Should I go to the hospital for depression?!
Question: Should I go to the hospital for depression?
Just recently, when my mom wasn't looking I took a plastic bag out of the cabinet, went in the medicine cabinet and took all the drugs out of the cabinet I could find and when I was done I just hid them in my closet until I get really depressed (my depression happens extremely frequently).
I have never told my mom about my depression, why I'm depressed, or that I'm thinking about killing myself. I have never told any of my friends either. Almost everyday when I get on my computer I look up things like "whats the most painless and quickest way to kill yourself?" stuff like that. I don't know if I'll ever get the gut to kill myself but I am still thinking about it.
These are some of the reasons why I want to kill myself :
1.) Apparently I'm being used by boys just because I'm a model.
2.) When I was little I was molested by my little stepbrother (pretty pathetic I didn't do anything?)
3.) Drama, stress, and depression.
4.) Life is just hard for me. I can't take the sh*t anymore.
Etc.
I saved a Suicide Hotline Number on my cellphone and I'm scared to call it because I don't know what they will say and I'm not very good at them explaining it. Am I just talking to this machine or am I talking to a real person?
About maybe a couple weeks ago I had a nightmare of getting raped and I didn't want to be near my family for days. I took 2 hour showers and when I woke up from the nightmare the first thing I did was take a shower and when I got out I figured out that I bruised both of my arms from scrubbing to hard so I ran back to my room so that nobody seen the bruises.
I feel like there is absolutely nothing to live for, I am being used just so these boys could date me and open their mouth and tell the entire school their dating a model and life is just really hard for me. I can't tell my mom or my friends, my computer is like my personal diary. Sometimes when I write in my computer in the notepad and save it sometimes I start balling my eyes out just because I want to let it out and tell someone but I can't. The only person I talked to was a person at Church. I only went to her maybe twice and I never went to her again because of I was frustrated, I feel like I'm betraying people and I don't want to live anymore, I just want to be DONE and get it over with. Sometimes when I'm with my friends I feel like they give me a reason to live but then they get mad at me for some ridiculous reason and go away from me which makes me want to run into the bathroom and cry. I have never cut myself but I'm thinking about it.
For example : The other day when I was on the bus, I was with my friend. I don't want to say his real name so lets just say it's Shane. He keeps telling me I should have a social life and after a while while sitting on the bus I got more comfortable talking and he took out a book and I said "what book is that?" And he said "a book." I was about to say, what's it about? But he said "you know, you talk way to much, just shut up and leave me alone. You talk way to much." He said more but I don't really remember. I said "you talk more than I do!" And he said "shut up, really!" or something like that and he went to the other seat. I had an idea he was kidding because he was going to move to the other seat anyways but I'm not necessarily sure if he was but I took it a little seriously. He was actually giving me a reason to want to live but when he yelled at me like that it made me feel bad.
But my question is :
How exactly do they treat you in the hospital for depression? Do they like, give you a shot or something? What do they do?
How do they help you feel better?
Do they put you in an isolated area?
I'm 16 by the way..
Answers:
Yes. You should go to the hospital. Tell your mom you want to go to the emergency room because you are suicidal. Don't be ashamed. Rape victims always blame themselves when its bullshit. You need to get mad at the people who suck (users and guy on the bus) and not internalize it. Its not you, it's them. You know that at 16 purberty messes up the brain like drugs, right? Its hard to be 16! Stop punishing and blaming yourself and get help immediately.
First of all let me just mention that God loves you no matter what you look like or what you've been through, He sent His Son to die for you and He wants you to ask Him into your heart. He will never leave you and will be your best friend. Now, if you are suicidal you should go to the emergency room and if they put you in the hospital they will most likely start you on medications and give you people to talk to about your problems.
just quirky said, but also check out for a counslar as well, im going to my first on next week and im nerous as ****. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand try not to date too many guys at school, its a really bad thing to makes drama and makes life hard for no reason, wait for the right person, find a guy that actually has a brain(fully develloped would be best) ;) lol...
i know what your going through... il answer your answers first.
im actully not sure if they will put ya in hosp for been depressed, id say maybe if you were sucidal i dont no, in the past i thought i should of been hospilised cos i was very sucidal, but if i actully went to the hosp i knew it would of made me worse, as in feeling depressed so i said nothing..
im on antidepressents, it takes them a good few weeks to show results, especially, if you need to increased in them and that. i visit councilors,docs and phycols...
i cut , but i would not advise it tho, cos i keep turning to it wen im so depressed, and my friends dont understand atal why i do it, i need to do it cos i often do feel numb and i need to feel something, i like to see blood.. its a feeling of control, and a release for me... altho i do not want to die at the moment, but back last year in the summer, wen i wasnt been treated i was v.sucidal, it was the worst experience of my life...
i have anxiety probs, were i worry/overthink things too much, and i get paranoid, and its hard to stop all the thinking... where as boys, i wouldnt have the same experience as you..... i get with boys, but only kiss them, nothing more. because i dont want to feel used, and if i was used, it would get me down. because as you say you are a model, you must be a very pretty girl :) and if any guy really wants you/cares for you,he shouldnt use you!! i still go out and have fun with guys, just talking and kissing and that..but i dont let them use me... i know a guy were i went home with him twice, slept in the same bed, but just cuddled... we didnt do anything, and its fine to do that, i no we like each other, but im sick of getten laid with guys and then i might never see them again!! ....