Am I faking my problems?!


Question: Am I faking my problems?
Hey guys. I know that none of you like to read walls of text, and novel-length complaints about peoples' lives, so I am going to make this as brief as I can.

I currently am diagnosed with a Tic disorder. I also think I might have been abused as a child, so here is the history of it;

My mother is Asian (korean), and my father is caucasian/white. I was raised in the United States in Utah.
As a Kid, I had no honest friends, I was the exclusive target for bullying, and my grades were terrible. I was severly depressed, and I always wanted to commit suicide, even before I was 13.

My mother was raised in a strict asian setting, and my father was raised by a father who resorted to physical abuse to solve problems (or so he tells me).

It is my theory that because my parents were raised in strict settings, they were taught this parenting style, and I was treated in the same way. I never could really pay attention in school, and I would literally blank out of reality for minutes before I came back to my senses to realize where I was. My grades sucked. As a result, my parents always resorted to physical punishments (spankings, smacks, kicks, etc). In addition, my parents would occasionally punish me by making me sleep in our personal "library" of sorts, or the garage.

By the time I was a teen, I could not say a single thing to my parents, positive or questioning without being condemned like I was some kind of irritating fly. I attempted to remedy this by simply staying away from my parents. Of course, they adapted and instead of waiting for my interaction, actively sought me so they could let off their steam. They always called me lazy, stupid, useless, and all that. If they managed to make the situation bad enough, they would always hit, punch, whatever.

Well, in 2006, I was sent to "Vantage Point" for a day (a temporary teen home) for just a day. My parents picked me up immediately within 24 hours; I suppose my relocation to a government facility for "kids in need" hurt their pride. Physical beating occurrences went down from every other day, to once a week, to once a month. As of now, I have lived a full year without a physical affront from my parents, and I feel a lot more secure. Our family relationship is very strong now.

Whenever I am reminded, or think about past events, and the shitload days, I always enter this "hopeless" phase; I become incredibly depressed to the point where I could cry, thoughts of suicide come up incredibly strong, and I lose myself in sadness. This goes on for days until I push everything away, and not think about it for a whole month before I think about it again. It is like a cycle. This stuff ended a year ago; Why am I still brooding over this crap?

Also, I have had tics as a kid; I just never knew what they were. In the past year and a half, my tics have become a lot more prominent. Before, I had the occasional echolalia, where I would copy what I said over and over again, I would gasp randomly and even hit myself, but that was it, and it only happened a few times a week. Now, I am ticing like a clock. I tic once every 20 seconds at this point; I shake my head like a 'tard, I hit myself on the shoulder and head, I move my shoulders rapidly, I say "Yikes!", and I do this stupid stretch maneuver that makes me look like a freak in the middle of my classes.

Am I making this **** up? Am I making up these stupid tics to get attention? Am I faking it? I wonder at this point if I am psychologically lying to myself, or something. I have always been called a liar, and honestly, I believe it. I have always lied, I stretch stories (I didn't here), and I have always wanted some kind of positive interaction.

I can't get help anywhere else. I don't know who will listen to my problems, and hide the fact that they don't give a damn, or don't care. Yahoo answers is a lame way to get any decent help, but I figured that there are some people here who honestly do care, and do know about teen problems like these.
Am I faking my depression? Am I faking my tics? Am I faking all this stuff just because I want positive attention?

Answers:

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Well clearly, you've been through alot, but I can tell you for a fact that you are not faking. I'm pretty sure that's tourette's your talking about. I have it too. Everyone with neurological or psychological problems think they could be faking, since there's no official medical test for it.

You sound like a really nice person. Just try to stay positive. I don't know how old you are, but you have a good life ahead of you - whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. When you look back on the past, look back with pride and think about how strong you must be to have gotten through it.

It might take another little while, but everything will be fine, trust me. Email me whenever you want :)



have you tried going to the next dream level

inception, (watch out for trains)



well, ARE you faking your depression? or DO you want positive attention?
I think if you really thought of it, you could answer that yourself.

EDIT: well I had exactly the same problem. depressed for 3 years and I got trapped in that unsureness. but I felt like I could overlook myself and see that I just "wanted attention" or something. never really figured it out. but I just knew I was unhappy and I want to be happy.

so just try and think.. I dont think you are attention seeking. I think you are subconsciously wanting people to notice you and help in a way. that is how I felt about me. I didn't want anyone to notice me and I didnt want to annoy anyone but I wanted someone to care anyway.

so try to analyse what you want, and what you want from others. just think if you had all that attention... would that make you happy? I dont think It truely would,

so think of what WILL make you happy and go for it. just try to make changes to your way of thinking, damn hard but you should try!

Goodluck! sorry I rambled on. :)



You suffered a whole lot as a child. That doesn't just go away as you grow older, even when things are now better between you and your parents. Your depression sounds real to me, and I doubt the tics are getting you positive attention. Everyone wants positive interactions and attention. It would be a good idea for you to get into therapy. I am a therapist and one of my specialties is in releasing the pain childhood abuse. I think it is that emotional pain which is manifesting in the tics as well as the depression. I utilize an alternative therapy approach that is very effective and short-term. I can do sessions by Skype. My website is www.PositiveEnergyTrans.info Your parents may be willing to pay for this, if they understand you are really depressed and need/want help for the tics.




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