depersonalization (depression/anxiety linked into it), help please?!


Question: Depersonalization (depression/anxiety linked into it), help please?
okay, i'm 13, and i've been depressed since july 2009. It was over a huge guilt trip that i had been going through for years, i paniced and eventually told my mum. Then i felt guilty about everything i could think of that was bad, that i had done. My worries and anxiety's got worse, and so my mum took me to the doctors knowing i had depression, and he got me a councellor. But it would take 6 months for me to be able to go to the councellor. In the end i turned her down because i felt better, but it got worse, and my worries got more complex, like am i being possessed. I had another one, i worried if this world and everything i see real? or just an illusion or simulation, it went away, but now it's come back. When i worry about this, i feel like i'm physically in a bubble, i go light headed and everything just goes weird, as if it's fake and not really there. It's scary, because it's hard to escape the worry. I also worry when i look in the mirror sometimes, i can't get my head around that it's me, that body that's being controlled, even me that's thinking? is it actually me that's thinking, it's hard to understand without knowing what i'm going through.

I feel helpless, alone, when i think of my childhood, like in primary school, i feel so depressed because i was normal and happy then, now im messed up, i have these worries that trouble my reality and everyday life. i cant lead a normal life like this. i feel so messed up... i feel so messed up, confused, alone, lost, helpless, in dispare, you name it... that even when my mum practically knew something was up a few weeks back, and when she was questioning me whilst hugging me to tell her what was up, saying she needed to trust me when i said i was fine, i knew it was the perfect time to tell her, but something was holding me back, it was like this wall, standing there, so i couldnt tell her, like i'm not in control of my mind to tell her anymore... i really don't know what to do, i can't tell her, it's just like a wall standing in the way of me telling her. What do i do, i'm so confused, terrified, like i can't explain how i am anymore, and detatched from reality (slightly literally) in my mind. I looked on facebook, went back to when i first got facebook, which was around 2 years ago, and in the first few months of having depression, my status's were cheesey and innocent, i wasn't as messed up and crazy as i am now at all. I feel like i've changed and become ALL depression. I've just had a good 3-4 days without seriously worrying too much, but i've just become depressed again, i've just begun worrying again, like i thought, i'm still depressed and it's not gone, i can't escape.

I think, the world is pointless, life is just a bunch of senses, emotions ect. The technology is too complex and crazy to be real, the world can't be real. Also, the teacher kept me behind to have a word with me, and when she was talking to me, i started panicing, thinking, it can't be my conciounce she is talking to, it can't be me that she wants to talk to. Also one more thing, i'm going to a theme park in 2 weeks, i want to go on the big roller coasters, but i don't want my light headed type affect to get in the way on the rid, another thing is, I also feel really confused with who i am anymore. please help me. or give me some advice about all of this?? Thankyou

Answers:

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You are in control of your mind. Technology is not complex. Its really simple. I think yo would feel more comfortable if you began to read about how some of it was invented. Get a very basic electronics book. Start with that. What you are using as a computer is pulses of electricity through microscopic wires. On and off pulses. Thats it. Not nearly as complex as you think.

You need to be with friends more. I think most of problems like this is because parents are oblivious to social needs. Seriously. Just completely oblivious.



You can get some free cognitive behavioral therapy by computer, and the program is kinda fun, and a little dorky, but I like it. it's mood gym, by australia nat'l university. You have to do the homework that is assigned, but it's not hard.

also, be aware that some prescribed and over the counter medications can cause depression and/or anxiety. a few are acne, birth control, sleeping, blood pressure, allergy and many other meds. also even cold medicine can mess people up. Too much caffeine can be a problem for some, especially younger people.

It appears that lack of sleep may be a major cause of anxiety and depression in young people. are you tired, but sleeping 9 hours a night (8 is not enuf for your age)?then consider if there are rackety sounds waking you up (barking dog, crying baby, jet planes, etc) or you may have a sleep disorder, such as sleep apnea.

anyway, try the moodgym thing, and other things that help a LOT generally are more excercise, particularly when you are feeling crappy, getting more socializing in with others, not just on the computer, and getting more bright light if you are someone who has more trouble on cloudy days or during wintertime. there are light boxes you can try. you may be able to rent one for a couple weeks at a medical supply to see if it will help you - not sure.

all the best to you.



=( I'm sorry you're going through this.
When I turned 13(I'm 16 now), my sister left for college and I entered high school. It was a huge change for me because I was forced to become more independent and work harder.
I started to get depressed and it manifested itself through anxiety and I was constantly on the internet studying disorders and diseases, wondering if I had any.
I felt like the world wasn't real and I was just dreaming. It was like there was something clouding my vision and even my own arms seemed fake when I looked down.

I'm not sure if this is exactly what you are trying to describe, but it sounds similar. I didn't think about it as much as you did in regards to the pointlessness of life, but I think we may have experienced the same physical symptoms. I eventually came to the conclusion that I had derealization disorder. My sister later found out that I felt the world wasnt real and she told my parents, which led to me going to a psychiatrist. When I told her I thought I was experiencing derealization, she took it into consideration but told me she just thought I was depressed and anxious. She put me on prozac and although I had my ups and downs on it, I am a looot better now.

Perhaps it is just depression for you too, and we just experience it in a way that is kind of different than most people do. Either way, my advice is to go to a doctor who can help you out with this. Medicine can help. I hope you feel better!!!! :)))




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