Why am I only suffering from my child abuse now?!

It sometimes takes years for someone who is subject to this, is ready to deal with it. That is why in some cases, there is not time limit on reporting and you should check the laws of your area.
You likely are ready to deal with this now.
The statistics are that even though there is a very low reporting rate in our own armed services, that 10 armed service women/veterans a day report rape by a fellow service member. He is in his element there, and this is just an incredible shame to this and other countries.
Your situation is not that uncommon , although no doubt humiliating, infuriating and embarrassing.
You need to seek out help from people you know to be understanding and worthy of trust. You need to start researching what therapy you want and need , I think this is the best kind eftuniverse.com , eftmastersworldwide.com, because it actually knows how to heal the memories and pain, and you dont have to suffer to do it.It doesn't have to take forever, and you dont 'have to get worse to get better'., like most regular therapists will tell you, because they have no healing method.
LIsten, there will be people who think all kinds of things, but you can still report him in some places, and you can certainly sue him for damages, since he cares not what the effects it has had on you ,as he goes about his 'career'.
what i am saying is there are a lot of rapists in the armed services as well.
If you get attorneys, research them carefully and ask a lot of questions.
You need to end your relationship with him entirely, and at least make some kind of report about it, and protect yourself, since he would likely get violent at that point.
Your parents and people in the family that you think would love and accept it without blaming you, might be a good support for you. idk
If you havent told them maybe you think they would not be, since they have not protected you from him before.
Some will blame you or say you 'participated.'
Rape is never the victims fault.
What i am saying is you can heal, it wasn't your fault , and you should find the love and support you need to build your future.
the very best wishes to you.
I do not recommend psychiatry or regular therapists for this.
bestlawyers.com taylorring.com wmlawyers.com
most lawyers will consult for free ,and take a case they can win without asking for money up front, taking it out of what ever they win.
You DO need to be able to talk to your therapist about how to avoid abusers , how not to attrack abusers in the future, because subconsciously people can do that in order to try and control their memory feelings and heal ,and because it is familiar, even if bad. You need to deal with all your feelings and what you missed out on, and decide what if anything else to do about it.
choose your help and friends carefully and let them prove they are trustworthy.
mosaicmethod.com is a quiz you can take
You can also find help at womens shelters, rape crisis shelters, domestic violence places NCADV.org 1800799safe check your yelllow pages.
the very best wishes to you and your future

z

my life started to crash when i was 30 years old.........

you start understanding that you were abused amd without counseling, you will not be able to move on with your life........

i read about 200 books and sought counseling...........

at the age of 53, i am better now........

I think it's important to let your family members know what happened. He could rape someone else. It doesn't matter if people look up to him-- they are seeing a false image of who they think he is. It's not about reputation, it's about getting closure-- go ahead and tell on him - -maybe you can time it so that you let people know when he is out of the army or at least out of the war zone. -- You need closure, and you need to move on. Sometimes, we think about the problems in our past life but really, we need to focus on how beautiful our future can be. - You are 19 and you have a million things to look forward to. I say, focus on the positive, forget about the negative. When the time is right, get your closure, and focus on doing good things for other people and for yourself. Move Forward! Don't let the past keep you back!

me -- I was abused similarly before-- I know all about it- in a different way- you just have to move on!