i suffer from manic depression and i can't hold on to my money for nothing.!

I know how hard it is to feel out of control of your own behaviors. I also suffer from a form of Bipolar Disorder. It's a hard thing to deal with. I wish for a break all the time. Unfortunately you are right; the hospital is not the answer. The hospital can provide a safe place when you are experiencing acute symptoms that put you or others in danger, but it is not meant to provide a "break from life". Dealing with the ups and downs can make us want to run away, and sometimes the hospital seems like the perfect solution, but when the things that you are trying to escape are rooted in your own mind, no place on earth will give you the break you desire. Leaving life behind for a stay in the hospital can actually make your problems bigger as they keep growing despite the fact that you aren't there. Outside life goes on without you.

If you feel like you are in immediate need of medical attention to prevent you from killing yourself, then by all means call 911 or get yourself to the nearest emergency room. I speak from experience when I say that people will afford you with much more respect, and treatment will be much easier if you get yourself to the hospital BEFORE you hurt yourself. Otherwise, try doing other things to make your life worth living right now, to give yourself a mental break, and to distract you from the things in your life that are disturbing you. Work out as hard as you can handle; this tactic often helps me when I am manic because it physically wears me out. Do some repetitive task that you find mind-numbingly boring. Read a book, play with a pet, listen to music really loud and sing along...

Have you previously worked out a plan with your therapist and psychiatrist for what you might do if you are feeling overwhelmed and need and escape? Sometimes when the hospital is not the solution but you also feel like you can't handle all of your responsibilities, friends and family can be of help. Ask people close to you to take over some things in your life for a while. Go to dinner at somebody else's house so you don't have to cook, see if somebody will loan you enough to pay for groceries or bills or whatever it is that you need this month (make sure you offer to pay them back and tell them how soon you expect you will be able to repay them). Family and friends can sometimes be an "in between" option. You don't have to deal with all your responsibilities, but you also aren't leaving your life totally behind either.

Good luck; hang in there! It's tough, but it will get better!

Personal Experience

I would advise you find a new doctor, and if you haven't tried Lithium carbonate, ask the doctor what (s)he thinks about it. This is generally the treatment of choice for manic-depressives and it is considered to be highly effective.

You need to have someone manage your money so that when something does come to be you will not be in a state with which you need to have funds available.

In regards to going to the hospital, are you suicidal or just experiencing a situational depression that can be taken care of by changing the dosages you are currently on.

You obviously are going to need to seek out the treatment that a new psychiatrist would afford. You need to get in touch with the Mental Health Agency in your area and obtain the names of psychiatrists in your area in which you live. You will then be able to get in touch with those professionals and make an appointment with them.

It is very important that you obtain this information before you are depressed enough that you attempt suicide or have the desire so severe that you are on the brink of attempting it.

Don't waste any time in securing this information. The sooner you obtain it, the more healthy you will be mentally.