(Scarily long) I want to be alone, but how can that be alright if it will hurt s!
Question: (Scarily long) I want to be alone, but how can that be alright if it will hurt someone else's feelings?
I have a problem with food. I used to starve and purge. Now, I’m EDNOS (so I eat and also starve). Currently, I’m eating. I pretty much eat vegetables, but I eat a lot of them (which is bad). I’m a freshman in college, and last semester, I was simply never hungry, so I dropped a lot of weight. This semester, I feel like I’m hungry all the time.
This guy asked me out close to the end of last semester. I feel incredibly guilty and wicked for this, but over vacation and so far this semester, he’s been really in my face, I guess that’s the way to say it. He always calls, always wants to hang out, assumed I was his girlfriend (I’ve told him multiple times that I’m not, but I asked to speak to him and we talked about it, so now he fully knows I’m not his girlfriend), and he can be kind of pushy. He only has one friend (as he’s told me), so I feel like Jesus would want me to be a friend to him.
In high school, I was considered to be friends with everyone. However, some stuff happened (not related to school or to my friends there), and now, while I'm still really friendly, I don't want to have any friendships (as soon as people invite me out or want to move beyond speaking in class, I back away). He deserves to be in a friendship with someone who wants the same thing. I feel incredibly horrid and wicked for this, but he makes me feel uncomfortable and pressured (like pressured into friendship and very (secretly) tense). Nonetheless, under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t have anything against being a friend to him, because it’s only right to be a friend to everyone.
It's my fault, but I think a big reason I eat more this semester is because I feel out of control in regards to him. I feel like I can't do what I want to do (which is to be alone), lest it hurt him.
It sounds simple, but to me it's not. I still can't figure out if I have a right to my feelings and reactions. I feel like I’m not allowed to have feelings (as can be seen from this post, I have them though; in my actual life, however, I hide them).
Others should come first at all times, so I'm supposed to be friends with this guy despite the fact that I don't want to be around anyone at all and despite the fact that it causes me to feel upset and stressed, right? I'm so evil, but, like I said, I just want to be alone (I love my family and take care of my parents and I do volunteer work, so I don't mean this in regards to my family or to volunteering).
If I told my mom, she’d say it’s fine to not be friends with him, but the people who care about him want him to be happy so they’d say, “Oh, well, she’s mean for not wanting to be your girlfriend” (or for not continuing a friendship), so I feel like it’s not as easy as saying that my feelings matter, because how can they? Everyone else needs to come first, and there’s two-sides to everything, and all that matters is how happy I can make others.
What’s the right thing to do?
Thank you very much.
Answers:
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
You dont have to be anyones friend if you dont want to or they are pressurising you into it because thats not friendship its emotional blackmail this person will make other friends apart from just you
I think you should maby make an appointment with your doctor or councillor if your school has one or just tell someone you trust how youve been feeling you dont have to feel guilty for living your life the way you want to
it is really good that you are a friendly person and considerate towards others and put their feelings first but your feelings matter to and you have the right to live your life the way you want to and put what you want first for a change even if your decision doesnt please everyone
"Right" has nothing to do with it when it comes to relationships. Do what's best for you. Better to tell him now than keep him hanging.
The right thing to do would be for your to get professional help. You have some serious issues there which have nothing to do with this guy.
Make up a long distance boyfriend, tell him the truth, or break it to him hard that you're not interested and he needs to get lost. He will get over it.
Also, as everyone else said, you probably should look into getting therapy... but honestly, it sounds like he should too. He should respect the fact that you don't want to be his friend. I've had someone like that in my life too. He made up a whole relationship in his head and told ALL of my friends that we were dating even though the closest thing to a relationship we had was him asking me out, and me rejecting him. It ruined a year of my life.
Take it from me. Tell him to get lost.
Most if not all colleges offer private counseling if not for free then very cheap. The anonymity of the Internet is nice, but you have several issues you should seek professional help about. I've gone to counseling, and it's a very safe place to go. Make an appointment tomorrow!