Should i go see my brother's body, unembalmed?!


Question: Should i go see my brother's body, unembalmed?
he died Jan 20th i just found out last week. he's in california im in michigan. i havent seen him in 11 yrs but the grief is unbearable for me. he was only 34 my oldest brother. i am 24. he accidently overdosed on dilaudid and i found out he was HIV+ for 10 years. he had a hard life was beat and molested by his dad which haunted him into his 3 rd decade of life. i have already lost my mom dad and other brother to drug overdoses. but i feel so different this time. like i am breaking in half. i just heard from him on facebook he said he loved me missed me and had a lot going on. i didnt know he was this tormented. if i see him he will be covered with a sheet and blanket on a dressing table in the chapel. i could be haunted by going there for the rest of my life, and i could be haunted for the rest of my life by not going. no one else is going to see him. he has no one. his partner that let him o'd on his dilaudid isnt even seeing him. i feel so torn. my only other option is 2 have him cremated and sent to michigan b/c too much time has passed 4 him to b embalmed thanx 2 his partner not informing me for over 2 weeks. the funeral home said they would take pics of him and send them to me. his partner wont send me any pics of him. i dnt knw wat 2 do.

Answers:

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Just ask them to cremate him and send you his ashes, that you cannot get there and don't need to see him.

You should find out if he had any belongings or left a note and what happened to everything also. He may have left you a message somewhere, but maybe not also.
You can ask them if they will send a witnessed signed copy of what they know and what they have done as well, and if you need more information, then google the death and burial laws in that state.

Otherwise, I think you should focus on your own healing and intense pain. I know it can be that painful and even though it is, it WILL pass and feel better at some point. Some people feel a lot of pain for about a year, then it subsides, some longer., for some as much as four years.You should seek suportive people to be around.
There are hospice centers in every place and they often offer free grief counseling and can answer questions the best they can.
I think , since this is your last sibling and family, and there is such a history with drug overdoses, that you are feeling the horrible pain of all of this.
You CAN make it through this, AND find your family of choice and support.
There are support groups of all kinds, even for suvivors of people who have commited suicide, at dailystrength.org
You can go immediately and find a therapist at eftmastersworldwide.com that will work with you as soon as possible to help you reduce and resolve the horrible pain you feel, it really helps even the worst kind of pain. I have used this method and I know it works on all kinds of things, even old abuse.
Here is also a free self help version eftuniverse.com click on 'get started free'.
Don't let yourself withdraw, but join groups you like and find people who are worthy of trust, and start your own support and family. You don't have to die like they did, and you can have a happier life.
Your pain wont last forever. It will go away. You will feel better. There are people you can love and be loved by in this world.
Condolences,and blessings.
PS since you are next of kin, his partner that sounds abusive , is not in charge and has no say, you do. You can get an attorney to deal with all that, if you can afford it.
He has no right to keep information and his belongings from you , given the circumstances. You have rights .

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I would call the funeral home and ask about the condition of his body, and ask if your brother's body is in good enough condition to view. You could also ask how his body will be shown if you go to see him. Sometimes actually seeing the person helps to bring closure. Otherwise, I would have him cremated and have his ashes sent to you, and have the funeral home send you pictures. I really think you should talk to the funeral home before you make a decision.




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