mental illness symptoms?!

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It is possible that you are depressed. You have the typical signs... not enjoying things you used to do as much, feeling numb and empty, isolating and mood swings. It concerns me a little that you have thought of suicide and I hope you feel like you have support for that. Don't keep those feelings to yourself. If worst comes to it and you really feel that way remember you can take yourself to A&E and tell them how you feel. It could be that the grief is still there. People react to things in very different ways and depression is not uncommon. It may be experienced for just a short time and go away again and for others its a long term thing and an event that caused it may not be known. The best advice i can give you to talk to your GP. I know that can be difficult but give it a go. They will probably ask you to fill out a little questionnaire called the Beck inventory. Its a scale that judges if they believe you would benefit from some medication, or that may not even be necessary. They could at least show you in the direction of some counselling. Counselling sounds like it could be very beneficial for you if you have some things to talk about. If medication is thought to be the answer dont be scared of it! theres so many misinterpretations about medication. Anti-depressants are not addictive. And 9/10 side effects from them arent shown at all. But if they do suggest them, it will probably be a small dose of an SSRI anti depressant. Look it up yourself, do some research and see what you think. I've seen them really work for people.
I hope this period of your life gets better soon. Always know there is support out there for you!

yes, because it's been over a year, you grieve then you move on you don't try to make grief a daily part of your life which is what happened, you condition may not be related to your relatives passing so if you don't snap out of this then you need professional help ASAP

I think you may be depressed :(. depression is common when grieving for a relative. just go to your doctor or a psychological clinic for them to check you out,

If you're suffering from grief and feelings that you want to hurt other people and or commit suicide, I feel that you should reach out to mental health professionals and ask for help. If, you act on these feelings , it could ruin your life forever. Please, seek help for this. You do not need to suffer in silence.If you do seek help and it works for you , you could help others in this situation as a peer counsler , perhaps. there is hope for you. Do not walk, RUN for help. If, you have faith in God ask him to heal your pain. There is assistance for your recovery. Please, use it! PLEASE do not self medicate with any other substance. If someone advises you to take this or that medication Do not do it! Please only take medications prescribed by a TRUSTED doctor.

I wouldnt worry, I had this for a couple of years after 5 relatives of mine died in the same year, I started to consider suicide and all sorts of things, also I use to have very bad sleep problems, I used to have panic attacks and lots of anxietys. I was scared that my friends/family would just pack up one day and leave me but after a while you start to forget about it (To an extent) it took me a good couple of years but I managed it. Talk to you family alot, tell them your feelings, go out with friends alot, try and forget

...me?