Should I be admitted to a nut house again?!

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Hey, I just want to say that your not alone, even if it may feel that way. I've experienced severe depression, and even thought of suicide as a solution. Please, please don't cut yourself. Physical cuts can heal, but the emotional confusion that is caused by it will just make things harder on you. Please don't think you deserve to feel pain or to be hurt...I think you just feel so disempowered that cutting yourself gives you a sense of control and power in your life...of feeling real, that you are deciding to do something that you think will make you feel better (ie. something you think you deserve). See, the only reason why people want, and therefore, do ANYTHING is because they believe that when they do it or have it, they will feel better than they do without having it...in other words, people will always do things if they think they deserve them (even cutting themselves).

The truth is, no one deserves to feel bad, and you're definitely not a bad person.

I think the reason why people even begin to consider suicide, is because with the way they are seeing the world around them, they feel that there is no way out...and by 'no way out' i mean, they feel that there is no way for them to be themselves and be happy expressing who they are (in other words, they think they cannot live life, and cannot be real) without others having a problem with it and disapproving of their happiness or willingness to live a different life than they think is right or appropriate.

I can suggest something that works for me, but just know that there is no 'one' right way to anything or for anyone...it all about how YOU feel and how you WANT to feel...everyone else is irrelevant:

Next time you're feeling really depressed and especially when you're looking to feel relief by cutting yourself, say to yourself (and really mean it), "what do I want right now?" you may think, well I want to cut myself ....but try to figure out why you want to cut yourself...yea its to feel better, but why do you think cutting yourself will make you feel better?

Try to think of the reasons why you really want to cut yourself....in other words, "what do Ireally want right now?"...Not what do I think I should want, and NOT what I think others want me to do, and NOT what I think others think is best for me, and NOT what I think I should do or be in order to make others happy and not mad at me, and NOT what I want for the rest of my life,...what do I really want now?." And it could be that you don't want to listen to your parents or family telling you what to do or not caring about you as much as you want them to, or anything...

and then, in the middle of this you'll get your voice back (ie. you'll feel a bit of empowerment that comes from being just a bit more clear about what you want), you'll prob feel some anger or rage...thats actually a good thing...go there for a a few moments, and express it, through thoughts or writing it down (but make sure you're by yourself when you do, because others don't really like to see people angry...but this isn't about them, its about you feeling better). So keep writing down your angry thoughts about what you know you dont want and from that knowing what you do want... and then you'll feel relief.

I really hope this makes sense, but either way, don't make too much about all this, just be easy about this and about life, and know that there's nothing you're supposed to do...there's only that which you want to do...nothing is more important than you feel good. Period.

Just know that you ARE valuable and an important person. Take care of yourself and care about yourself and about the way you feel, and treat yourself the same way you would if you had a daughter who was feeling this sad...you realize there's nothing out there worth feeling this bad about.

About going back to the institution..if you feel that you think you will gain personally from being there, then, go for it. But you made it clear that you really don't think you should be there, and honestly I don't think it's a good idea. If you are thinking of going there because you think you're defective or deserve to suffer in some way or because you're running away from your problems, like if you're scared of facing reality in your family and school, then definitely don't go. Because going will not solve anything. EVERYONE's scared of stuff (even if it seems like they're not)...don't feel bad for being afraid, its normal. I think its great that your mom cares about you..talk to her about how you're feeling if you want, but make it clear to her that you don't want her to call any institution or tell anyone..that you just want her to listen and that her caring is enough.

Just stay true to yourself and try to feel a little bit better each day.

And btw, you don't look crazy at all. I really hope this helps you feel better, even if it's just for today :)

I'll recommend something else that may help a bit. It's a book called "The Linden Method". It's all about effectively dealing with anxiety and depression in the easiest way anyone had ever come up with..you basically do nothing lol...read the book and listen to the audio parts of the package. If you want, I can upload the ebook and send you the link (send me an email to my yahoo account if you want and I'll be happy to do it), or you can order the book package directly from the website (it includes cd's).

Tell your favorite teacher about the abuse only-nothing more. I can call cps or counsel your mom etc.

1st of all, maybe you think people/parents can talk anyway they see fit each day. Turns out many parents are abusers. Actually they are not trying to be tough to make you better or help- they are tricking you. This goes for people at school as well. Words are abuse also.

There are 3 types of abusive people/parents. Some hit the bottle. Some hit you. And some run their mouths and put you down. THEY are sick and feel great on being mean, and thats the only reason they do it. They are wrong about everything. The typical abuser is close-minded, self-righteous and was also abused themself. Use defense and read many sites on verbal abuse etc. People tear you down to build themselves up. Youre being abused - Its their problem. Knowledge is power.

Abuse causes pain mistaken as Mental Problems. BP OCD etc. Psychiatrists commit fraud and all disorders are a hoax. For chemical imbalances NO test exists. You dont have what shrinks say you have. Dont tell anyone about your so called disorder. They will only drug you.

Jesus name and forgiving others who are wrong is important along with avoiding them.

Contact- Child Protective Services- Transitional help to age 21- tell your teacher. Dont tell your parents they wont listen.

Learn the truth, forgive, and Get Away from them. Read many many sites under "emotional abuse" and "dealing with bullies".

I have some questions for you.

Source(s):
Experience with people feeling better on a repeated basis.