Depression once again, please help!?!

okay, i'm 13, and i've been depressed since july 2009. It was over a huge guilt trip that i had been going through for years, i paniced and eventually told my mum. Then i felt guilty about everything i could think of that was bad, that i had done. My worries and aniety's got worse, and so my mum took me to the doctors knowing i had depression, and he got me a councellor. But it would take 6 months for me to be able to go to the councellor. In the end i turned her down because i felt better, but it got worse, and my worries got more complex, like am i being possessed, thats the only big one i can recall. But i had another one, which was i worried if this world and everythin i see real? or just an illusion or simulation, it went away, but now it's came back. When i worry about this, i feel like i'm physically in a bubble, i go light headed and everything just goes weird, as if it's fake and not really there. It's scary, because it's hard to escape the worry. I also worry when i look in the mirror sometimes, i can't get my head around that it's me, that body that's being controlled, even me that's thinking? is it actually me that's thinking, it's hard to understand without knowing what i'm going through. But i feel like just being me, and my conciounce, the way i think... it's all messed up and i just want to escape all of this, and be normal like everyone else, stop fearing the world isn't real, stop being this twisted depressed mind, i can't help but feel depressed about everything, and i can't stop my worries or pluck up the courage to tell my mum. I feel helpless, alone, when i think of my childhood, like in primary school, i fee so depressed because i was normal and happy then, now im messed up, i have these worries that trouble my reality and everyday life. i cant lead a normal life like this. i feel so messed up... this description is from my same seek for help a few days ago on here. My add on is that i feel so messed up, confused, alone, lost, helpless, in dispare, you name it... that even when my mum practically knew something is up this afternoon, and when she was questioning me whilst hugging me to tell her what was up, saying she needed to trust me when i said i was fine, i knew it was the perfect time to tell her, but something was holding me back, it was like this wall, standing there, so i couldnt tell her, like i'm not in control of my mind to tell her anymore... i really don't know what to do, i can't tell her, it's just like a wall standing in the way of me telling her. What do i do, i'm so confused, terrified, like i can't explain how i am anymore, and detatched from reality (slightly literally) in my mind, and i can't tell my mum at the perfect opportunatey, i just feel like i'm on an deserted island and everybody else is on the happy boat having a good time. I keep asking the same question but i just need as much advice as possible, please give me advice, ive also begun aexperiencing panic attacks at night, for the last 2-3 nights, i have got to almost asleep and woken up, sweating and panicing, everything seems fake in the dim light and it makes it more scary when i feel half asleep and weak. I just looked on facebook, went ack to when i first got facebook, which was around 2 years ago, and in the first few months of having depression, my status's were cheasey and innocent, i wasn't as messed up and crazy as i am now at all. I feel like i've changed and become ALL depression. I feel sad about completely changing. I've just had a good 3-4 days without seriously worrying too much, but i've just become depressed again, i've just begun worrying again, like i thought, i'm still depressed and it's not gone, i can't escape. I think, the world is pointless, life is just a bunch of senses, emotions ect. The technology is too complex and crazy to be real, the world can't be real. Also, the teacher kept me behind to have a word with me today, and when she was talking to me, i started panicing, thinking, it can't be my conciounce she is talking to, it can't be me that she wants to talk to. Also one more thing, i'm going to a theme park in 2 weeks, i want to go on the big roller coasters, but i don't want my light headed type affect to get in the way on the ride. please help me, or give me some advice about all of this?? Thankyou