I feel like my life is spinning out fo control? I feel stuck?!

I keep making horrible decisions. I go out and spend money like crazy even when im broke. I hook up with the wrong guys all the time. I feel like I just want someone to love and want to be with me for me. However it never turns out that way, I get used and abused. I really don't have a life. I collect disability for PTSD and have not worked in over 5 years. I know no one. I go out on the weekends which is now turning into a an every other day habit.. I get smashed and lose my ****! I try to Escape reality so that I don't have to " think". I have zero to look forward to! I live with my mother and it is very stressful. I can't afford my car any more cause i spent my money on stupid ****. I'm in my early 30's I feel like im in a rut and I cant get out. I want to to change things and I want to be happy I just can't ever seem to get there ever. I have tried counseling and all it does is rekindle my ptsd and make me more upset then I already am. I have tried going on meds however I can;t deal with all the side effects of them. I have been in and out of psych. wards .
I feel like I'm stuck. Nothing makes me happy anymore either except going out and meeting some jerk-offs who later ditch me. LOL I don't know , maybe I'm looking for someone to save me from my screwed up life. Take me away and start over. Never happens that way though. Ideas on how to get my life back.?