Why am I ashamed of being human?!


Question: Why am I ashamed of being human?
I dont know why but im female and very reserved I think this is the reason ive never had a close friend. Im sort of ashamed in a way to show emotion i rarely hug people only of they ask and never express myself i never say 'aww' or call people 'hun', 'babe' ive always acted formal with people. The only thing i do show is humour almost everything i say is an attempt by me to be funny but cause of my bad social skills people sometimes think im being serious and get insulted.

Its as though Im afraid of being human or resembling one. Like im ashamed of people thinking that i have emotions and need affection. Im in my twenties and have never had a bf cause im so private. I had to have an operation a few months back and was terrified of the anesthetic and someone i knew (from my rock climbing club) offered to come in and hold my hand etc during the anesthetic and i let them cause it helped but at the same time i was really embarrased and felt humiliated because of the fact a simple injection could put me to sleep i just felt weak and too 'human'. Its hard to explain lol im just making myself sound weird but its the best way i can describe it. Showing affection etc is just too embarassing for me but i dont know why! I guess im known by my family as being a reserved loner who likes her own company my mum says that she thinks i'l never get married. Deep down i want affection etc though but it makes me feel weak all these human needs make me feel embarrased.

I just wanted advice or even opinions on why im like this. I only ever have crushes on older men but oddly enough id be really comfortable with showing affection around these people if i wasnt so shy. Like showing my 'human vunerability' (for lack of a better word :/) would actually turn me on. I just dont get it!

Answers:

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Although I'm 17, I feel the same way as you. I believe it was because I sort of lived "away" from affection. I'm a single child with one parent. My mother worked late nights all my life which resulted in me being alone a lot and raising myself. I moved away from all my friends once, to a new school, which was kind of traumatic for me. Making a few close friends, and opening up to one of them, helps. But I feel that I wouldn't be able to express my views of people and the world to them in a way that they could understand because my mind works so differently from their own.

But as I said, opening up to a friend of mine, who also happens to be my ex girlfriend, helps tremendously. Perhaps you're just more intelligent than the people around you. I was left alone with my thoughts a lot, and I still think a lot about the world. I rarely show emotion as well. I also find that I don't complement people at all. And if I do, it's usually a false complement (I'll say it just to be nice, but I don't really care of have an honest opinion about what I'm complementing)

P.S. - I'm going to the doctor for depression on Wednesday. Haha.



You are you. When I had sugery, I did the same thing. Don't worry. :)



Don,t worry real beauty comes from within you will find what you are looking one day . keep happy



I'm 21 dating a 47 year old guy, and it's been doing wonders for me opening up and getting comfortable around people. Try getting to know an older person you like, at whatever level you're comfortable with (friend or more than) to help you get familiar with being intimate. Older people tend to be a lot less reserved. (just don't pick a creep lol there's plenty of those too)

Or try working with kids, it's really hard to continue taking life too seriously when around them :D

You do sound pretty professional though, which is a good thing in the work place. Perhaps you work a bit much and don't think it's normal to be more touchy/feely because you're not supposed to at work?



i think that you have a very low self esteem, in this life you need to first start to love yourself to build you confidence. Have a good long look in the mirror, spend time and money if you can afford it on new outfits. join some new clubs, make new friends and make time for them to. you will only get back from life what you put into it. when you feel ready join a singles club for meets holidays etc, you will soon find someone.



You're not alone in not feeling comfortable in using words such as 'hun', 'babe' and other such phrases. These are a recent lifestyle choice and to be honest, they just sound really hollow and shallow to many people. Part of the new over-familiarity which we seem to suffer from a lot these days.

I think part of the problem is that you are (as you've said) embarrassed to just let go and be yourself. You're scared that people will judge you based on what you say and do.

As you get older, you start to realise that people are not watching your every move and a lot of things that you do and cringe about, they may never even notice. I often get accused of being too serious as well (when trying to make a joke) and I have to make a conscious effort to pull a comical face so that people know I'm joking.

I suppose the only way to get around this is by forcing yourself into situations you wouldn't normally go into (social events or conversations) and trying to involve yourself more. I recently read that the best way to do this is (initially) to put on an act that you are that person who is genuinely interested and wants to be involved with the conversation... eventually, it will become second nature to you and the shyness will be behind you. It will be hard at first though.

Good luck



People open up in their own way. I know a woman I really like and she likes me back, but whenever we are around each other, things seem awkward. She is very reserved. I don't know what advice I could offer seeing as Im on the flip-side of where you are at, but I'd urge you to not to become emotionally isolated because of it.
It is what it is. Some people are entirely too open. Others are too emotionally isolated. I think it's better to be a little more closed circuit sometimes. It doesn't stop you from having friends.
I hate seeing how easy some people make it look, but for some of us it takes a little work. Counselling may help. Ultimately though, I don't think you fear being human, you fear another human doing what some humans do to others- getting hurt. And that's not irrational.
Good for you for not being a needy co-dependant.

Im way ruled by emotions and get hurt pretty easy. The jokes I crack are to mask the nervous.



I really do feel for you, Please don't be offended, but counselling would do you the world of good, how was your childhood, it may stem from this, do you feel inferior to others? please source a book, and or a dvd called the secret, its a powerful book for someone just like yourself, I was once like you described, because of my strict childhood, and 5 years later, im a regular in my local, over a thousand people in my village know me either directly or indirectly, and vice versa, so it can be done, if you would like to chat, email me on wombilly at yahoo dot co dot uk, im sincere and would like to help you, if only you will allow me. I really do hope you find what you seek.



I am 23 and feel the same way a lot of the time. You aren't alone or weird. I think, with me, if is partially because I am very small and light and do field work, so I try to prove myself and if I admit that I am tired or too weak to do something I feel like I have failed. I am starting to get over my shyness, but I would still prefer to be by my self. I have a boyfriend, but we are dating long distance.

I also really disagree with all of the people saying to be yourself. I know for me at least, that this is my true personality. If I were to act really friendly and emotional that would not be being myself at all.



Don't get hung up on being "normal". There are millions of people out there who are all fundamentally different in many ways, but similar in others. There are plenty of men who will be having similar anxieties themselves, and the truth is that most people find a mate eventually.
My suggestion is that you don't measure yourself against media images of the ideal person, but focus on your strong points (one of which is clearly sensitivity, which is usually a great characteristic) and think of places where similar people might meet.
The songs of Leonard Cohen helped me. No one can be that miserable!
Good luck and best wishes to you.



There used be a tv show called 'Different Strokes' - and it's the theme music I'm specifically referencing. One line in particular - it takes different strokes to rule the world.

It implies we humans all play a part in bringing the world under our control - like roads and streetlights aren't made by everybody, yet we all benefit...

You could say, lately the world looks a bit jaded, we're not looking after it so well - if things are to improve, then people will have to change - and then you could suddenly find there are a lot more people becoming like you as they are using [new] broadcast information that is contrived to steer the mind away from relationships, i.e. in a bid to curb population growth resulting from the social life that emerges in light of media & glamour - if there's a problem on the horizon like that, there will be a lot of bulletin services regarding work & food availability, weather reporting in the event of an ozone issue could be another matter besides the usual forecast. People pandering to every whim may look very shallow then.

Your reservations are well founded, there's also a natural instinctive tendency in people away from over-involvement, unwise commitment and possible harm - think again of the balance, different strokes making the world what it is - you have been shrewd, patient, and you deserve recognition for being so well composed, while the feelings you have are just your natural sense of right - So, perhaps your time for being more outgoing has arrived, and you will still be a valuable inspiration to others even if you exhibit emotions & spontaneity more, you will yet still have the refined characteristic of a scholarly intellect - chatter is just not your style.

In much the same way - I only wish I could deliver as many words through speech as I type - reading is different to listening though, even if I manage to say it all, the listener has to pick up every nuance and appreciate the picture forming while I try ensure I'm either not interrupted or I can pick it all up and carry on again if I am..., it's never that easy though :)




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