After cutting I got really irrateted and axious?!
Question: After cutting I got really irrateted and axious?
Tuesday was a bad day, and that night I cut myself. The next morning I had to go to school. I was doing okay untill about 12:30 when that was all I could think about. I started getting really p*ssed off and irratible, and kinda anxious that when I went home my blade would be gone and I was getting shivers and biting my nails and I was really figity and upset. It felt like my stomach was in a knot, but not like a sick feeling, just a feeling. I went to the bathroom just to try and stop freaking out and there was a bent-up staple on the floor. I was reaaaaally upset, and its not somthing I would normally do, but I used that to cut. After that I felt better and okay and relaxed again, and I went back to class. Why was I freaking out? Im not suprised that cutting made me feel better cuz it allways does, but I dont understand why I felt so bad before. Please no judgments.
(p.s. I cut my thigh, not my wrist, so dont say "how did no one notice?")
Answers:
Cutting has become a habit which is no different than an addict or alcohol would entail.
The desire to cut has become such a way of life for you that when you were in school and the desire to cut was so severe that you were unable to control the desire to cut.
You state that you don't do it that often, but apparently you desire it enough that you are unable to control your moods if you do not have the opportunity to do it.
I am not making any judgments. Please do not take what I have written above in the wrong way. I am only stating what is known about cutting and the reasons one does feel the desire to do so.
All this cutting will cause an infection and kill you.
Cutting may seem like a healthy way for you to get rid of stress, but it is really not worth it.
The reason you felt anxious is because you had to way to vent stress. You actually felt a in depth and adverse form of it. That's what normal people feel, and they deal with it. If this cutting becomes an addiction, you are really not setting yourself well off.
I echo everyone else here and say no one is judging you. This seems to be an outlet for you to relieve stress. Please be careful when doing this it could cause some form of infection. Also this seems to go a little deeper go talk with someone who could possibly help you think of another way to deal with your stress and give you an alternate outlet to vent.
No judgments here, friend. But I am concerned for you. What if you get an infection? What if you accidentally cut the wrong vein/artery and bleed to death? Please, friend, talk to your guidance counselor and tell him or her everything that you just told us; they might be able to help you, or they will refer you to someone who can. You don't need to suffer like this. In the meantime, read Psalm 34:18 in your Bible - I find that verse very encouraging. Peace to you.