A question for people with Anorexia Nervosa?!

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I HATE IT!!!! It makes me so angry. As a real suffer of anorexia [four hospitalizations] [im 17]. I never wanted this disorder. I still don't want it but its a really hard to keep recovering. I just don't get why any one would want this disorder or act like they do have it. It has cause my family and friends amense pain, and also myself. I would never choose it. It does give it a bad name because a true anorexic..has underlying issues behind the food. I didn't starve to be skinny [sure when I was really underweight I said was because I was affaird to get fat but its so much deeper. It develops over time. It also takes a while to get better. Ive been inpatinet four times and in therapy for over three years. IT sucks but Ill recover. I know I will.