Ok. I am at the breaking point. I cant afford a theropist or anything like that !


Question: Ok. I am at the breaking point. I cant afford a theropist or anything like that so.... not sure on what to do.?
So I am going to tell you my life. Don't continue reading if you don't want to give me some help. I really need it right now. Everything is built up for so long I need to get everything out. Even the bad things i have done.

my mom and dad split when I was 5 but I am pretty sure dad was using me as a excuse to get out of the house with (now) my step-mom because i can remember bits and pieces of memory from when I was 4... maybe younger but I don't think that is possible lol.
I have been going with dad every 2nd week. for a long time in my school days. but around when I was in grade 6 or 7 my step brother (who is 4 or 5 years older then me) would come into my room almost every night and just do really horrible things to me. I would hit him and hurt him, but I was to afraid to scream because I thought I would get in trouble or something.... i donno? all I can say was I was 2 afraid to sleep at night because the computer room was on the other side of the wall by my bed. and everytime he'd leave the room I'd act like i was asleep under the blankets.... a few times he had kicked my younger brother out of my room in the day time if no one was home. But my younger brother was only 3 or 4 so he didnt realize y I didnt want him to leave.....
That all stopped eventualy but I can not forgive my stepbrother still and I can not talk to him.
In grade 8 my dad and stepmom had been party crazy and didn't care where me or my 2 other brothers (not the jack a$$ he had moved out) were. and in grade 9 we were all taken away from them by CYFS because they were heavy crack addicts. (once I walked in to find dad unconscious and my step mom asleep in the car ) and I didnt see my brothers for a while until the 2 of them came back from rehab .
I find out our cabin ( witch I didnt like any way because myself and my brothers were always locked out) was sold some time ago for drug money. But I was still mad because we all worked so hard on building it. Dad told me they sold it because we never wanted to go there. (pffft! lol)

So Grade 10 mom moves away with her husband and my Other twin brothers. ( I have 5 but the one who has raped me is dead to me.). And so I live with dad now because I dont want to leave my friends. That was a Big mistake cause he is a total control freak now seeing he is burnt out from all the crack. so I start smoking weed. He Don't let me vist My friends in my old school because he has his own life. His kids are not very important to him.... one day he was snooping around my room and finds my weed and smokes. He comes out Freaking out at me So I flipped out right back at him. and left the next morning I am on plane to live with mom...

Were i moved to was a Very small community with only 500 people there. So drugs and drinking became my "thing". I only smoked weed 24 7 and did a couple of pills. not many. But anyways . I grew very distant from my step dad and he began disliking me. And I do not blame him. I would come home stoned or drunk. And he would go to punch me and punch the wall. He didnt work and he was very lazy while mom working in that community. After a year he became very violent. I had stoped doing drugs but i drank every weekend. a year went by and he had thrown me out of the house 3 times and I had to live with my boyfriend. he became emotionaly abusive even to mom and my little brothers and life was hell. I could not be in the same room with that guy with out us about to slit each others troughts...
so Grade 11 we go back to our old community but I go to live with Dad again. a week later my boyfriend moves up and dad kicks me out because he finds out my bf is around. A few months later I get sexually assaulted while I was walking home at night. I called the police and they told me I was lying....

So I live with my bf for a yr and get pregnant.

Since I got pregnant i have not drank or done anything bad. My family hadn't talked to me in a yr and I almost quit grad 12. I decide to move back to the small community before mom found out I was pregnant. and when she did she basically went crazy. I graduated and had my beautiful girl and moved back again! She was 9 weeks old when Dad called CYFS saying i did drugs and my bf was a drinker. so they removed the only joy 2 my life. I also had postpardem depression but i was taking medication for it. I am in college now. Dad has my girl and i miss her so much. CYFS is making my life a living hell, so i took all my fustrations out on my bf. Dad called in to cyfs saying we are always fighting and saying everything he can to make me not get my baby girl back.
I found out that sex would take my mind of things so I became what people call a mayjor slut. I told my ex to move back in with me and he found out about all the people i had sex with while he was gone for a month.
I am trying to get my life normal but it feels like i've done way 2 much 2 fix it.... i need to talk to someone but i can

Answers:

You have already taken a positive step by letting your story out. Much of what is going on with you right now is probably because of the s exual assaults. It is pretty common for survivors of abuse to get into drugs, alcohol, and have problems with s ex and relationships. You were just a child and none of it was your fault.

Please, please Google childhood s exual abuse survivors and read everything you can about it. You will probably run across a toll-free number to call and they can either talk to you and help guide you or tell you how you can get started on feeling better.

You deserve a better life so just keep on doing the right things and it will get better!! I'm wishing you the very best.



too long.....



You can fix your life but you need to take little steps. It's not going to happen in a second or a minute or even a year, but if you work on it, you can have a very happy life.

Find out what support you can get from CYFS, talk and talk and talk, and write and write and write. Go to online support groups and start dealing with what has happened to you.

Not too late at all.




The consumer health information on answer-health.com is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions.
The answer content post by the user, if contains the copyright content please contact us, we will immediately remove it.
Copyright © 2007-2011 answer-health.com -   Terms of Use -   Contact us

Health Categories