i'm so confussed? :'(?!

got a okay childhood in some ways, and i always depended on myself nobody else, and its that way now.
i make everybody happy, somebody ask's me to do something i will and i work from 12 untill 8, then 9 untill needed. and i do everything around the house, i got bought toy's but it was only to make up the time they wasn't there for me.
i use to love my life, use to be the lime light at school.. but then i hated it everybody knew everything about me.
i had 3 attempts at suicide, and it never wokred.
since then, i ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS made sure everybody was happy!
if they wasn't i'd get paranoid and start to ask 1000 question's, if one of my friend's hardly got any after my attemp's but the one's who loved me the most, never judged me.
i'd take out all the sadness and put it into me, i'm the peace maker, hardly ever nasty, but me and mu dad don't see eye to eye after my attemp's " we have a daughter who tryed to kill herself, obv she didn't do a good enought job" i heard it all, and since everything, i started to be more and more upset as the day's came, felt so alone and nobody cared becauase i always looked after my self but now, i can hardly eat i sleep too much, and i can't even get out of bed or dress my self, i had two dogs and i love to cuddle them out they walk away from me and i cry, im so sensitive! anybody say's anything i will go and cry and lash out in my room, its my comfy zone. i hardly ever leave it i write in a book it only makes me feel worse, i use to love how i looked, but now i hate how i see in the reflection, a ugly girl who nobody see's who i am anymore, i put all my time and effert to make sure everybody is fine and happy, but i'm not, i can't help myself? i hear voise's in my head they come and go, they say we can make you happy not here, we can we care!
but i lash out, i scream and cry trying too look for pills, i can't walk i feel that weak from not eating, i sleep too too much, i do a little thing wrong it's a big deal, i don't like to be made a fuss out of, i have flash backs of my overdoes's and my car accident, 3 year;s ago and they wake me up i have the same night-mear every night, somebody killing me, i'm so hopless.
then one min, i'm soo happy, top of the world, don't stop moving and singing and talking and a big smile on my face, so high and energetic, then i go back to hopless.
my mum is there but she always work's, i don't tell anybody because i'm a freak?
i grew up for my self, to make myself understand being on my own, but i can;t look after myself i scream and cry and punch anything in my way.
i never talk to anybody as much only close people, i don't ever ever leave the house, i'm so scared of that! i'm happy in my room, but it only make's me worse.
can you help?