Negative feelings controlling my life :/?!


Question: Negative feelings controlling my life :/?
Sorry if this is in the wrong place.
I feel bad about every little thing and its eating away at me. I have recurring episodes of major depression so the two are probably linked. This has been going on since I was about 12 (I'm 16 now) and I've had these excessive negative feelings all my life.
I always thought it was normal and other people just dealt with it better. But now I realise that it's really not - I feel guilty about things I haven't done, I'm terrified to break any law or not try my hardest...take yesterday, I was at team training, and for the first half I didn't perform too well, but in the second half I performed brilliantly. I know that overall I did well, but the guilt at not doing my best has been pestering me all day, and I've been worrying about what the others might have thought about me.
It kills me because these feelings make me feel terrified of my teachers at school: what they think of me, if they will tell me off, etc. I'm pretty much scared of everything, so I put on this steely masculine facade that makes me appear really unfriendly (my friends joke about this and I know its true - but seriously they are good friends). But nobody knows that underneath I'm terrified of every corner and what might come the next day. This has led to me hating school.
My worries have led to me having trouble sleeping as I will lay there for ages just feeling pure shame and guilt. I have contemplated leaving sixth form as I have one dream in life, which going to further education is not helping me achieve. I feel that by leaving school I would be able to achieve my dream quicker (I have a plan and know what I would do, and I have the contacts so it WOULD work) but I know if I left I would feel eternally rubbish that my parents would be disappointed in me.
I really want to talk to someone about this but I don't feel comfortable talking to my mum, my friends don't understand how much it affects me because I am so good at putting on a 'hard' face and I don't want to trouble my dad further as he is having problems himself. I am not close to any other family and have backed out of talking to a teacher before as I was so scared.
Please help me, I'm sat here wondering how I will get through the week even though it is only school and not death row!! Thank you if you answer and sorry for the length of my post. xx

Answers:

Hi there,

It sounds like there are a lot of issues at play going through your mind and causing you to have an anxiety disorder of some kind, as well as your self admitted bouts of depression. But what is most important is how self aware you are. You know what is going on and you are able to identify it! That is the very first step, along with asking for help, towards getting better.
You are right, everyone has their demons, but you should not have to live your life struggling with as much guilt and anxiety as you seem to be now.

My first suggestion would be to get a therapist. Many people have bad feelings about therapists, as though only people who are truely crazy go to them for help, but thats simply not true! Think of it more as someone who is paid to sit as a captive audience as you talk about anything and everything, and to try to understand and help you through all your problems. Who wouldn't want that?

It is also important to know that so many people go through what you are going through. I havn't struggled with the exact things you have, but many of the issues you raise here are similar to problems I had when I was younger. It was miserable and I was plagued with anxiety almost 100% of the time. However, I was able to get through it, and speaking from the other side, I promise you it can get better and you can get through life loving it!

If you don't feel like you want to, or are unable to, go to a therapist to talk about everything you are feeling... feel free to email me, if you feel comfortable. I can't promise that I would be as effective, but I always had interest in counseling throughout high school, and as such have always been the type who likes to listen and be there for people if I can. I promise that I am being sincere in my offer, so if you want to rant or ask for more advice or just try to work through everything with someone who has been through similar issues, feel free to email me at ade0123@yahoo.com any time.

I hope that you either talk to someone or email me soon!
You seem very smart, very aware and very motivated. I am sure no matter what option you choose, you will be able to work through these constricting and awful feelings to a happier point of view. (And even achieve that dream you allude to!)

Good luck.



you could try making an appointment with your doctor, he or she could then forward you to some counselling which will help alleviate the symptoms you feel, there is some sort of anxiety going on and so whilst your there, maybe your doctor could put you on an anxiety management course. what these will do is help you understand your emotions and feelings and provide a way for you to manage them more efficiently
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Sounds like Social anxiety disorder:

Social anxiety disorder (SAD, SAnD) (DSM-IV 300.23) is an anxiety disorder characterized by intense fear in social situations[1] causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life. It is a rather extreme form of social phobia (SP), although the latter is sometimes treated synonymously.[1] The diagnosis of social anxiety disorder can be of a specific disorder (when only some particular situations are feared) or a generalized disorder. Generalized social anxiety disorder typically involves a persistent, intense, chronic fear of being judged by others and of being embarrassed or humiliated by one's own actions. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny from others. While the fear of social interaction may be recognized by the person as excessive or unreasonable, overcoming it can be quite difficult. Physical symptoms often accompanying social anxiety disorder include excessive blushing, sweating (hyperhidrosis), trembling, palpitations, nausea, and stammering often accompanied with rapid speech. Panic attacks may also occur under intense fear and discomfort. An early diagnosis may help minimize the symptoms and the development of additional problems, such as depression. Some sufferers may use alcohol or other drugs to reduce fears and inhibitions at social events. It is common for sufferers of social phobia to self-medicate in this fashion, especially if they are undiagnosed, untreated, or both; this can lead to alcoholism, eating disorders or other kinds of substance abuse.
A person with the disorder may be treated with psychotherapy, medication, or both. Research has shown cognitive behavior therapy, whether individually or in a group, to be effective in treating social phobia. The cognitive and behavioral components seek to change thought patterns and physical reactions to anxiety-inducing situations. Attention given to social anxiety disorder has significantly increased in the United States since 1999 with the approval and marketing of drugs for its treatment. Prescribed medications include several classes of antidepressants: selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Zoloft, Prozac, and Paxil; serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs); and monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs). Other commonly used medications include beta-blockers and benzodiazepines, as well as newer antidepressants, such as mirtazapine. An herb called kava has also attracted attention as a possible treatment,[2] although safety concerns exist,[3][4] especially given the unregulated nature of herbs in the United States

You should ask your doctor about it. I have a neighbor who never leaves her house as a result of this mixed with depression and bi-polar. If you start taking a couple meds to fix both problems just keep an eye on it and make sure they are fixing the problem. Sometimes mixed drugs/disorders can make for weird side effects. So keep an eye on it, try different drugs if you need to and get second opinions. I have ADD and have tried several meds before I found one that worked for me where I could still feel like myself, while also correcting my problem at the same time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxi…



First thing. You are 16 yr old. You are not alone in your feelings. Millions of teenagers your age are feeling exactly the same feeling you're experiencing. Chillax! Start listening to some John lee Hooker, Howlin' Wolf, Muddy Waters and other blues greats. What they are singing about is just what you are feeling.



Please don't be so stressed through school, it will soon pass. For the time being, do you have a school counsellor that you can speak with?

I would suggest to speak with him or her to make you feel comfortable, it will be anonymous and your family and teachers won't know.




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