I was raped at 16 & now I'm getting married in March,how can I let go o!

I think you will let go in time. I think when you realize you enjoy being close to your man and the feeling of being secure in his arms, you will eventually learn to trust him physically. He is your man and your protector for life. What you will have together is a beautiful thing and very right...they way it was meant to be.

Don't do anything of that nature that you're not comfortable with. You wouldn't enjoy it and neither would he. Eventually, I hope time will heal your past and you will trust your husband enough to comfortably to do the deed and embrace the present and future. Good luck!

My advice.: don't put your trust in the internet to solve problems as great as this. God bless you and hope you find better help in a counselor or friend than on the internet where there are mostly inconsiderate freaks out to hurt you for fun.

Just let go of the past do whatever and don't think about it

Congrats on getting married

I wish the best for you and i hope you have a happy life :)

-Hope i helped!!!

In Thailand I was shown a pool of small turtles. I was told people imaginatively attach their past troubles to a turtle then release it in the water. You might try that. The past is gone, do not allow it
to keep you company.

I don't think anything we say can really help without you going and getting psychological help. Its not wrong to be as scared as you are. But you really need to talk to someone or on that special night just take it really slow.

You really should see a therapist and face the fact that what happened in the past stays in the past. As long as your happy with your fiancee then i dont understand why you should feel scared and nervous

If he is ok with it then don't worry. Since you guys love each other and he understand you so relax, let past be the past. Enjoy and live in the present. Don't freak out with guys as all guys are not bad.

try to see a psychology to help you take over the memorys of you getting rape and put a stop to them going through your mind to control what happen in the past to put it a side and move forward

it takes 2 to make a marriage caring is loving and it gets you there. always maintain insight as two episodes that have little relevance and go with the marriage and time and contentment will heal

Poor girl.. ill kill the ****** who raped you.
Just forget the past. The past is the past. This is now your future. So move on and be happy with your life.

maybe you should take a new places or life style for your good own. because this life is once......

Just be happy and move on. I'm happy for you that you are getting married. Congrats! :)

First I am so sorry that you had to go through that horrible experience. What you really need to do is to go to counselling. There may be a Sexual Assault Centre where you live (it may have another name). You won't have to tell anyone the details about what happened to you, if you don't want to. But you can talk about your feelings, when it was happening, after it happened and all the way to now. As hard as that will be, the more that you tell about it the less hold it will have on you. It will honestly help you learn to cope. You are very lucky to have such an understanding fiance. He will help you through this as well, I think. I hope this helps. Good luck.

first off... see a psycologist .. no one person unless trained in this can help you as a person move on but psycologists some of them specialized in victimized women.... another is to remember.. your fiancee... isn't your attacker.. and if u are going to marry him u need to either move on sexually and emotionally or u aren't going to have a healthy relationship.( i been in same situation and i have been married for 7 almost 8 years now)
i know i wrote down my experience to visually see how i felt and it's cathartic. next .. i got into takign care of myself better.. eating things i liked( i happen to love fruit and veggies so it worked out for me lol) i took teas to calm down and i got stories from friends of good sexual relationships...
some women join sexual assault victim groups and some just forget and move on( rare but i met some)
thing that helped me the most... is studied various sexual manuals ... it helps to expose yourself to visual pictures in old manuals( not saying porn ) but of women enjoying the sexual act . next i ... read alot of history books... and i figured women have been getting raped like chattel since man walked earth.. so if they can move on so can i.
also... the movie where the heart is had this great line.. when novalee gets asked by her best friend( her best friends child got abused by one of her dates) asked why it happened to her child.. novalee said something really smart and touching.. and made me thing.. we all got meaness in us... some more than others.... and i remembered... humans have a tendency for violence.. and to be truly strong is to be gentle and to let things go. so cry your eyes out... cry truly cry ok? none of that i gotta do this now crap .. you take your time .. if he loves u he will wait.. sex should be a enjoyable experience.
the reason why most rapists sexually assault other humans( i won't say just women .. men are also targets of rape and children as well) is power.. they can make u fear and make u feel dirty ( i know i felt dirty and fearful all the time) thing is... is u are actually playing into their hands when u just live in the experience ... for a woman to actually move on from what they did is often the thing that makes them the most mad. in a way without realizing it.. you gave him exactly what he wanted.. he wants you to remember and to fear him forever.
remember you are not alone.. 1 in 5 women / 1 in 10 men are rape or sexual assault victims.
be happy for yourself! you are alive, obviosly loved and on top of that.. you are a woman hear yourself roar( reference to a old book i am woman hear me roar) you can be as strong as you want to be or you can be as weak and down as your attacker wants you to be.

Realize that the guy loves you, not all guys are perverted. Whoever raped you was sick minded, and he'll have to answer to God. If the guy was going to hurt you, he would've already done it. And sex and love are two different things. With him, it would'nt be sex, you'd see it in a whole different lite. Congrats, and don't worry, God has a plan. Start a family!!!(:

You just need to allow yourself to quit looking back on the past. I know, easier said than done, but it's really up to you to NOT let the past have control over you. Allow yourself to be happy, to enjoy your marriage. Think about the now, think about the beautiful life that you ane your fiance are going to share. Think about all the trust you have in your man and how compassionate he is towards you. It's about acknowledging your past, but allowing yourself to move forward.

It's up to you, choose happiness.

Good luck

Let him know before you get married what happened. He will be very understanding and will treat you even kinder because of what you went thru.

Tomorrow go to the Dollar Store and get a balloon. Go outside and stay to yourself this is my past and now I am letting it go. Let go of the balloon. All the weight you have carried on your shoulders should go with the balloon. YOU ARE FREE! Not that it never happened, it's just that you are letting go of all the pain and heartache that went with it. Once you do that, you are now a free person.

There are many of us girls that had that kind of horror. You don't have to hang onto it anymore. I let my balloon go 30 years ago. And I haven't looked back! You can do it too. A crime was committed and now it's over. If you keep it in your head, it will always be there, but you have the POWER to let it go.

So let it go. Have a wonderful happy life with your man:)

I think u r wrong. U should told him everything very clearly when he proposed u. Coz at that time, his trust on u would got doubled due to ur that one truth (if he really loves u) but now at this time or later on it will just going to hurt him. I sugest u to told him each and everything very clearly before ur merriage if u want happy and safe futre life. It may hurt him but it will save both ur and his life best of luck for ur life, god bless u

This is my opinion, Never see a psychiatrist. They will screw your mind. I never talk about this but I hope it will help you.I had a wife but not now because of psychologist`s, She had small issues, when young but nothing at all to worry about. When she was 50 she had a accident caused by a car. Head injury. If you have a head injury in New Zealand you must see a psychiatrist.. And that`s where our life`s turned to ****. My wife was always paranoid her whole life that I new her.( the psychiatrist, never worked this out, as she only told them what she wanted , and what she though they wanted! ) The first meeting with a psychiatrist, they told here that 85% of people that get a head injury get a divorce. So in her mind that was it.Remember she was seriously injured.That sowed the seed.We divorced.Could it be that simple, well if I had time ? yes that simple.To me keep away from those turds.
But one day I heard a professor from America.talking on accident , rape, trauma etc.He had studied the brain and memory longer than anyone else in the world .He explained that if you keep talking of your bad experiences, you never, never get over them.he explained it is like learning, say the computer. You are told about it you read about it, you use the key board and practice, and talk about it, and the knowledge become embedded in you brain until you know how to operate the computer.The knowledge is learnt and like gets stronger and imprinter in your brain. The more you talk and do, the stronger that imprint is of that formation . Until when you want the knowledge, you immediately receive it from your brain. You have learnt, good.Well the professor sad , when the psychiatrist keeps going over all of your problems and worry`s troubles, trauma`s etc, they become stronger imprinter learnt behaviour. It becomes stronger in your brain ever time when you are learning,you think about it talk about it, and bloody well explaining to the idiot psychiatrist, about it. It becomes like a learnt thing in your brain. When you learn something really good you never forget it don`nt you and, recall the knowledge imprinted ( easier ) every time,right.Well that is what these bastards are doing to you when you go to them. You can never never get away from it, you repeat the trauma`s to them, making it easier to recall. Tell me how are you ever going to forget, or at least move on. I am not saying it is easy and that you are going to completely forget. That is impossible, you know that.But you need to get to the place that you can handle what has gone on and in your head you have to say this is my life you ****, but what you did to me. you are not going to ruin my life.The imprint of this terror, has got to get weaker in your memory, you must agree with that. Other wise it stays like a strong learnt item in your head and it just stays their very strong. You can never get away from it. But those learn--- ones will disagree, with me and I know this, and that is, that they just learnt from a book, they all learn from the same book, and they want your money, that is their profession, how dare I say this well,I have told you my story. And they screwed a beautiful woman`s mind. They would not have done it to me as I would have told them to F - - - off. But the woman had a head injury ! So I would advice you to stay away from these clowns.The American professor knows more than the psychiatrist, that is his life time study. Hope this helps . Take care.

Intense fear of sex is common after being raped. Unfortunately you and your fiance will probably have to work together with a psychologist who specialises with sexual dysfunction. Your man sounds like an absolute sweetie; to be so patient and kind with you. If you trust him, with help, you should be able to extend that trust into sexual intercourse.

If you wan to try things without psych help I would advise taking things really, really slowly. Don't leap straight to penetration, or anything that reminds you of the rape. Try extended foreplay; kissing and over-clothes touching; and stop whenever you feel fearful or panicky. Keep things at this level until YOU are ready to move to something more. You might then try fondling and fellatio, and stay at that level till your comfortable. You can keep increasing contact, while occasionally going back to something lighter so you don't feel pressured or rushed.

Keep things slow, and in YOUR control. When you were raped the man had the control, so it's important that you know that you have a say in every sexual decision that you make, even as a couple. I'm so sorry this happened to you, I wish you all the best.

experience of rape

I think if you truly love him and he truly loves you...the first time you have sex will make all your fears or memories start to fade because you'll notice the difference. I was also in the same situation, but then I went with a guy who was very trusting and very patient and although it didn't completely rid me of the memories, I think about it much less than I used to. Just trust him and take a leap forward by telling him when you're ready. Take a deep breath, and relax