Help with emotional abuse...?!


Question: Help with emotional abuse...?
First of all, you need to know that I am twenty-two years old and have a one year old daughter. I live at home with my parents because I am in no way financially stable enough to move out and provide for my daughter. I do appreciate the fact that my parents let me stay here so my daughter can have stability for a while, but the huge problem is the constant emotional abuse I suffer living here. For as long as I can remember, my mother has done everything in her power to isolate me and control everything I do. In middle school, I wasn't allowed to see my friends ever or go to extra-curricular activities at school...I was a loner. In high school it was exactly the same. My mother never approved of my friends (even though she made no effort and had no interest in meeting any of them) and I wasn't allowed to hang out with them, and spent my four years in high school constantly alone. I was not allowed to have a job in high school so I could focus on my studies, and my parents bought me a car (which I was rarely allowed to use). Now as a twenty-two year old adult I am still not allowed to have a part-time job, or use my car. My mother says I should have bought my own car which doesn't make sense since they bought me one so I didn't need to buy one. My mom says I will sit on the couch my whole life and not do anything with my life because I need to completely change who I am as a person, and until this happens I won't be allowed to get a job or use my car. I am not even allowed to take my daughter places with me alone, or go see friends with her. The excuse right now is that it is too cold for me to take her in the car (my car has heat that works just fine). All of this is bad enough seeing as how I am an adult with a child to provide for, but I am constantly being put down and berated by my mom. Not one day goes by without her calling me a ***** or a piece of ****, or taunting me until I break down or can't control my anger. I've never had an anger problem with anybody but her, and she says I need to get anger management which I have agreed to get because I do lose it around her when I can't take it anymore. I have tried to go to counseling, and have been three times. My mom won't let me go anymore because she says its not helping (I've explained that three times isn't enough to do anything). I was on depression and anxiety medication, which she promptly made me stop taking because she says it makes people insane. Now, I am not allowed to go back to therapy until she goes first and tells them how awful I am so I can't lie in therapy and make myself out to be the victim (I haven't lied in therapy, I know there are things I need to fix about myself but most of my issues stem from the fact that my mother has worn me down until I can't take it anymore and I know my mental health has been severely affected. There are other things I need help with in therapy that involve my child's father and things like that but my mom says I just need to get over that stuff and grow up because she's been through a lot worse than me). I've told her it's fine that she goes and talks to my therapist because I just want to go back there and get some help, but now my mom says "she'll think about it". I'm honestly at my wits end here, and can feel myself getting worse and worse every day. All I want is to be an adult and work and take care of my child without needing to depend on somebody else. I want to move out of my house so bad but my mom has me trapped there, I can't take my car and just go without someone to watch my child plus the car is in her name and she has said she will call the police if i take it. As far as I know, there isn't a way I can get out of this situation, there are no laws against what my mom is doing. What do I do? I need help/suggestions. I hope this made sense and I haven't just been rambling on and on...

Answers:

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Its a power struggle. Some people feel like they have to be in control because they themselves realize no one would be around them if they didn't have to be. She doesn't want to be alone. There is only one way out of this. You need to go to a womens shelter. Escape and don't go back. Once your there they will help you get on your feet by section 8 HUD housing, acquiring a job, and other necessities.

I personally don't agree with all these government support programs that are constantly abused but your situation is one of the few when I agree it is needed.

You will never be able to better yourself in that environment because it wont be allowed due to the control that would have to be given up. Its also a terrible environment for your daughter.

Be one of the few people who use these government programs correctly. Womens shelters are generally run by churches or non profit organizations. Find one, pack your stuff and go. They can help you from there.



This is absolutely insane and I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your mother is the reason you have not been able to accomplish anything. You cannot be in that environment, and you need to get your daughter out of there asap. You need help.

Try getting in touch with any family right now that is willing to take you in, and if they do take you in asap you gotta get a job. You need to start getting on your own feet for your daughters sake, and I know you can do it.

If not, get a phone number for a social worker, just google a social worker in your area. Tell them your situation and they may be able to help you. See if you can get welfare for now. Tell them about your mother and how shes treating you and locking you in because she is the sole reason why your in the situation you are in.

Also, look into wic. http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/
they are the Womans, Infants, and Childrens group. I am almost 100% positive you will be able to get a little help from them. At the very least they will prove you with food for your daughter. Just a recommendation though, when they give you the money you can only buy certain things with it, and you can only go to certain stores too i believe so once you go to the office ask where theres an official wic store. At those places things are wayyyy cheaper so you can get more and the people working there are familiar with the system and everything in the store is up for use from the money amount they give you.


PLease do these things, you need to for your self and your daughter.


As for your mother, talk to her. Tell her, how do you expect me to do anything if you wont let me? tell her you arent going to let her treat you like that anymore tell her your going to get a job whether or not she likes it. And what about your dad? does he treat you like that too? if not, talk to him too. Tell him what your going through and how you want to start to get on your own two feet.


i wish you and your daughter all the best. good luck :)
and remember, things will get better, you WILL get out of that situation and you will provide eventually for your daughter. Life will get better the moment you start to take control.



If you want control of your life, then take it. If you want away from the abuse, then move. No one says you have to live in a luxury apartment. I rented a room in various houses/apartments until I got financially stable. The problem is that you are not mature enough to have learned that life has trade-offs and sacrifices. If you want shoes, you have to pay money. If you want independence, you have to get a job. If getting a job means getting an education, then get an education. You are old enough to understand this connection. For some reason you think you can eat your cake and have it, too. Life can be hard and until you make some of those sacrifices, you won't get what you want. I applaud your Mom for giving you a safe place to stay. I disagree with the name-calling and if it were me, I'd be out the door if I had to stay on someone's couch. But even that someone will eventually want you to chip in for food and bills. Up to now, you've had a free ride and you're complaining. Grow up.




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