I'm depressed...I think...?!
Question: I'm depressed...I think...?
I don't talk much, most of the time I'm kinda passive because I do all the listening. This doesn't mean I don't have an opinion of my own. When I speak it feels as though no one understands.
Like there was this time at school when I was asking my teacher for something. He just looks at with this blank stare, almost like he didn't understand me, so I made my voice louder and asked him again. But I still got the blank stare. Another classmate who was standing next to me asked him for the samething and he immediately got it.
I feel as though I'm speaking another language.
When I'm with people, I feel sick. I feel akward, like an outcast. It frustrates me. All I want to do is isolate myself. I don't want to be like this forever (and by this, I mean alone) but I can't escape that awkward sick feeling I feel around most people. I don't even know if what I'm describing is depression. Because if it were depression it wouldn't have been like this my whole life.
It's almost like I'm dead or maybe I feel as though the people around me are. I want to connect with people, not just with whats on the surface but I actually want to connect with whats on the inside. I want people to want to connect with me.
General conversations that people have at school feel so cold to me. I feel as though everone is trying to impress eachother. All of their conversations are about "me, me, me, me..." but ironically I feel as though I learned nothing about the person.
People say I'm too complex, that I think too much, that I'm boring, that I need to just let loose, but I don't know how. What is "letting loose"? Doing what you want to do? But I am doing what I want but people don't get it. Saying what you want? But I do say what I want but no one understands.
Is there something wrong with me or is there something wrong with everyone else?
Am I too naive or am I too mature?
Will things ever change?
I'm kind of the same way. High school was the worst because everyone is so shallow and narrow minded. You are mentally mature for being in school. you are naive on how things are out in the real world though. People get deeper, and soon everyone around you will be striving for that "deep connection". some will find it, or the beginning of it, in a boyfriend or girlfriend. just keep being yourself and in a few years everyone will be on your level mentally.
imagine how the first pink flamingo felt. all the other regular flamingos were all like wtf hes so pink, but then soon it was cool to be a pink flamingo, and all the pink flamingos chilled out in the shallow ponds together, and ended up in National Geographic together
i feel like that pink flamingo from time to time.
Meditate and things will be clearer. :]
Dude I'm the same way... It really sucks :/