I want to die, commit suicide?!
Question: I want to die, commit suicide?
I have very high dignity, I don't want the people to see my real weak side. I don't want them to look down on me. I think suicide will solve the problem, cause nothing will be left, and nothing I need to care,(including my dignity and my hatred)
There is a reason why I am like that.
I come from hong kong.
In hong kong, I am very smart and handsome.(I don't really care about that, it's just the people telling me) I good at math and science and there was a few girl asked me if she can be my girl friend., but I didn't respond.
the above statement, I didn't mean to be arrogant or anything, so if you think I am idiot or trying to be smart or act like I am cool or whatever handsome person. No, sorry I am not that type of person.(I hate people who act cool)
It's just something that you should know when you hear my story.
I just want you know about myself.
so I came to Canada about 5 years. When I came to Canada, my English is really bad. I couldn't understand a single word. So in junior high, I alway alone. I go to ESL class everyday. I don't have any friend. I always check the time when will the school end, and I will go home and play game. This is the only way to forget my plain. Until one day, my teacher said I have a lisp, which mean I couldn't pronounce some of word. I felt that I won't able speak English properly . Unless I practice a lot. . After that date I changed a lot, my hair is alway very long, and I wear the same clothes everyday, because I don't want someone notice me and I hate myself. As time gone by, I went to high school, I m still lonly. no friend, because I don't talk much. But yes at least I m able to communicate with other, with 1 on1. The first day of high school , I was in a ESL class. Then a girl asked me that if I would like to meet her friends. She said her friend want to know me. And they were waiting outside. The class already end, so I have to face them. Then a girl seem to interesting me, asked me to hang out. I refused. The reason I refused, because those fashion girl usually mostly judge me by look, (even if I hang out with her, she wil eventually find out I am a failure and leave me)and I thought long hair would make them think I a retarded person.but I realize that it didn't work..but still i kept my long hair.
One day, there was a presentation in the class, and everyone have to read their essay in front of the class. I did my essay, and let the teacher mark it and practiced with my Esl teacher. My ESL teacher said good. At that date, I felt confident and was thinking to do my best. But then after the presentation I realized that I did very bad. I really couldn't pronounce some of the word. after that, many people tease at me. I felt pain.like million dart strike through my heart. after, I skipped the class whenever there is a presentation. I don't talk to others,
The people started to think a weird person, or whatever.(even the teacher.) There was even a girl asked me if I am gay.
The girl that seems to interesting started to ignore me(she alway say hi to me,although I ignored her), and I knew that she realized that I am retard or failure person. I knew that would happen.
In grade 12, nothing changed,
continue
Answers:
First of, please don't feel guilty. Secondly, don't listen to idiots who criticise you. Thirdly, you're clearly a good person, you have a great work ethic. You're english isn't bad. You're being way to self-critical. Don't feel so bad about what other people may or may not think, people can think what they like about you. Open up next time a girl asks you out, you deserve a nice relationship, start treating yourself better. Perhaps see the university counsellor and tell them about these feelings, I'm sure they can find a way to relieve the pressure of work in order to give you some time to sort through your feelings.
Don't feel bad for your mistakes, we all mess up. Just learn from the past. You're a good person and you deserve to be happy, truly bad people don't feel so guilty.
Suicide will not be a shameless end, it will leave so much pain to those who know you. When you're suicidal you feel that no one cares about you, but in reality they do. Your family cares about you, even if they're putting a lot of pressure on you. If you kill yourself you will leave them with so much guilt.
You're not a bad person for feeling this way, just please give yourself a bit of time to sort yourself out. See a counsellor at the university and ask for some time to sort out your emotions. You deserve to be happy.
If you'd like I could talk with you further if you'd like to tell me more of your problems, just send me a message on this site. You don't need to feel guilty about expressing your pain. Alternatively call a helpline, I'm not a professional, but I have felt the same way at times. There is always something in life you can find to keep on living, it can just be hard at times.
Just be nicer to yourself, you are a good person.
Sucide is selfish, but you arn't being selfish for feeling this way. I know how hard pain is to deal with, It eats away at your soul and makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. But you arn't a bad person. Don't throw your life away for this. You're clearly smart and talented, don't waste your life. There is always something about life to find worth living. You can't get over this pain immediately but by opening yourself up more you can ease it and eventually find something worth living.
Listening to music, excercising, reading, playing videogames, going out, making new friends.just do anything to break the cycle of your life. It will help. You can't immediately get over such pain. But you can work through it. You just have to make the effort.
In my life, I'm only 17. Many people I know have died young, some from drug overdoses. My dad ended up being a pedophile and he threatened to kill me. People I'd known since primary school burnt to death, in a forest fire. Pain is a horrid thing to live with everyday, but you can get through it, I've contemplated suicide to escape. But I find so much about life suprises me still that there's no need to try and escape it. Life can be as beautiful as it is horrible.
I hope you don't feel offended by me mentioning my situation, I only want you to understand I'm not saying simple cliches, I want you to know that through pain you can gain perspective. Life is too precious a gift to turn your back on.
Please listen to the people on this who're telling you to think about this, suicide is not actually the easy way out. You're a smart person, so don't waste it like this.
The university will be able to give you time off for this, speaking to a counsellor will definetly help you sort through these issues. You don't have to face inner pain alone. I've heard it is really strong people who can feel the worst pain because you keep going and going and find it hard to ask for help, just because you feel this way doesn't make you weak or shameful.
I know you want help because you've posted on this site, there are counsellors who can help you deal with the issues that have lead to this.
Please just give yourself some more time.
I understand how bad the pain feels, self hate is a very hard to live with, but you can get through it.
You just need to give yourself time.
please reconsider what I've said. I know it feels hard now. If you'd like to speak to me further, please email ryan_wmd@hotmail.com or hc4778@rocketmail.com
go to church. except Christ. It will make life so much better.
life is precious
1. Speak with your University counselor.
2. Tell someone back home how you feel, someone you know who loves you dearly like your mother or father - and don't be frightened or ashamed to tell them how you are feeling. Coming to America, studying, no friends or family, speaking another language.. No wonder you feel horrible or alone. It's very hard what you are going through. But even though it doesn't feel like it now, some day it will all be worth it.
3. Call 911 or go tell someone right now if you actually plan on killing yourself.
4. Look for a group (support or something fun) that you can join that has other foreign students.
5. http://www.suicidehotlines.com/canada.ht… will help you more with how you are feeling, and with dealing with feeling suicidal. Call them, and maybe they can help you find a support group or a counselor for free who is close to where you live.
6. Remember this, Death is always the cowards way out. You are BETTER than suicide, and you are not alone in how you feel in this world. Maybe someone needs YOU so they can feel not so alone. Start talking to friends and students more, and start going out and having at least some fun.
Don't do it, its not the answer. One thing I noticed you have very high standards for yourself. Everyone wants to do well ino life and support their family. You need to take a step back and think about yourself. School will end someday and those people won't matter to you. You will get yourself a good job while half of the people at your school will probably turn into pot heads. You will meet someone when its your time to meet someone to love you for you. I know people who has a lisp and that doesn't mean anything at least you are still able to talk. School is hard especially when your from a different country but those people are ignorant. Go to school get your head back into gear and ask for help at school with your work. That teacher that teased you report them. Counsellors will not tease you they are there to help. Go see them and take it from there. One day at a time thats what i did. Imagine how your family would feel got get news that you had taken your life. Someone close to me not that long ago took their life and I'm still grieving, its the people you leave behing that live a lifetime of hell. School is hard it really is but if you can look beyond school and remember why you went there at the start to do well for your life and make your family proud. If your finding your course hard maybe your doing the wrong course maybe there is something else you would like to do. Don't let your family pressure you. I used to hear the same from my family about other people doing well while I was left very young as a single parent I felt like ending it too, no life, no friends, no money just me and my daughter. I pulled through it and you can too. Just make yourself happy again those people won't matter when you leave university. Talk to someone they won't laugh they are there to help. You must be a very smart guy to get into university I would never have gotten there. You are smart, loveable guy there is not many people out there that would want to provide for their family ( good on you ) that shows your a kind person. Don't do anything stupid try to look beyond university and someday you will be laughing at them. I'm am really sorry that you have to go through this pain alone all because of ignorant people. I hope you don't do anything stupid. Keep your head up and be proud. Take care & God Bless xx
Read: Learning to Love Yourself Workbook by Gay Hendricks, & Loving Yourself: Four Steps to a Happier You by Daphne Rose Kingma, & Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, from your bookstore, or amazon.com
View the post about self esteem at http://your-mental-health.8m.com/blank_2… and some tips about presentations are on page E. You seem to be depressed; view pages 3, & B; print the completed quiz and take to a doctor for tests, and ask for a medical certificate/note. Take it to your course adviser, and/or college counselor, then consider your options.
I suggest that, even though you may not feel inclined, join some mutual interest groups, clubs, sports, gym, study groups, etc. "Feeling Good - the new mood therapy" by David D. Burns, M.D., from your bookstore, or Amazon.com. explains the benefits, and how to rate it before, and afterwards.
LISPING: See http://members.tripod.com/Caroline_ (Caroline_Bowen/lisping.htm)
Dear, I think your actions are the result of the frustration you incur in life. Yet dying is not the answer. And you are correct committing suicide is the most coward thing to do. When we are frustrated we are tend to think less appropriate though. But you should not let frustration consume your individuality. Base on your letter, it’s not doing you any good and you’re committing bad actions. You have to fight that depression by facing reality. First step, talk to your parents, and let them know of what you feel. You can easily fight depression if you have your family around you as your support system. Talk to them and I am sure they will be there for you to lend a hand and be your strength. Second is you have to change the way you think and have the absolute control over your feelings to change negative emotions into positive ones. It’s always good to feel positive everyday of your life; this will bring out the best in you. Always believe that you are a good person because I believe that you are. You are one of the promising youth in the world dear so don’t waste your future.
try to read this and when you read, read it with your mind open http://attractingabundancehq.com/how-to-…
If you wanted to committ suicide, u would have already done it. death's nit a joke, stop treating it like one. ure parents guide you, not tell you what to do. go talk to them to find another alternative that fits both ur expectations.
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IF YOU TRY.
Life is beautiful buddy dont end your life imagine the harm your ganna cause to your family and the ones around you you are smarted than that and the girls they should accept you for whom you are and not your looks think about your family like you said they're poor and they are depending on you keep fighting thru life never give up fight thru obsticles give your family a gift of life taking them forward it doesnt matter how hard life is you always fight thru it and like i said life is beautiful no matter how hard it is friend take care
that was to long to read but killing yourself is nvr the answer NVR just bcuz things get hard doesn't mean u should take the easy way out n on the other side its not gonna be any easier cuz u don't go to a happy place n not only do u kill ur self u kill everyone who ever loved u if school is not doing u good get out n if ppl get mad well who cares its what makes u happy nvr take life for granted and just think how badly ppl wish they have what u have n know what u know and to be as smart as u are cuz ppl would give up so much just to be what u are and hear u are wanting to toss it away like nothing THINK its gonna be ok see a doctor get help there is help u just gotta find it tell ur self "happiness is a day ahead so i must live to see it" just to get thought the day =)
You are really doing a good job with all the pressure you are under. But who is putting on that pressure? yes, your parents want you to have a way to go to college and get a good career. You are already doing that by getting high grades. But, YOU apply a lot of stress and pressure on yourself. You are too hard on yourself and you should try to see the good sides of yourself. People do not hate you. Even if they can't always understand how you talk, it does not mean they don't want to. Many of us get annoyed when we can not understand a different language. It would be easier on everyone if we all spoke one simple language. But that is what makes us unique. You are special because you know two languages. Keep practicing speaking English by reading to yourself or listening to dvd or a video of a lecture for school. That way you can hear the words as they are pronounced or said. This will really help - just listen to people talk on TV and copy them. You will get better and better.
Now, as far as the girls. You have to figure out why you don't want them around you. You sound afraid of what they will think of you once they knew you, the real you, is this right? You have stopped any relationship before it gets a chance. You made a decision for her that she should have been able to make if you would just GIVE HER A CHANCE! Don't judge what she will think of you, concentrate on how you can make her like you MORE than she already does. She is interested in you so show her she has many reasons to like you. Be open to the idea that you are not only handsome, but you have good and kind things to give others. You have girls liking you because they see more in you than you see in you. They want a chance to find out who you are behind your serious face, maybe one of these girls will make you laugh!
You are important to your mom which is why she wants you to be better than anyone else's son! She knows you are able to get anything you want so she is just pushing you to do things that will help you.
As far as lab goes, you get nervous and end up making a mess sometimes but that does not make people hate you and you are not a burden. Maybe your lab partner could be more helpful to you by writing things down? You just need to ask for help. People are nicer than you think. Look at it from their side too - If you never try to talk to other people they can think YOU don't like THEM so it goes both ways. If you are open to friendships and just try to talk to others or just listen to someone talk to you, you will get to feeling more comfortable. If people try to be mean by saying things to you, please don't think that is how everyone is. Just keep being nice and you will meet nice people. But you have to try to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF because you and you can't be so negative about who you are. It is not important HOW someone talks - It is more important WHAT they are talking about! The teacher and the classmates are mean, cruel and should not make fun of you. It mattters what you say not how you say it! Just keep practicing and remember, you can speak your own language so tell them to say something in your language and LAUGH AT THEM!
Take care of yourself and make your dreams come true. You deserve it and you can do it.