Attention Seeking or depression?!
Question: Attention Seeking or depression?
Basically, one of my friends had a traumatic event last year (death in the family) and obviously was shaken up and and really upset, but not depressed. He is naturally extrovert, so he has always been very outgoing and pretty loud, but he started becoming more withdrawn a few months later, saying he couldn't eat and hated being around people, things like that. I supported him, along with all our other friends, giving advice and being there on the other side of the phone. We aren't counsellors but we tried our best and he has a proper counsellor now.
The problem is that it has been about a year now and things seem to have changed. He started making comments about "people giving bad advice" and "I have no one to talk to" to my face. It's quite difficult to take seeing as I have been there for him every single time! It's as if he is the only one with problems and he never asks me about myself, even though sad things have happened to me too. He has told all the staff at work about his mental health and constantly says he "is on the edge". One of my friends has said that it seems like a competition of "who can be the most depressed or be the most emotionally unbalanced". He seems to be using his depression as a form of manipulation, or is he just desperate for attention? I can't think why, because he has so much it's bringing everyone down.
I just can't understand what is going on now, I feel guilty about it all, but at the same time I don't know if I am being used or being a good friend?
Thanks.
Answers:
First of all, why are you feeling guilty? Sounds like you have been a good friend. Have you told him how you feel, difficult as it is? We all have problems and he needs to know his behaviour is causing a rift in your relationship. I mean, the event happened a year ago- I don't know what happened but someone needs to tell him he is alienating his loved ones. Your are a friend, not a therapist.
I would tell him you would like a more reciprocal relationship as you also have problems. The world doesn't revolve around him.
Of course, this is your choice, but you are not here to take care of him. He has issues, but it is not fair
to take them out on you.
Perhaps, a heart to heart, some wine? Just tell him what YOUR needs are in this relationship!
Good Luck!
RN
Give him a Sylvia Plath book and a big bottle of sleeping pills next time he goes to bed and check on him in the morning.
He's seeking attention. But you have to play his game, because even though he's seeking attention, his pain is real. And when he says that he "doesn't have anyone to talk to", he probably means that he doesn't know how to talk about it to other people who are there for him (it's a selfish thing to say though).
Anyway, my advice is: both of you to go to a secluded place together (like by a river), with a few beers. The alcohol will loosen up any communicatory blocks your friend has, and you will both be able to talk to each other much more easily. He'll realize that he can talk to you about what "he doesn't have anyone to talk to" about, and you'll become his very close trusted friend and he'll be happier ^^
He sounds quite shut inside his own mind at the moment. So talking to him and letting him talk to you, bringing him out of his head and into reality, would be good ^^