How to break emotional dependence on another person. Very serious for me. (Very !
Question: How to break emotional dependence on another person. Very serious for me. (Very long, to TL;DR)?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aque5nGzaa_o6sAo5a6tfdjsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20110213182746AAcGiqS
That gives you all of the knowledge you need for my current situation. Disregard my attempts to lighten that question up. It really is serious business now. And one more piece of information that I neglected to put in the first question: I am related to X.
Read the title for my current question. I need to know how to stop using X for an emotional crutch. I need to know how to stop using X for an emotional crutch right now.
My first question details my state pre-X. Total depression, extremely violent, etc.
It also details that if it weren't for X and my dependency on X, I would be a right bastard.
Not only do I not know how to break my dependence on X, I'm afraid that if I do I'll become both terribly depressed and a horrible person.
When I've thought on this subject before, the solution that came into my mind was "find friends". X is quite literally my only Real Life friend. That always failed because:
1) I have a hatred of men. I don't like to associate with any male more than I have to. I figure that it's due to most of the men I've ever known being complete *****. That removes aprox. 50% of people.
2) No social experience. I never associated with anyone until I was 9 yrs. old. Homeschooled, etc.
I am a total social pariah.
3) I'm afraid to try to do almost anything because I'm afraid of getting hurt.
And, hell. I only have one Internet friend. He's 1,500 miles away and I can only call him friend because X assured me that he wasn't a bastard.
I do know some people but, that's about all. They aren't terribly interested in me. We don't share a single interest or have massively conflicting personalities.
Even now, getting friends so that I wouldn't be so totally lonely is the only way that I see.
This isn't a preemptive question like my first question.
This situation isn't "let's ask this and see what gets said. It might be something helpful but, it doesn't matter if it isn't".
This is me asking the internet for help in my personal life, because the internet is the only entity that I can ask. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated greatly.
One more thing: The only answer to the last question said that I should get help. I agreed. But, that costs a lot of money. We can barely give ourselves the necessities of life. This is either going to happen by my own hand and mind, or it isn't going to happen.
I'll check on this question in a few hours, so asking for additional information probably won't get anything. Until then, I'll be playing Minecraft and/or Dwarf Fortress.
Answers:
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
I winced when I read this (and your previous post) because it sounds so similar to something I went through. Firstly, I wanted to say that I doubt you will become a horrible person once your dependence on X has stopped. You may have decided against drugs, swearing and vice because X didn't like them, but there is no reason to think you will automatically begin those behaviours if X wasn't around. You said you were 12/13 when this all first started and now you're 15. Early teens (12/13) is when you first get all these surges of hormones that make you angry and violent and unpredictable. Just because you felt like that then, doesn't mean you will now. I was quite a violent, angry teen sometimes, but now I have almost no violent feelings. And you don't sound like a bastard :P
In terms of your depression returning.. Might that just be a risk you will have to take? You seem quite sure that you have to break the dependence, so you may have to resign yourself to the possibility that you will have a set-back with your depression. It's a crappy situation, but do you have a choice? Try not to freak out though; just because you MAY get depressed doesn't mean you WILL.
When I went through depression I became totally dependant on a friend of mine. Like you, I probably wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for her. I stayed at her house, she looked after me, got me help, played games with me, held me when I cried, distracted me when I heard voices; she became my everything and I fell in love with her. Like you, I became jealous when she talked to other people, anxious if she wasn't there and became completely hyper-aware of where she was and who she was with. I wasn't related to her, but there were still strong reasons why we could NEVER be together. Despite this, I hung onto her for 4 years, and I loved her all that time.
I was afraid to break the dependence for the same reasons you are; that, and I couldn't bear to let her go. But like you I had too. I started by decreasing the number of calls and texts, and I tried not to initiate contact. But the only thing that actually worked (that my therapist insisted that I do) was to tell her how I felt. I sat her down and actually said the words "I'm in love with you". Until then, it had just been something that had floated around, building my obsession. Saying it out loud, letting her react, and then deciding together what should be done 'popped the bubble' of my obsession. It was a way of admitting to myself and to her that my dependence had to end. And I DID'NT get depressed again; I actually felt a bit better.
With the friends thing, It sounds like you just haven't met people who are on your wavelength. There are loads of people who love anime and manga, and there are heaps of online clubs you could join, you could even search for sci-fi and anime clubs in your area. The local comic-book store is a great place to start, and some College campus' have anime clubs that you could could probably join if you asked. I'm sure there might also be some creative writing classes you could do in the school holiday's, or online writing clubs. Just don't be afraid to look!
The only thing I really can't help you with is your fear of getting hurt. There are always going to be things in life that scare you; the trick is not letting those things paralyse you. You may not get hurt by doing nothing, but you probably won't find happiness either. I hope I've helped in some way. If you want to chat more you can email me at leshara@hotmail.com. Good luck!!