then try again the next night (since I didn't want to be found out).
The next night, I easily double the amount (I use up several months worth of insulin; all that I had) but to no avail. Same business as last time. I obviously panic because I failed twice in a row. To make a long story short, I decide to give life another shot (since I found no other appropriate and painless ways to kill myself with at the time). I tell my parents about my suicide attempts.
Fast forward to now. During the past year since I attempted suicide, I have not felt depressed. I no longer feel that dark gloominess in my mind, and that constant anguish tearing at me. I may not be happy all the time, but I feel...alright. I have not once thought about killing myself since then.
I don't even feel depressed anymore, although I still have my occasional anxiety/OCD/weirdness and extreme procrastination (mainly in regards to house work, or even picking up and moving a piece of paper).
What could be the reason for this? Did I somehow administer a mild form of insulin-shock therapy to myself? I don't understand why my depression could have just vanished after that (although I am thankful that it did). I have not been seeing any psychiatrists or psychologists, either, and I am not on any medication for mental illnesses.
Answers:
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
I tried to off myself this summer. I ended up in a coma for three days. Scared the **** out of my friends and family. It scared the **** out of me. When I woke up I realized that I wanted to live, and unless I learned how to do that I would die. Since then my depression has been wayyy milder. I think a failed attempt makes you realize that you don't want to die, you just want to stop feeling like ****. It also seems to make you realize that if the depression isnt controlled it will kill you. For me, in a twisted way it was the best thing that happened to me, a wake up call of sorts. Maybe something similar happened to you.
It disappeared because you didnt die. When you failed it made you realize that deep down inside you didnt want to die.
............life got its purpose of meaning back. (or the meaning of purpose) You noticed, there is more to life than only your pain.
Peace
This is a great resource for panic and anxiety related issues, and I hope it helps
http://bit.ly/dSHnjn
Wow - it sounds as if it could be a version of the insulin shock therapy-- well done!
Hope it lasts.
you should go to doctors immediately.
It probably wasn't your time to go yet...You never know.
i think from those few long hours of thinking that you're actually about to die after taking that stuff and there's nothing you can do to stop it made you realize you realy dont want to die and the feeling of being alive even if not always happy is much better than laying on your bed waiting to die.
i hope the depression doesnt come back. if it does email me because ive learned a lot of ways to get out and stay out forever.
josh6388@gmail.com
WOW! The Lord's got you in his hands big time dude. i agree with the fact that those long hours of waiting to die really changed you for the better! you have a new perspective of life, and a new appreciation for it. you were not meant to die. Jesus died so that you don't have to. john 3:16. ultimate love story man. God bless you! <3 :)
Do you feel better because you told your parents? They must have been so upset. Have they helped you and supported you a more?Maybe you feel less burdeoned with suicidal thoughts. Has anything changed in your personal life? Do you feel invincible since your suicide attempts?!
Its great that you dont feel suicidal anymore. I know it easy to say but if your ever deel like that again- talk to someone. You are a decent human being and dont deserve to live! Your obviously not seeing any professionals right now but dont be afraid to go back!
how the hell should i know if you don't? whisper* lack of emotional involvement? right right... perhaps you just don't see suicide as an option anymore so you decided to give yourself another chance at life and since you have gone through so much already you are more able to handle situations that you couldn't before.
I turned gay for a while after being sexually abused, same amount of years too. I also paniced an my house stil not clean. My boyfriend turned me completely straight an now im not constantly afraid thanks to lots of tru friends, depression left for A WHILE for me, too. Fair warning, it returns. Seek help from proffessional medical advisors an conselors while u hav the chance. Nothing in life comes easily, humans struggle for whole earths history. Im stil here though, now i even feel love too. Strugglings hard but it sooo worth it in the end. Hearts what youve got. Hearts what it takes. Safety has gotta become youre #1 priority, safety for u is never letting yourself get too lonely. This is my phone # an email 16187048513 jcjan16@yahoo.com and here safe hotline 12173426623