how bad does my life seem to you?!
Question: How bad does my life seem to you?
I am an only child who was home schooled all the way through highschool.
Then I graduated college in a field that I'm not even sure I want to be in.
I have seven cousins. I don't know any of them. As an only child, it would have been really nice to be close to these seven cousins of mine. But I've only spoken with 5 of them a few times (like at funerals) and I've never even met 2 of them. Cousins could be like siblings if they're close enough, and I've really missed out because of estranged people in our family and stuff. Even though I'm an adult, I let my mother guilt me out of meeting up with some cousins because she literally hates my dad's side of the family and she locked herself in the bathroom after yelling at me to not go out to lunch with them.
My grandmother comes over to the house every day because she's just lost my grandpa and she's lonely but she's literally emotionally abusive to my mom especially and me. Mom and I can't even leave the house very often because she guilts us out for it, and later gives us the silent treatment or whatever. She's driving us crazy. Then she leaves and Mom whines about her life and Grandma and how depressed she is. Then it starts all over again the next day. Just insanity.
I really think I'm numb to all of this and it's worse than I think, and that my life is a real train wreck. I should absolutely get the hell away from this house and move on with my life, or otherwise I'm just stupid for letting them drag me down. But I feel bad for them because they're just not living life and enjoying anything.
Just curious to see what people think because I really don't have perspective on my life, and I want to know just how bad or serious this situation sounds from others' point of view. Is there reason to be really depressed about my life, or should I realize that these aren't really huge problems in the big picture?
Answers:
it sounds like things are hard for you, it also sounds like you don't have anyone to talk to about it. if you want my e-mail is racers3xxx@aim.com, that's also my IM you're more than welcome to talk or vent or whatever you need. (my yahoo is racer_sex@yahoo.com)
as for whether or not your problems are big enough to be depressed over, everyone has a different level of tolerance for issues in their life. if these problems are a big deal to you, and they make you depressed then they're completely valid regardless of what anyone else says.
get out of that house! Live your life on your standards.
your life is better then mine.
You family is and has been on a downward spiral for a long time and if you are not careful, it will be you too, in some way.
I advise that you pray for urself and ur mum and grandma and get urself out of this hole, its amazing youve had a way to speak to us now, plz dont get pulled down further, maybe you can be the answer and pull them out of the hole theyre in. Get some help, like a psycologist or social worker that can visit ur mum and help her. I feel you can do it!
It sounds so sad and depressing and it sounds like a lot of negativity of thoughts and attitudes is the reason for all of this. You can only move forward with love, so try it, be positive and pray alot and u are not alone, i will pray in my head now for understanding of what to do and protection.
Best of luck! I hope everything will be all right down the track.
=D
I agree that this situation is dragging you down.Your mom is placing a lot of emotional burden on you and that is unfair. However, I also totally get where you're coming from by not wanting to leave her alone in that situation. But in the long run you need to think of what is best, first, for your own life & happiness, and secondly for your family.
If you have a steady job and can support yourself financially, you could consider moving to a local apartment. You would still be able to visit your mom often, but you won't be so influenced by her manipulation. (Plus a bed would be great, wouldn't it? :)
Ah, I understand. You don't leave because you feel guilty that you are able to enjoy and have a life while the people you love (your mom) can't. But the truth is, she has to make the choice to change for her to get better. You can't make her better. Maybe moving out would help her.
You're 23 -- moving out doesn't mean you don't love your family. It means you just can't carry everyone's problems on your shoulders all the time.
And people feel better being able to control others -- I bow down to this...but we can't let other people decide what is best for our lives...because they have a life to live and we do, too
Hi:) well noone can really tell you how good or bad your life is.. I admit you have had to go through quite a bit and I respect you a lot for it! We all have problems in our lives some way diffrent from others but hard times happen to the best of us. Just keep living ur life the way you feel fit and if you feel as if you need to make any changes do so as long as it makes you happy.
Well at least you have a place to sleep and food to eat, think that there is people that have a much more horrible life.
Now let see a bit of your life.
First why you don't have a room? is not enough space or what? if you don't have a bed but there is a space, well get a job save some money a buy one, if there is no other room think if you can pay for your own place before moving.
If your garndma goes every day to your house, you just don't have to be there, get a partial time job and stay away while you are making some money.
And of course you need a life so think what do you want to do in the future and think about studing and getting a real job, then if you know where you want to get you will be able to know what you need to do today to get there in the future and all your life will start to have sense.
Then with the time you will see that this problems are not really big.
Don't compare your life to others, no one can truly understand how you feel since you are a unique individual. All that matters is that YOU feel like you have a poor quality of life going on right now. If you tell yourself that other people are worse off and you have no right to feel negatively then you are only beating yourself up and not addressing the issue. You deserve to be happy and optimistic about life!
It's understandable that you love your mother, but obviously she needs help for her hoarding and you both need a safe, clutter free environment to live in.
Have you tried speaking with her? You mentioned that she can be difficult about certain things, it's most likely a defence mechanism for her to cope with her fears and anxieties. Show her that for your own health you cannot deal with this anymore and she needs to realize that she shouldn't be either. Maybe moving out on your own will not only give you some freedom and stress relief but also help her wake up and get help.
If you try to help her and she refuses, then you have to walk away. Like you said you cannot let them drag you down you have a life to live as well.
I hope everything works out for the best, take care.
It sounds like you're keeping yourself locked up in a toxic environment. I know they're you're family and you love them, but if they can't respect the decisions you make then that's too bad. Life only happens once, and only you can do anything about it. You need to go on with your own life, explore, try new things, go to new places. There's a whole beautiful world waiting for you, and you won't see in from inside your mother's house. You can't feel bad about the decisions other people make, it's not your life. Sometimes you need to be selfish for your own good.