help me please, im not coping well with death...?!


Question: Help me please, im not coping well with death...?
my daddy died jan 23 and everynight ive been having dreams of him and im afraid my mom is gonna die now too, and i have this really terrible phobia of death, not so much of my own ending, but losing the people in my life that i love the most. my father was everything to me, and im so angry at the way he died. he ODed on heroin and hydrocodone, on accident, yet he was the nicest, most catholic man ever. i miss him so much i wake up and fall asleep crying. i cant function right, its interfering with my daily life. and everytime i think of staring at him in his coffin, i start to panic. my mom has really lost her enthusiasm for life, she looks tired all the time, and i dont think she'll be around long without dad. they were married 44 years in december...

when i talk about my dad who died, he was really my godfather, but he and her raised me, because my mom was always too busy for me, and i see my real dad maybe once a year. im also very worried because my mom is sick, and my stepdad just had his fourth heart attack.

they say death comes in three's right? well, my favorite aunt in the world died last september, my dad a couple of weeks ago, so who's next? ): im terrified. i feel like bad news is coming my way.

and it hurts even more when i see all of his old friends or family that come up to me and tell me "he always said you were the daughter he never had, he LOVED you so much, brian and benji were jealous" those are his sons, but they are like older brothers to me. god, i miss dad so much, im crying so much i can barely see what im typing, and i have no one in my life to reach out to.

please someone help me.

Answers:

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Death is a perfectly natural part of life. It is not a terrible thing. It is quite beautiful and liberating. When we die, we return to our natural omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent state. Before we are born into this world, we choose to come here. It is a conscious decision to be born. We choose certain aspects of our lives, including our parents, certain events and circumstance, and even the method and time of our death. Before we come, we must swear an oath to pretend that time exists. Time is only an illusion that is associated with this temporary physical realm. Eternity is not a continuous line of time that extends forever. Eternity is the complete absence of time. It does not exist.
Before we are allowed to be born into this world, we must also agree to forget everything. We must be born with a clean slate and are not allowed to use the knowledge of our pre-birth condition while we play this game of limited human existence. It's all a game. Your dad played, died the way he chose, and went back to his true home. You are fortunate that he loves you so and you love him.

Think of this... Does your dad want you to be tormented and unhappy because he is gone? He would more likely want you to be happy and celebrate the life he shared with you while he was here. In truth, he is not dead. You will see him again. He is waiting for you and lives in you. It is a beautiful thing. Embrace it. Do not mourn.

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Death coming in 3's is just a myth, and I have had the same feeling after my Uncle Died. This to shall pass. Instead of dwelling on his death, do everything you can to preserve his memory, start a scrapbook, write him a "letter" and send it to heaven (There is a website called "Letters to heaven".)
Start a Blog, chat about him, share memories. etc. etc. Spend time with your Mom, do something fun together When people come up and talk to you, just simply say. Thank You, but I really don't want to talk about it now." If all of that doesn't work, please seek counseling. It may be just what you need.



Hey sorry for your dad's death & your aunts. Death does not come in threes. I don't believe that. I'm sure he loved you & everyone else. Don't be terrified because he's in a better place & so is your aunt. GOD knows why it happened but it's not for you to suffer. I lost my grandfather as well but I know GOD had a reason to take him & he left me memories that will never be forgotten. Remember GOD has something wonderful in your life & the same thing for your mom just reach out to Him & trust me it works. (: GOD is good all the time. Just be by your loved ones side & make sure they know you love them & guess what it makes them feel good. Whenever I tell my mom I love you she smiles. "The LORD is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalms 27:1 GOD gives the strength to keep moving forward without fears. :] Don't worry everything will be fine. "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe." Proverbs 29:25 The only way to conquer that phobia is death. Pray, pray, pray & reject the fearful thoughts of the devil. Think of the LORD who saves you from trouble. It'll come one day & watch it'll be such a blessing to see your loved ones like your mom & step dad by your side everyday. Trust me. Listen to How Great Is Our God by Chris Tomlin & listen to Healer by Kari Jobe. Great songs. God Bless You. Everything will turn out fine GOD is always by your side & protecting you.



death is a very hard thing. i am really sorry for your loss. i have lost loved ones too and its really hard. but remember that in time it does get better, even though the pain never really goes away. it gets easier to cope.

i find that having a safe box helps. you can put memories in it of all the good things in your life and when you are sad open the box and look at the things inside

one thing i find helpful when i am upset about something or triggered is the fact that i have a box which i put all of my most prized posessions in. and if the object or idea is too big for the box i just write about it on a note card and put the card in the box. i open the box when ever i am upset and it really calms me down.

things i have in the box include:
a picture of my dogs
birthday cards
letters from ex's (reminds me that i can be loved by someone)
tickets from shows and games
acceptance letters
varsity letter and pins
certificates
and other special mementos.

http://selfhelp.yuku.com is a support site that has a forum on death and other topics. the people on the site are all really supportive and the owner does a great job of running the site. i think it could really help you. on the site there is a huge list of distractions that you can use. i am here for you i want to help.

remember that your dad and aunt would want you to enjoy life and not mourn their deaths. think about all the fun memories but not about the pain of losing them.



You're not going to like my answer but here goes nothing: A really good friend of mine overdosed and died last year. I was all distraught like you are now, for months. Until one day I realized that he was a junkie and dieing is what junkies do. Until you realize this you too will wonder why this happened to this person whom you care for. Break the cycle, and remain drug free is my advice.

As for the one with four heart attacks, that person needs to go see a movie I saw pre-screened last night. It is called Forks over Knives and it is about how people can and have changed their diet after multiple failed bypass surgeries and lived. It will be out in May.

Edit: also there are many places that provide counseling free of charge just use your computer and search for them.

Incredible minds



Although I believe in God, I also believe that once a person dies, that person is dead. Dead. I also believe that our dead loved ones want us all to continue living - to grieve - but to go on with life. Because we will all be dead one day.
Your dad would not want you to grieve endlessly. He wants you to live, and to remember that none of us live forever.
There is something better for all of us, as long as we live good lives, even when we sin, or what is called 'sin.'
When you think of him, remember him as a person. Alive, vibrant, talking to you, hugging you, all of the things you used to do together. Replace your grief with happy memories. Hold onto them.
We all live.
But we also die.
When we die, we remain dead.
Until we all wake again in God's time.



I am sorry about what happened. I really am sorry, but think about it this way, when they die they go to a better place and they might be watching over you right now. It's normal to be sad. Maybe you should see a school councilor. And go to your mom, hug her, and tell her you love her. She is the adult and should be strong for you. And if you want to talk about it you can email me. I'll listen. Hope I helped.



i know how you feel i lost my grand mother 10 years ago and she raised me for most of my life i still miss her really bad but i know where she is and she is fine there i have lost many family members over the years more that i can count not telling you to do what i did but it worked for me i was not christian early on in life but my wife has changed that and it has helped me through my losses over the last 35 years i can not describe how it helped i just know it did and i will not pretend to know how badly you feel all i can tell you is it will get less painful you will never forget the loved one or stop missing them but it does get easier to deal with



I answered your question in the other category and see you must have read my response because you added that you cant afford professional help. You dont have to be able to afford professional help. First of all I dont know how old you are. If your still in school talk to a school counselor they are professionals. If they feel you need help they cant provide they will help you get it. If youre an adult and have insurance check out your insurance options most insurances have decent mental health care plans. If you do not have insurance contact your local department of human services if you live in the united states there are so many free or reduced costs grief and mental help support groups




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