I have been secretly on-off suicidal for ten years. I am ready for help. Any adv!


Question: I have been secretly on-off suicidal for ten years. I am ready for help. Any advice?
I am a 19 year old girl and have come to realize that I could possibly be psycho.
I was raised in a wonderful home with loving parents and family, and had a treasured childhood.
One day when I was nine years old, I got in very big trouble for nearly accidentally breaking my baby brother's leg. I had absolutely no intention to, he was my best friend in my childhood. My mother was furious with me and yelled at me for the entire day.

I have no idea how or why, but I thought of killing myself.

And since then, whenever I just mess something up a little bit, and especially when I BIG TIME screw something up, or when I am rejected, when I am corrected, or even just teasingly put down I turn to suicidal thoughts or wish I'd just accidentally die or fall terminally ill.

I want to tell my parents, or someone because this is a very serious problem. I am on off suicidal and have been keeping it a secret for ten years. I don't have any friends, and the ones I do have never ask to hang out, they just want me around as a fair-weather one.
If I tell my parents, I know they'll be disappointed in me. Or I'm afraid they'll be angry or laugh at me.

Please, I feel so depressed, abnormal, and just strange.
I want to know why I think of taking my own life and I never want to think of committing suicide again.

Thank you.

Answers:

Hey luna my names jared. I've had 2 close friends of mine kill themselves and the aftermath is not pretty. It changes people lives around you and not in a good way. Exspecially the families of my friends just turned into different people. I'm 25 now and like you I don't have many friends but sometimes its better like that I think. Its less drama and no crap you. Honestly people suck. Its you and your family that matters. I was having the same thoughts when I was about your age and I even tested a few ways but I'm happy now that I didn't follow through because things always look up. Everybody messes up and you just have to shrug it off. It is the most selfish act anyone can take and its not worth it. If you need to talk more feel free to email me at ridge_racer_86@yahoo.com




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